Survivor: Ghost Island recap: 'A Diamond in the Rough'

But my hatred for all these things pales in comparison to my inexplicable disdain for one thing in particular: cinnamon. Can’t stand the stuff. Cinnamon Toast Crunch? For suckers. Big Red gum? Get it out of my face. If I were forced to recap cinnamon instead of Survivor, my recap would be a single word each and every week: gross. (Wow, maybe I should start recapping cinnamon. It would certainly save all of us a lot of time.) For years, my daughter’s favorite activity in the world was to try to trick me into eating cinnamon. I’ll admit, she got me a few times… until I grounded her for an entire year and informed her that her bloodwork had come back from the hospital and said she had cooties. That put a stop to that.

I bring this up not to mobilize cinnamon hating forces around the globe to rid this planet of the lamest spice imaginable, but rather to show just how positively delightful Survivor: Ghost Island contestant Donathan Hurley is. For if I, the world’s foremost cinnamon despiser, can take nothing but joy upon witnessing Donathan’s utter glee after winning a reward challenge and jumping up and down while proclaiming “Cinnamon rolls! Cinnamon rolls!” to no one in particular, well, then that tells everything you need to know about why Donathan has emerged as the biggest fan favorite so far this season.

I remember meeting Donathan before the game. As someone who also has a weird name that begins with the letter D, I suppose I was already predisposed to like him, but even the most objective observer would have been won over by his innocence and charm. I thought to myself: What a sweet kid. I also thought to myself: He is going to get eaten up in this game.

It was clear that not only was Donathan not exactly wise to the ways of the world, he also had basically no life experience outside of his home in eastern Kentucky. We saw this early on when he described James (who is Korean) as “exotic” and was excited to finally have an African-American friend in Laurel. A lot of times — as we have learned all too often recently — ignorance can breed contempt. That’s because weaker-willed people tend to fear the unknown. Not Donathan. He actively wants to broaden his horizons, and that attitude is so damn refreshing.

Anyway, let’s just say I’m usually not as moved as others by these sudden introspective moments that just happen to occur on national television while a camera is in someone’s face. But I have been eating up every morsel of Donathan’s story. And we got another feast of it this week as he spoke about taking care of his ailing grandmother (who had suffered two strokes) and how guilty he felt for not being there for her while he went halfway around the world to appear on a reality TV show. That didn’t feel like forced backstory. It was genuine. It was real.

After Donathan heard that, he said he felt that connection to Chris and didn’t want to target him. The problem is, Donathan’s strongest ally in Laurel does. So what does he do now? What struck me most was when Donathan said that he “needs to think about what’s best for Donathan.” It struck me for two reasons. It struck me that he referred to himself in the third person, because that is always super awesome. And it struck me that he is at least talking like he will be making his own decisions, which is something I worried about with him entering the game.

Now, it’s certainly true that he may have been manipulated into making that decision, but either way I am fascinated to see how this turns out if and when Donathan has to pick a side. Because as much as I like Donathan — after all, he doesn’t drink coffee and us non-Starbucks types have to stick together — ultimately I want to root for the best player. So now let’s see if my man actually has any game in him.

Okay, let’s recap all the other odds & ends from the latest episode, shall we? We shall. (Recap continues on next page)

Pastry Party
“This was just me being me, and I guess it’s fair to say I was pretty hot today. I’m like a diamond in the rough. You see me glow, this ain’t pay per view, it’s a free show. I’m still shooting ‘em all dead, free throw. Mic drop.”

Ummmmm… What just happened? Did I miss something? Was all that nonsense with the sand bags just a warm-up for the actual reward challenge, which was some sort of boasting island rap battle? And, more importantly, do we have a new contender for the coveted title of Worst White Rapper Ever? I mean, we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions, especially when you consider all the other worthy candidates for said title.

Of course, no list of terrible white rappers would ever be complete without Dee Dee Ramone’s regrettable foray into the genre (under the name Dee Dee King) with his oh-so-inaccurately-titled “Funky Man.”

I don’t know if Chris is actually worse than Dee Dee King and Deeny Blazin Hazen, but he’s no King of the Burbs either. However, he does have one quality of every great rapper down, and that is the boasting. “This was just me being me, and I guess it’s fair to say I was pretty hot today.” I mean, who talks like that? That’s why Chris Noble is God’s gift to television audiences. The man is a revelation. Just ask him!

