Severing ties with a family member is an emotional decision, and one that most people don’t take lightly. But one grandma on Reddit wants to cut off ties with her 2-year-old great-granddaughter publicly, while maintaining a personal relationship with her in secret. As you can imagine, people on Reddit hold nothing back when coming for her.
In the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit, a 22-year-old mom mentioned that she got pregnant with her 2-year-old daughter Ava unintentionally, and is now engaged to Ava’s father Brian and raising their little girl together. Unfortunately, her “very religious and traditional” grandmother was upset by her choice to keep her baby, and she seems extremely toxic. Buckle up — serious whiplash is coming.
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“To say she was upset when she found I out I was pregnant would be an understatement,” the mom wrote about her grandma. “She actually didn’t talk to me until I was nearly 9 months along when she begged me to put the baby up for adoption. However I thought she was finally coming around. She even came to Ava’s 2nd birthday party and gave her a Christmas present (a pair of pajamas) this year.”
Out of the goodness of her heart, the original poster decided to give her grandma a second chance at a relationship with Ava. But when an upcoming family reunion pops up, her grandma (the host of the event) asks her granddaughter not to bring her daughter or fiancé.
“She told me that she wasn’t going to allow me to ‘parade my excuse of a family around,’” the mom explained. “She said that is ‘shameful to the family that I had a baby out of wedlock.’ She also told me that she didn’t even want to invite me because me being there is almost just as bad since everyone knows what a ‘disgrace’ I am but my dad would’ve pitched a fit if she invited my sister and not me.”
The young mom, who earlier mentioned that she and her fiancé had both recently graduated college and have jobs, defended her daughter.
“I told her I wasn’t ashamed of Ava and she shouldn’t be either,” she said. “She told me that my ‘mistake’ means my family will be judged. She also called Ava a ‘bastard.’ I was really pissed off (still am). I was literally shaking when she told me that. I told her that she wouldn’t have to be ashamed of me or Ava any longer because she wouldn’t be seeing either of us anytime soon.” Good for her for sticking up for her daughter like that!
The OP also said she’s not going to the reunion and plans “to avoid events my grandmother will be at.” She also admitted that she called her grandma “a stuck up old b*tch.” Well, when the shoe fits…
“I am furious,” the mom added. “She’s doesn’t have to agree with my choices but to call my daughter a mistake and a bastard is crossing a huge line. Besides if she truly feels this way what’s the harm in not seeing us. I don’t her to ever have the chance to call Ava these things in front of her. I want her to grow up knowing that she might be unplanned she is very loved.”
Now the grandmother, and the OP’s aunts and uncles, are upset. “They keep messaging me and calling me an a**hole and a b*tch for keeping her great granddaughter from her when she won’t be around forever,” she wrote. “Also My dad and sister made the decision not to go after they found out why I wasn’t. So I’m also being called an AH for that. AITA?”
People stuck up for the mom. “Sounds like your grandmother is already dead to you,” one person wrote. “Good riddance to toxic family. Move on and don’t look back.”
“Right, the cognitive dissonance between ‘don’t you bring your shameful bastard child around here’ and ‘how dare you keep my great-granddaughter from me’ is mind boggling,” commented another. “Hypocrisy and toxicity at its finest. OP is way better off without them.”
Some pointed out that the aunts and uncles may not have the whole story. “Totally agree that evil not-so-grandmother is toxic, but maybe the rest of the family doesn’t have the whole story – grandmother seems the controlling, matriarch type and may have presented a wholly different narrative,” one person wrote.
Another person said, “NTA. Your grandmother is a hateful shrew. You don’t need to expose your daughter to this hateful religious toxicity.”
Agreed! This grandma doesn’t get to have her cake and eat it, too — if she is embarrassed of her great-granddaughter (who is a toddler!), she shouldn’t get to see her at all.
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