Mikayla Nogueira/Tik Tok; Stefanie Keenan/Getty for L'Oreal Paris
Tiktoker Mikayla Nogueira waited until six months before walking down the aisle to start looking for a wedding dress.
In a series of get ready with me TikTok videos, the beauty influencer, who announced her engagement to her fiancé Cody in 2021, opened up about her emotional struggle with body dysmorphia and how it affected her outlook on finding a bridal gown.
Nogueira's posts were in response to a user commenting how shocking it was that she hadn't started shopping until now.
In the first of three candid clips, filmed ahead of her trip to the bridal shop, Nogueira held back tears, saying "This is already tough."
Through deep breaths, she began to explain why she continuously pushed back the supposed special occasion, which she quickly booked online without doing any research because of her anxiety.
"I feel like growing up little girls look forward to a day like this, right?" she asked. "But I feel like it's different when you have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder and you're really insecure."
She then admitted that body dysmorphia — a mental health condition that causes one to focus on perceived flaws in appearance which can cause anxiety among other emotions according to the Mayo Clinic — has largely impacted the way she views herself.
"Knowing I'm gonna have to be looking at myself in a mirror today quite a lot is not gonna be easy for me. I try really hard not to look in a mirror because I just pick myself apart."
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free weekly newsletter to get the biggest news of the week delivered to your inbox every Friday.
In the second video, the makeup artist shared how body dysmorphia has followed her since her younger years, recalling the times she had to change into gym clothes at school.
"I always felt like there was something wrong with me because I was the only f- - -ing girl who could not change in front of everybody," she reveals, adding that she felt more comfortable doing so in a "private, separate room," unlike her peers.
As someone whose career is watched by millions of onlookers (in Nogueira's case that looks like 14.4 million followers on TikTok alone) and is primarily centered around sitting in front of a camera, Nogueira admitted that she doesn't feel in tune with her influencer title.
"To this day I don't feel like I fit in with an influencer in general because I'm not like the f- - -ing beauty standard in any way. I hate taking selfies for Instagram because I can't even stand to look at myself," she candidly shared.
Yet, shortly after uploading the videos, Nogueira posted footage of her dress shopping journey at Vows Bridal in Massachusetts, including a montage of her modeling a few of their options — minus the one she ultimately said yes to.
She thanked a Vows associate for making her feel "super comfortable" throughout the process. "I did feel like a princess, I wont lie. I felt pretty good."
Mikayla Nogueira/Tik Tok
Although known for her makeup tips and reviews, Nogueira has used her platform to open up about her mental health and journey to self acceptance.
Last spring, she revealed that she'd gained up to 60 lbs. in one year. In a TikTok video shared on Apr. 4, she admitted that, due to her eating disorder, the weight change proved to be "difficult."
"If I cry, if I get emotional, it's because I struggle with an eating disorder, so I'm really working to overcome it and this is really difficult for me, but I want to take you guys with me because you guys support me so much and I love you to death," she said.