'Three's Company' Movie: Some Questions Before We Move In

John Ritter, Joyce DeWitt, and Suzanne Somers in the original ‘Three’s Company’ TV series

Three’s Company — the ’70s/early ’80s sitcom predicated on the notion that two women living with a guy is an outrageous, socially deviant idea — is apparently on track to become a movie.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, New Line is in the process of obtaining the rights to make a theatrical feature based on the pratfall-filled, double entendre-driven exploits of roommates Jack Tripper (John Ritter), Chrissy Snow (Suzanne Somers), and Janet Wood (Joyce DeWitt), and plans to tap screenwriters Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein (How to Be Single, He’s Just Not That Into You, Never Been Kissed) to adapt the ABC comedy for the big screen.

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The report says this version of Three’s Company will still be set in the 1970s, but has no detail about the tone or approach, which leaves us with a lot of questions about how many of the show’s characters and shenanigans will translate to a theatrical feature made four decades after the show’s premiere. Seriously, we made a list of questions.

1. Is this going to be done as a parody?
The Brady Bunch Movie and, more recently, the 21 Jump Street films, gleefully poked fun at their source material. Jump Street in particular managed to wink at the past while also creating a movie that worked on its own merits, a model it seems like the upcoming Baywatch is attempting to replicate.

It’s hard to imagine a Three’s Company that doesn’t go meta and satirical since its premise — the need to hide Jack’s heterosexuality from landlords Mr. Roper and, later, Ralph Furley — is so wildly out-of-date. And yet I’m skeptical about whether that’s the direction the project will take, given the desire to keep it rooted in the ’70s and the fact that Kohn and Silverstein are known for more traditional romantic comedies.

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2. Seriously, how are they going to handle all the jokes about Jack being gay?
Three’s Company wasn’t anti-gay, exactly, but it certainly perpetuated a lot of homosexual stereotypes for the sake of comedy. Those moments would definitely need to be carefully considered, if not excised entirely, for a new version of this to work unless, again, this is being conceived as a takedown of the social attitudes of the time. Same goes for some of the more sexist (blondes are bimbos!) elements of the show.

3. Will the third roommate be modeled after Chrissy Snow, played by Suzanne Somers during the show’s first five seasons? Or will it be based on her cousin Cindy Snow (Jenilee Harrison, Seasons 5 and 6), nurse Terri Alden (Priscilla Barnes, Seasons 6 through 8), or some entirely new character?
If this stays set in the ’70s, I’m personally Team Chrissy Snow, as long as they can make her less insultingly dimwitted. Three’s Company without Chrissy’s snort-laugh and ludicrously voluminous ponytails is not Three’s Company. (No offense, Jenilee Harrison and Priscilla Barnes).

4. Who the heck is going to fill John Ritter’s shoes?
As silly as Three’s Company often was, Ritter’s performance as Jack was a work of physical comedy genius. Who could possibly take over the role and fail at putting on his pants while drunk in such an indelible way? (The most obvious answer from a resemblance standpoint is his son, Jason Ritter, but I’m guessing he wouldn’t want to touch the role his father made famous.)

5. Very important question: Will Larry Dallas be in it?
Richard Kline played Jack’s best friend, a lothario who never met a shirt he couldn’t unbutton in a more revealing manner. They can obviously cast the part with a younger actor, but frankly, I’m not sure anyone working in Hollywood right now has a strong enough chest hair game to pull it off.

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6. Which landlords make it into the movie: Mr. and Mrs. Roper or Mr. Furley?
This is a choice between Helen Roper’s colorful muumuus and Ralph Furley’s flamboyant leisure suits, so either way, the costume department wins.

7. Very, very important question: Will the Regal Beagle, watering hole of choice for the Three’s Company gang, be featured in the film?
For real: If there’s no Regal Beagle, I’m officially out, you guys.

8. Will they include the theme song?
Once again, I say to you: If this movie doesn’t open with bumper car high jinks, an inexplicable catamaran excursion, and someone holding up a Blondes Prefer Gentlemen T-shirt, I am OUT.