Stephen Colbert promises celebrity 'passions run high' in CBS's pickleball special

Pickleball is going prime time.

Stephen Colbert, avowed fan of the booming game, is hosting CBS's celebrity tournament Thursday (9 EST/PST) – but don’t look for the "Late Show" host to suit up.

“I’m the Bob Costas here,” he says of his tongue-firmly-in-cheek anchoring duties, likening himself to the longtime sports announcer.

If you still haven’t heard of the pandemic-fueled sport, a gumbo of tennis, pingpong and badminton, CBS aims to rectify that with “Pickled,” a two-hour special that promises committed play for the celeb teams.

But Colbert’s presence guarantees the laughs, from its Claussen pickles sponsorship to a State of the Pickle halftime report called “Dark Side of the Pickle.”

“We’ll explore how pickleball was responsible for something like 19,000 injuries last year, mostly from tripping,” Colbert says with his trademark deadpan. “So yes, Americans, pickleball is asking you to do the one activity you’re not ready for – movement.”

What is pickleball?: A brief history of the sport and how to play.

Battling it out on the Southern California courts for the Comic Relief charity is a wide range of celebs, who paired up, in keeping with pickleball’s overwhelmingly doubles-focused ethos.

The teams consist of singer and actress Kelly Rowland and "The White Lotus" Emmy winner Murray Bartlett; ex-boxer Sugar Ray Leonard and actress Emma Watson; country star Dierks Bentley and "The Amazing Race" host Phil Keoghan; actors Luis Guzman and Daniel Dae Kim; actors Jaime Camil ("Jane the Virgin") and Aisha Tyler; actors June Diane Raphael and Paul Scheer; "American Idol" alum Jimmie Allen and actor Max Greenfield; and comedian Tig Notaro and an unannounced “mystery player."

Think of it as 'Battle of the Network Stars,' 2022 style

Colbert and the show’s producers, Funny or Die, envisioned “Pickled” as a latter-day “Battle of the Network Stars,” a staple of 1970s TV that featured celebrities in an oddball Olympiad that included events such as outdoor bowling and three-on-three football.

Just as with “Battle,” the 16 celebrities in “Pickled” took the tournament “incredibly seriously,” says Funny or Die chief creative officer Joe Farrell: “We wanted them to have fun, but not goof off within the game. And to a person, they said, ‘Oh don’t worry, we’re here to win.’"

Adds Colbert: “You don’t get big in Hollywood without a competitive streak, and that shows.”

The host is mum on who triumphs on the pickle courts, but he does offer Costas-meets-Colbert insights.

“The pure liquid grace of an Emma Watson is going to open a lot of eyes. She could go pro; she’s young enough,” he says, stifling a laugh. “And I will say this, country music stars are better at this than they have been given credit for. That story hasn’t been written.”

Colbert, 58, says his wife and producing partner, Evie, gave him an at-home pickleball set last Christmas, consisting of paddles, the waist-high net and chalk to mark the lines of a regulation court, which is about a quarter the size of a tennis court.

He’s played a dozen or so times since and is eager for more, appreciative of the sport’s many lures: “It doesn’t take a lot of money to play it, it’s egalitarian, not super punishing on your body and it seems like a friendly sport.”

Others agree. Pickleball has boomed since its 1960s origins near Seattle, where bored kids were challenged by their parents to make up a sport. Where there were maybe 100,000 players a dozen years ago, some 4.8 million Americans now play, according to the Sports and Fitness Industry Association.

“At this point, you can find pickleball courts almost anywhere,” says Wayne Dollard, a tennis player turned mixed-doubles champion alongside his wife, Lisa. The couple publish Pickleball magazine and run LevelUp pickleball camps around the country.

What is pickleball?: Here's the history of the sport and how to play

“The appeal is, you can start playing regardless of your sports or social background, and have fun your very first day out there,” he says, adding that country singer Maren Morris, who recently graced Pickleball’s cover, sets up courts for herself and her crew while on tour. “It’s just a really welcoming sort of sport.”

Pickleball and tennis are often a sour combination

Pickleball’s professional ranks have grown as well, with a variety of associations representing competing tournaments that have given rise to pro teams backed by the likes of LeBron James, Mark Cuban and Tom Brady.

Cable networks such as the Tennis Channel now air tournaments, although Colbert promises that “Pickle” will beat them all, visually.

“I’m happy to say we’ve shot this six ways from Sunday, everything but the zipline camera shot from the Super Bowl,” he says, his voice rising. “You’ve never seen pickleball shot with this level of excitement and fervor. It’s like you’re in the ball.”

Speaking of fervor, with its meteoric rise, the sport has experienced some growing pains. Disputes include neighborhood associations griping that the distinctive “pop” of a pickleball paddle smacking the whiffle ball is annoying, and disgruntled tennis players complaining that their courts are being usurped.

Colbert allows that even in his special, “passions run high." And he urges (mock) caution.

“I’ve heard of fights breaking out, and not the cool jazz dancing type from ‘West Side Story,’” he says. As for pickleballers taking on tennis players, he offers two words: stand down.

“It would be dangerous for a pickleball person to get into a fight with a tennis person, because their racquets are longer,” he says. “It’s the tale of the tape, and you’re going to lose.”

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Stephen Colbert on channeling Costas in celebrity pickleball special