Tom Sandoval Admits He Was Surprised by the 'Visceral Hatred' After His Affair: 'I'm a Stupid Reality Star'

In an exclusive sneak peek at Monday's 'Special Forces', the Bravo star says "people think I'm a complete narcissist — creeper vibes" after his months-long secret relationship with costar Raquel Leviss

Tom Sandoval is still coming to terms with the backlash he faced in the aftermath of his affair.

In PEOPLE's exclusive sneak peek at Monday’s episode of Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test, the Vanderpump Rules star opens up to his fellow boot camp recruits about the fallout of his choice to cheat on his then-girlfriend of nine years, Ariana Madix, with their friend Rachel "Raquel" Leviss.

Sandoval, 41, describes the months-long affair — which was sent shockwaves through the reality TV world after being exposed in March — as “a pretty juicy f---ing scandal” before elaborating on what he called a “long story.”

“I had an affair, and it just blew up,” he says. “People were messaging me paragraphs of just like vicious, like, so visceral, like, hatred.”

Speed skater Erin Jackson asks her costar why the affair was “such a big deal,” to which he replies, “I honestly don’t know. I’m a f---ing stupid reality star. Like, come on man.”

Related: 'Special Forces' Trailer: Tom Sandoval Wanted 'a Beating' After Cheating

The Bravo star shares more in a confessional interview about how the secret relationship — which was later dubbed “Scandoval” by fans — has impacted him and his reputation.

“Before this whole scandal, I would meet people who had probably seen me on Vanderpump Rules, and they’d be like, ‘Oh my gosh, he’s so cool.’ And then now, people think I’m a complete narcissist, creeper vibes.”

Of his decision to join the survival show, he explains, “I’m definitely not here to run away. I want to punish myself. I think I deserve it.”

Related: Nick Viall Claims Tom Sandoval 'Snuck In' Photos of Him and Raquel Leviss While Filming 'Special Forces'

Sandoval's Special Forces castmate Kelly Rizzo previously told PEOPLE that the topic of the VPR scandal was raised early in the show, thanks to Jack Osbourne.

Rizzo, 44, said Osbourne, 37, was “the first person who uttered that word [Scandoval] on the show,” and that it made her realize who Sandoval was.

“We were all in the same transport vehicle bus,” she said. “And Tom was sitting next to me and he was like, ‘Hi, I'm Tom,’ and I'm like, ‘Hi, I'm Kelly.’ But I had no idea who he was. And so Jack goes a minute in, ‘Looks like we've got a Scandoval on our hands.’  And I was like, ‘Oh s---, it's Tom Sandoval.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah.’ ”

Rizzo said she “kind of felt bad” for how she reacted at first. But, despite a bumpy start, Sandoval and the entire cast came to form bonds that felt almost familial, Osbourne shared.

“We got to know each other so well and on such a deeper level," Osbourne said. “Not to sound cliché but we were all laughing together and there were times where we all cried together. Bode [Miller] shared his story about what happened with his family, and there wasn't a dry eye in the bunkhouse. We were all just bawling. And that's the kind of beautiful thing about this show. It's incredibly tough. It's a total ass kicker, but the bonds that are created are wild.”

Related: Tom Sandoval Says He's Prepared to Shoulder Public Hate 'for the Long Haul' After His Affair (Exclusive)

As for the man himself, Sandoval told PEOPLE that he signed up for the brutal survival series as a way to get some emotional distance from the drama in his life.

“I think that and getting away and just wanting to focus on something very different,” he said. “Take a vacation, go a different direction for a while and do something. Focus on a different aspect of myself, because sometimes when you go away, you focus on a whole different part of you. It can kind of teach you a lot about the other part of you.”

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Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on Fox.

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