‘Succession’s’ Best Roman and Gerri Moments: Slime Puppies, D— Pics, Mommy Issues and More
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It’s hard to imagine a world without J. Smith-Cameron as Gerri on HBO’s “Succession,” but that was almost the case. Back in Season 1, she was offered four episodes, with the possibility of coming back at the end of the season. But the writers caught on, and Gerri became a regular — and in turn, loyal viewers have gotten to see the hottest, strangest unconsummated relationship on television, between Roman (Kieran Culkin) and Gerri (Smith-Cameron).
In true “Succession” style, theirs is not a love story. Because why should anyone get what they want?
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Over the course of the series, Roman, the youngest son in the Roy family, develops an infatuation with Waystar Royco’s general counsel Gerri Kellman. From “Slime Puppy” to the famous “dick pic,” Variety highlights their raciest moments through the seasons.
Their First Flirtation (Season 1, Episode 2)
With Logan (Brian Cox) in the hospital, the Roy clan gathers there. It’s also the first moment when Roman sets his puppy dog eyes on Gerri, and attempts to flirt with her.
Gerri reveals it’s the same spot where “they brought her husband.” A clueless Roman asks how he’s doing, to which she replies, “he’s dead.”
The youngest Roy doesn’t waste a second, and responds, “I suck at the whole corporate flirt thing,” he says, adding “I like to lube up and fuck.”
With Kendall (Jeremy Strong) in line to succeed should anything happen to Logan, Roman and sibling sis Shiv (Sarah Snook), plot to thwart that. They agree that Gerri would be ideal to step in instead. Roman finds Gerri in the hospital hallway, and proceeds to make her an offer she knows “where the bodies are buried, and you would have the family’s support to step in and take the reins.”
More banter ensues, and Roman tells her, as he stares into her chest, “I’ve always thought of you as a stone-cold killer bitch.”
“Who says you don’t know how to flirt?” Gerri asks.
And so the Roman/Gerri hive was born.
Gerri buttons Roman’s shirt (Season 2, Episode 3)
Forced to go to Vaulter, Waystar Royco’s newly acquired company, Roman is feeling out of place, and calls Gerri to come over. Later, his girlfriend Tabitha encourages him to contact a board member Naomi Pierce from a rival company, and tries to broker a deal. Things go disastrously wrong when Logan finds out.
Gerri checks in on Roman, and finds him hungover. In Roman’s own words, daddy Logan “is cutting his fucking balls off.” Unable to button his shirt, Gerri steps in.
Deep breath.
Roman tells her, “You know if I were capable of any sudden movement I would totally pounce on you.”
In a classic Gerri deadpan moment, she says, “I actually get that a lot. Usually from men in their 90s.”
She recommends he do the management training program if he wants Logan to take him seriously.
The ‘You Little Slime Puppy’ Moment (Season 2, Episode 4)
“You little slime puppy.”
Episode 4 of the second season birthed an internet meme, and one of the greatest insults that has become part of our vocabulary.
The episode begins with Gerri calling to check in on Roman during his management training program. He tells her he’s not having the best time. “This is good for you,” Gerri says.
Roman sighs, “I know. I’m going to grow up and become a real little boy, and learn the price of an egg and do phone sex with my girlfriend like a normo.”
Gerri tells him he’ll be fine and to “just be brave” to which he answers, “Yes, Mommy.” (Romulus’ mommy issues stem from an absent mother).
Later, Roman tries to follow through on having phone sex with Tabitha, but it doesn’t quite work out for him. So, he calls Gerri.
Bemoaning how he feels left out of the promotional video and feeling terrible, she candidly tells him, “You are a piece of shit.”
Roman informs her he’s come up with a ride idea, and she shuts him down, telling him he’s not going to do that considering it’s only his first day of training.
They proceed to swap insults, with Roman getting turned on. Gerri picks up her martini glass and continues to tell him, as he arouses himself. “You disgusting little pig. You’re pathetic. You are a revolting little worm, aren’t you? You little slime puppy.”
And the rest is history.
Roman’s Nightcap (Season 2, Episode 5)
Gerri and Roman have an awkward exchange the next morning.
Roman once again fails to have sex with his girlfriend. So, he turns to Gerri, wanting to talk about his future after learning he’s the son least likely to take over Waystar Royco.
“I’m not available 24 hours a day like an ATM,” Gerri says as she greets him at the door.
Then, Gerri offers him a nightcap “because you know, it’s bedtime,” and Roman takes the opportunity to schedule a conference call.
Gerri scolds him, “This is unacceptable. It’s completely inappropriate.” And she plays right into Roman’s fantasies.
‘Shall We Get Married?’ (Season 2, Episode 8)
Poor Roman, he’s also not the most romantic soul. None of the Roys are.
He puts an offer on the table for Gerri, and their exchange plays out like so.
Roman: One more thing, real quick, should we get married?
Gerri: What?
Roman: You know not that, like an equivalent thing. Like I abduct you, and force you to live with me.
Gerri: That’s not equivalent.
Roman: Then you kill me. You chop my dick off, you know, something. I’m kidding, but you know what I’m saying: you eat me, I eat you — like they do in Germany. Anyway, a lot to think about.
He says goodbye, indeed, leaving Gerri to think about his not-so-romantic proposal. There was no ring and no bended knee.
Roman’s Dick Pic (Season 3, Episode 8)
What has Roman done?
Everyone has done it. Sent a text to the wrong person. By mistake. The audience sees what has happened as Roman waits for Gerri to get a text alert. But she never gets it, because Roman sent it to his father.
“Yeah, that’s his dick. He sent you a picture of his dick by mistake,” Shiv confirms to Logan.
Earlier in the episode, Gerri makes it clear to Roman that she is moving away from him, and dating Laurie.
“You … don’t want pictures of my dick?” Roman taunts her.
She gently tells him, “You need to find some other outlet.”
But he doesn’t quite know what to do with that rejection. “Fuck Laurie, lead the company into the promised land, fuck Gerri,” Slime puppy has lost his charm, and his way with Gerri.
Even though the Roy family is at a wedding, business still continues, and they find time to sit down for a meeting to discuss Matsson and the merger.
Roman leads the conversation. “The future is movies, TV, music games sports eSports VR, AR betting. Everything for everyone.”
Before everyone else comes into the meeting, Gerri praises him over text, “Well done, Roman.”
As he’s replying, Logan also sends him a text, which causes Roman to embarrass himself — and possibly torpedo his future at Waystar Royco.
But as a parting gift, there’s always this teaser poster of the duo.
Gerri Kellman. Roman Roy. #Succession pic.twitter.com/lmfKHz0zqU
— Succession (@succession) September 27, 2021
The final season of “Succession” premieres Sunday, March 26 at 9 p.m. on HBO.
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