But I will say this, if the dude talks the talk (and he does like to talk), he certainly has walked the walk in challenges so far, and he flat-out dominated here. The reward contest had players leaping over tables and dismantling a pile of giant sand bags to reveal a lever that would release 60 smaller bags. Then those would be thrown at spinning targets to reveal three flags. All you need to know is that Chris basically hit every single shot he took. It was nuts. The guy was like Hawkeye from Avengers: Infinity War… if Hawkeye is even in Avengers: Infinity War, that is, because you certainly wouldn’t know it from the trailer or poster.

In any event, I would give Chris props for a remarkable performance, but I’m pretty sure he has already done that himself.

No Ghosts To Be Found
Naviti won the challenge, but once again did not come to a unanimous decision on whom to send to Ghost Island, forcing Malolo to pick rocks. Have you noticed a trend? Ever since the tribe swap, no team has been able to come to a decision on whom to send. The overwhelming majority of people I spoke with felt that this season’s tribe swap was way too early. Folks complained to me that they didn’t know players well enough to care who ended up on which beach, and then were confused as to where folks landed and who was from what tribe and aligned with whom.

I would argue that the Ghost Island selection process would also have been a lot more interesting had the tribes not been swapped because we would have seen more strategy at play in terms of whom teams chose to go there. Instead, every single time has come down to chance because the new tribes refuse to make a unanimous choice. Now, that played out pretty well last week when Kellyn picked the white rock after talking about how much she didn’t want to pick the white rock, but, in general, I like to see tough choices made rather than simple luck take over. Incidentally, I asked Probst about this and you can read his response in this week’s Q&A. (Recap continues on next page)

So it was back to rocks again, and this time it was Stephanie who selected the wrong one, and off to Ghost Island she went. Unlike Kellyn, Stephanie did not get a chance to play for an advantage, but very much like Kellyn we had her talking about all the big changes she made in her life before coming out there and how she was a new woman because of it. It’s too bad because these are two very different women with two very different circumstances, but the beats did play very similarly, especially in back-to-back weeks.

I do like that Stephanie did not get a chance to play, however, because it served as a dagger to the beating heart of any and all conspiracy theories that like to imagine that Survivor is rigged, with the producers making up the rules as they go along for maximum dramatic effect. Because if the game were, in fact, rigged, Stephanie would have been playing for an advantage this week after Kellyn chose not to last time. It would have added drama to Ghost Island, and it would have potentially added another idol or advantage into the game and changed the dynamic of an otherwise sure-thing vote at Tribal Council.

But Probst assured me that all those mini-urns were set before the season began and everyone must smash them in a direct line from left to right, meaning they can’t change the rules on the fly. For any of you Doubting Thomases out there crying bloody murder after the final 5 firemaking surprise last season, this should prove it. Otherwise, Stephanie is not getting the “No Game Today” parchment.

Incidentally, I also was crying bloody murder about that final 5 switch, but not because I thought it was an underhanded last second change to get Ben the person to the finals, but just because I didn’t like how the rule was put in place specifically to get a player like Ben to the end instead of allowing things to play out naturally and enjoying the non-engineered drama of having a worthy competitor make it so close and ultimately fall short. We already expanded from a final 2 to final 3. Why now have something to protect the person in the number 4 spot? Where does the madness end? But I already spent over 1,000 words discussing all of this that last season so why am I bringing it back up now? My bad.

I’m not sure if I’m more a fan of Desiree being pulled before she was ready, leading to a completely submerged ride back to shore, or Chelsea going upside down before losing her board completely. Let’s call it a draw. But the real drama came down to the end where Naviti had a huge lead going into the slide puzzle. Ah, but Malolo had puzzle demons Kellyn and Bradley going to work. Could they make up the time? Would they take a look at that huge deficit, laugh in the face of danger, and pull out their most stunning victory yet? Was this the moment were Kellyn cemented her legend as a puzzle dominator of epic proportions not seen since the days of… Oh, wait, she already lost. Naviti solved it. So much for that!

