The Ultimatum: Queer Love's Tiff Addresses Explosive Reunion: 'I Don't Stand for Physical Violence' (Exclusive)
"I wasn't there to give her a smear campaign, I wasn't there to hurt her. I was there to have peace," Tiff Der tells PEOPLE of ex Mildred Bustillo
Netflix
Mildred (left) and Tiff (right)Warning: this story contains spoilers from episodes 9 and 10 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love.
Tiff Der is sharing their side of the story after the explosive Ultimatum: Queer Love reunion.
On Wednesday, Netflix dropped the final two episodes of the season, featuring Ultimatum Day, when the couples decided whether to get engaged or split, and the reunion. While fans expected a dramatic reunion with updates on each of the couples, they were likely not prepared for what actually transpired between Tiff and Mildred Bustillo.
After getting engaged on Ultimatum Day, Tiff and Mildred revealed at the reunion they were no longer together, citing their "unhealthy" and "tumultuous" relationship as reason for their breakup. Mildred also admitted that she got arrested after things got violent between the pair, including one moment when she threw a pet gate at Tiff. Eventually, their reunion argument escalated to the point where Tiff walked out in tears.
Speaking to PEOPLE about the difficult moment, Tiff — who uses they/them pronouns — says: "It's so hard to [take] a three-year relationship and try to sum it up to someone that wasn't a fly on the wall for the last three years."
"I do wish her nothing but happiness. Obviously, we're not meant for each other," Tiff continues. "I think the way I can best sum up that whole reunion [is] there's a lot of personal things that have happened within her family and a lot of things that completely go against my morals."
Netflix
Mildred (left) and TiffTiff acknowledges that there were "a lot of accusations on her end as far as how I just didn't show up or how I was apparently financially dependent on her," but notes their decision to walk out of the reunion is something they still stand by.
"My reason of why I left was something that is so much deeper and something part of my core values, and it's something that I just don't stand for," they say. "I don't stand for physical violence. I don't stand for any of that, especially when she has a child."
"At the end of the day, if you're not going to change for your son, you're not going to change for me," Tiff adds. "It doesn't matter what problems you have with the person — if you're willing to communicate and work together, especially in a non-violent way, I'm all for it, but, unfortunately, that wasn't the case at all. It's f---ing sad, quite frankly."
Tiff also points out that they've had to "go to a lot of therapy" because of the "gaslighting" and "manipulation" they experienced in the relationship.
"I tried at the reunion to show where I stepped up and said, 'Hey, I wasn't the best in this category,' I didn't say one horrible thing about her on that show," Tiff notes. "I wasn't there to give her a smear campaign, I wasn't there to hurt her, I was there to have peace. I walked away from that relationship months prior to that reunion, been in zero contact with her."
"For me to walk into that reunion and try to show peace ... there, clearly, was still a lot of unresolved feelings that she has with that, and that's fine," Tiff adds. "She's completely entitled to have those feelings but let's not sugarcoat this: she was out for a smear campaign. She was literally out to try to ruin me. And we're not the same. I'm very different from that. Hopefully, that shows in the reunion."
Tiff wasn't the only cast member shaken up by the reunion exchange. Their fellow Ultimatum cast members, Xander Boger, Yoly Rojas and Vanessa Papa, were also taken aback at what unfolded.
"It broke my heart, honestly," Xander told PEOPLE. "We all became sort of a family and it was kind of like watching your parents fight in a way. I was like, 'Oh my gosh, this is so bad.' And I just feel for both of them. Because I know that neither one of them are in the wrong. I feel like they both have their own separate journeys. I'm sure they both did things that they wish that they hadn't. But I think it just broke my heart. I feel like there's a lot going on there and it's unfortunate that everyone was watching it."
Xander also says she communicated with Tiff on Instagram after the ordeal. "I just more so really just support them and I support Mildred too," she says. "I support them both, which kind of puts me in a hard box and people usually choose sides and things, but they never asked me to do that ... I just support them and whatever they want to do."
Vanessa told PEOPLE she and Tiff connected more after the show, which made her feel like she knew them "pretty intimately as a human," so it was extremely difficult to watch the argument.
"Watching Tiff get attacked, which is what I feel like I was watching, was really f---ing hard as their friend," Vanessa adds. "And then to watch Tiff get overwhelmed and leave, it's hard. I don't want to step in and say, 'Get Tiff back in here.' I don't want to overstep boundaries. So I didn't, but it was really hard to watch that happen ... it was just a real attack. And I'm watching my friend get hit over and over. It's hard."
However, Yoly appeared to be on Mildred's side of the feud.
"It's just clear that they don't work out well," she told PEOPLE. "It felt like a lot of Tiff trying to prove points that nobody was wondering about, and it just felt lame. To me, it just seemed like Mildred was trying to just state her part. Tiff just seemed like they were instigating and I don't know ... it was uncomfortable to sit through."
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The Ultimatum: Queer Love is now streaming in full on Netflix.
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