UA and Tuscaloosa get a slick showcase from the GOP presidential debate | MARK HUGHES COBB

Y'all might have heard about a debate in town. It made national news, though folks were not quite as gobsmacked when the crimson-and white-University of Alabama, with a red-elephant mascot, landed GOP approval for its latest staged slap-fight, as when Tuscaloosa won the first Mercedes-Benz plant outside Germany.

A Sept. 30, 1993 L.A. Times headline: "Rural Hamlet Beats Out Carolinas for $300-Million Facility," and don't think that didn't kick off a heapin' helpin' of notions about writing a Deep South adaptation: "Rural Hamlet."

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"To be or ain't to be, y'all. That's what's goin' down."

"He was a dude. He was THE dude. Y'ain't gonna see not no 'nother like 'im nowhere."

"The lady can't open her yap without puttin' her boot in it, methinks."

"Man, I knew that Yorick! Funny dude. Reckoned he was taller, though."

"Why'd you do me like that? I love you, brother, but g'head. That kitty'll bite; that dog'll hunt."

"Night-night, sleep tight; and this bird you cannot change."

The rest is ... triple guitar solos.

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For the 20th anniversary of production at the Vance plant — rat'cheer in Rural Hamlet County ― I wrote something I'm still surprised managing editor Michael James let slide unedited:

"If it was a David vs. Goliath story, then the giant of Gath was not just the other 49 states, but the perceptions of racism, poverty, legislative backwardness and educational failure that tarnished Alabama's reputation, smearing it as a wild, wild west run by the KKK, populated by the uneducated, the unshod, and the unsophisticated.

"From the outside view, Alabama's worse than a barrel of crackers, a flat desolate wasteland where if the quagmires of history don't suck you under, literal bogs will. Should you somehow escape the harrowing landscape, coyotes will gnaw your bones once hillbilly outlaws have gunned you down."

Now that's crazy.

We all know Alabama's not that flat.

When debate news rolled out in November, there was a bit of "Who?", though probably less than 1984, when then-President Reagan stopped at Memorial Coliseum as part of his pitch for a second term. Not being either a wig of XL dimensions, nor a big-money donor, I wasn't invited inside 15,000(ish) Memorial Coliseum. The coliseum (now Coleman) couldn't show Tuscaloosa and the University of Alabama in an unflattering light, unless of course lit with unflattering lights.

It's a coliseum; take it for all in all.

National media seemed fascinated when the motorcade stopped at the Northport McDonald's, and Gipper and Co. stepped in for a Big Mac. Ronnie sat with UA student Charles K. Patterson, who wrote a memory for us in 2006. Grease burgers 'n' fries? Now THAT's the South ... that outsiders expect.

NewsNation and the GOP chose the Moody Music Building, and its fabulous 1,000-seat concert hall. Jonathan Killian, vice president of creative marketing and brand communications at NewsNation, is a '94 UA alumnus. As former drum major for the Million Dollar Band, he knows the Moody well, though he modestly denied influencing the pick, saying: "The moment I heard, I just had goosebumps."

Anyone who's been in the Moody since its 1988 opening knows the hall, lofty Plexiglas clouds and massive central Holtkamp organ drawing eyes upward, toward soaring proportions matched to the great hall of Vienna’s Musikverein, one of the world's finest.

I was happy the wider world would see that as backdrop, a lovely, well-appointed, sophisticated side of Rural Hamlet, a thing that, with our symphony and other arts organizations, our rolling hills reminiscent of parts of Germany, and our state-offered tax abatements, helped land Mercedes.

And yet again, like '84, I was not invited inside the wigs 'n' whigs conclave. Instead the press corps settled in the nearby MDB enclave, aside from the hall, probably the largest room in the 135,000-square-foot building. Laid out in rows were tables with monitors for 240 of us grubby types, though far more polished TV folks — outside NewsNation's cadre — were also banished with us great unwashed. Seriously, those folks gleam.

In 2018, I was asked to help WVTM Channel 13 in Birmingham ― in Vulcan's posterior shadow — with gubernatorial debates. Even taking "Broadcast News" advice — sit on the tail of your coat so it doesn't bunch; never let 'em see you sweat ― I was mildly surprised at the pre-show, which involved sitting in a chair, allowing genius makeup artist Tabitha to heap stuff on my noggin for an hour. I couldn't see the difference, which I think is the trick. No, the real magic: People who watched said I looked good. Mr. Not Ready for Camera? Thanks again, sorceress.

That perception may have overshadowed what I felt were drawbacks. Yes, we asked pointed questions; Michael and I worked on several together; the rest we crafted at WVTM.

But: No space for followups. No challenges. Not enough actual debate.

That pattern followed Dec. 6. While the moderators looked shiny, they didn't exercise control, and rarely, if ever, challenged the four on stage. Mostly it was serial speechifyin', with more than a bit of yelled cross-talk, resulting in indecipherable gibberish. When Chris Christie raised the only salient point — everyone else ignoring the pachyderm not in the room ... crickets. Or boos. Yet Christie spewed fewer falsehoods, if any.

We knows this because our parent organization, USA Today, had teams actually checking facts.

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Even draped with somewhat gaudy banners and blasted with pop-concert lighting, a patriotic-themed overabundance, the Moody still looked splendid. Its bones stand tall.

Too bad it couldn't showcase anything resembling a helpful reality.

Mark Hughes Cobb is the editor of Tusk. Reach him at mark.cobb@tuscaloosanews.com.

This article originally appeared on The Tuscaloosa News: Shiny and bright: UA on the national media stage | MARK HUGHES COBB