Personally I can move on from that loss as easily as I move on to another Milwaukee’s Best, but Kellyn… well, she looked pretty bummed. My sharply honed observational skills developed only after years of professional study and training drew me to this conclusion after I saw Kellyn moan, “Ugh, that pisses me off.” That was my first clue. My second clue was when Kellyn super-glued her eyes shut after the challenge was over to avoid having to gaze upon her own shame in defeat. I guess she doesn’t exactly like to be consoled either.

And just compare that “cold shoulder” to her shoulder squeeze reaction before the challenge.

A tale of two Kellyns indeed.

How Low Can Malolo Go? (story credit by Sea Bass)
Props to the producers for not trying to float a ridiculous red herring to make us think there was some remote possibility that the original Malolo three could somehow convince some of the former Navitis to flip sides. Instead, we all knew it would be a down-the-line vote. We just didn’t know if that meant Michael, Jenna, or Stephanie was going home. And apparently, neither did the Naviti five, changing their mind as often as Chris changes the topic of conversation over on the other beach to something involving himself.

And the Malolos were doing their part to try and stay. Of all the competitors this season on Survivor: Ghost Island, Jenna has had perhaps the biggest hurdle in life to overcome — her own face. “I just have this blank, almost angry look on my face, so it’s hard for me to switch off the defensive, bitchy look,” she tells us. “That’s where I go.” Uh-oh, looks like we have a self-diagnosed case of RBF. So Jenna forced herself to smile while flirting with Mr. Banana Laffy Taffy himself, offering to — instant barf alert! — braid his hair. But Stephanie went even one step further. “Just use me,” she says to Bradley, and we have to assume she meant in the strategic voting sense only.

For his part, Michael tried a LOT of crying while also preaching loyalty to the other team, but ultimately it really came down to who made the most sense for Naviti to cut loose like Footloose. The three Malolo campaigned for themselves at Tribal Council, but I want to focus more on something Kellyn — who had finally opened her eyes — said instead when asked about the concept of tribe strength. “There are so many ways to look at what strength is in this game.” PREACH!!!!

I have been saying this for years and get so frustrated when contestants continue to equate “keeping a tribe strong” which actual physical strength. A killer puzzle solver is 10 times more valuable pre-merge than a big body because — as you have heard me say a million and one times — 95 percent of challenges that involve a puzzle ultimately come down to said puzzle. A lot of that other athletic stuff is just (albeit very cool and very fun) window dressing. Strength can be measured in other ways as well — social or strategic strength in terms of how to keep a core alliance strong pre-merge and how to infiltrate and exploit the opposition post-merge.

Anyway, Kellyn was probably just spouting some nonsense to get Probst off her back — which is what everyone does at Tribal Council, basically — but it still made me feel less alone in the universe and for that I am appreciative.

Stephanie’s Last Stand
Survivor is a cruel game. Just because you are a strong player does not mean you will have a strong outing. Look no further than Boston Rob for proof on this. Homeboy played four times. Twice he made it all the way to the end, the other two times he didn’t even make it to the jury. Stephanie came out of the gate strong, showing a lot of savvy and coming off as a power player in her tribe. Unfortunately for her, that tribe also lost the first two challenges and she ended up down in numbers after the swap. And that was game over for her.

It’s too bad because she showed me a lot out there and I feel there is so much untapped potential in terms of what she could have provided on the show. And while I’d like to see that potential again in a future season, I do hope it doesn’t happen immediately for reasons laid out in this article from yesterday on why Survivor should space out appearances from returning players more.

In any event, Stephanie was still memorable in her short stint, and not just due to her neon leggings. And I do think she was the smart pick for Naviti to take out — since Michael would not give her an idol again after last week’s snafu.

And that will do it. We are now more than a third of the way through the season. The next third is often the toughest stretch of a season for viewers — past the initial burst of excitement when a season starts and original alliances are forming, and not quite at the mad rush end game where the stakes are raised and dreams are dashed so close to the finish line. We’ll see how Ghost Island fares, but with so many dynamic personalities and players still in the mix, I’m hopeful it will be solid.

And now it’s your turn. Did the former Naviti five get rid of the right person? Is Donathan your favorite player so far? And what do you make of the legend (in his own mind?) that is Chris Noble. Weigh in on the message board below and I’ll be back next week with another scoop of the crispy!