Trump Released a Teaser Trailer for His 2020 Campaign and Apparently He's the Batman

From Esquire

Donald Trump has released a teaser trailer for his reelection campaign, and if you were wondering whether next year’s Keep America Great will retain the empty self-aggrandizement, tacky score-settling, and entirely unveiled racism of 2016’s surprise hit, Make America Great Again, have no fear! (I mean: have the normal amount of fear knowing that a guy who is still this angry at Rosie O’Donnell has the nuclear codes and doesn’t read. Just don’t worry there won’t be enough racism. There will be.)

Oy. Okay, so we begin with stock footage of Washington, D.C., and former President Barack Obama, set to what Shazam tells me is part of Hans Zimmer’s score for The Dark Knight Rises. The implication, I suppose, is that Donald Trump is Batman. I would absolutely believe Donald Trump sees himself as Batman. Donald Trump has exactly three things in common with Batman:

1. He inherited a lot of money from his parents,

2. He has literally never laughed, and

3. I wish he were George Clooney.

Then comes the “First they ignore you” quote that is frequently misattributed (notably by Trump himself) to Mahatma Gandhi, who is currently in heaven, saying, “Keep my name out your mouth.” Except this one has a twist: It goes, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they call you racist.”

Aaaaaand that’s where the quote ends. No, I’m serious. I’d almost believe he lets the triumphant rally footage stand in for the “then you win” part of the quote, which is kind of one of the more important parts of the quote, except this is not a man who is known for subtlety. Also, we both know he saw text on the screen, sighed, and did that spinny-finger come-on-let’s-get-to-the-pictures motion with his hand. Anyway, the message is clear: first they underestimate you, then they call you racist…and then the fun really begins.

The fun includes:

- A binder from last month’s meeting of the American Workforce Policy Advisory Board, which you may remember as the meeting where he called Tim Cook “Tim Apple,” and then later said he said “Tim Cook from Apple,” but the “Cook” and “from” were simply too quick for you to hear it, then still later he said he really did call him “Tim Apple” as an easy way to save time and words, because if there is one thing we know about Donald Trump, it’s that he hates to spend time saying extra words.

- Several motorcades. Like, lots of motorcades. What are the chances Donald Trump thinks he invented motorcades? One hundred percent, right?

- A long, slow zoom into the FoxNews.com story on the Barr Letter, claiming “Mueller report summary released, showing no proof Trump team conspired with Russia.” Not a spinning newspaper headline, not a clip from a nightly news broadcast, a screenshot of a still-not-particularly-exculpatory headline, under the approving face of Brian Kilmeade on a banner ad for FoxNation.

- Interview footage of Rosie O’Donnell, Bryan Cranston, and Amy Schumer, all looking forlorn, to remind the viewer that this is what it’s really all about: sticking it to the elites. Forget that all three of these people grew up middle-class with at least one ill or absent parent, and forget that if you gave Donald Trump a toilet brush he’d try to put it in his mouth. Forget that big corporations and the very wealthy are getting big tax refunds this year and that you might get a small one, or you might have trouble paying your medical bills if that GoFundMe doesn’t pick up some steam. Forget it all, because you made the bossy lady from The View sad. Wasn’t it worth it?

- Lindsey Graham snarling about Brett Kavanaugh, because apparently for some segment of the American people, it is possible for the Kavanaugh hearings to be a pleasant memory.

- I swear, a brief clip from Fox News with a chyron saying “Consumer confidence at 16-year high,” to which the video editor has added jumping green up-arrows so that his boss will know the clip is a positive one. (Consumer confidence is now exactly where it was in March 2015.)

- SERIOUSLY WAY FEWER PEOPLE OF COLOR THAN YOU MIGHT EXPECT TO SEE AFTER THE WORDS “THEN THEY CALL YOU RACIST.” There is more screen time devoted to accidental black screens than to actual black people. Here is a full accounting of the non-white faces in this video: Barack Obama; two hurricane victims; a few people from the Turning Point USA Young Black Leadership Summit where Trump went on to rant about Israel; and Kim Jong Un. This video says “Then they call you racist,” and follows it up with nearly two full minutes of smug white Trump staffers and howling white Trump supporters. Then they call you racist, and…take care.

Also, every clip is at a different frame rate, giving the whole thing the lurching, hiccuping quality of your kid’s first iMovie project. And that "First they ignore you" quote is actually from early 20th century American labor organizer Nicholas Klein. Other than that, great work.

Keep America Great opens around the world longer ago than I even remember anymore, and will continue to ruin your family holidays for years to come.

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