Stephen Colbert Gets Burned by Taylor Tomlinson When Talking Emmys Chances: ‘Is John Oliver in Your Category?’ | Video

Stephen Colbert opened up his Monday night “Late Show” monologue by admitting that the segment was pretaped last Thursday, as he would be flying back from Monday’s Emmys.

“So, shhh, don’t tell me if I won, or if the door of my plane popped off,” Colbert said.

The monologue ended with a guest appearance by Taylor Tomlinson, host of CBS’s new post-“Late Show” program, “After Midnight.” After explaining the new comedian-driven faux game show, she delivered a full-circle meta moment when Colbert asked what Tomlinson was doing there at his New York City studio.

“Your show premieres right after this show, and it shoots in Los Angeles,” Colbert said.

Tomlinson responded, “Well, Stephen, have you ever heard of a little thing called… editing?”

Colbert explained that, yes, of course he does since he has his own TV show, which Tomlinson gleefully followed up by stating that, as of tonight, she does too.

“I’m loving the magic of TV. For example, thanks to ‘editing,’ we’re actually having this conversation a week before it’s going to air,” Tomlinson said. “Right now, I am actually in L.A. — and guess what, Stephen, so are you, because last night was the Emmys.”

He responded, “Wait a second — you’re in L.A. You’d know — did I win?”

Tomlinson responded, “Depends, is John Oliver in your category this year?”

The audience let out an “ooooh” of recognition at what was, to some extent, a sick burn, given Oliver’s utter dominance with his “Last Week Tonight” at the Emmys over the years. When Colbert said no, Tomlinson gave an emphatic, “Then yes! Yaaaay! But also, maybe no. See, so now we have it both ways, so you can just edit it in later when you have the right answer.”

Colbert did not, in fact, win an Emmy. His category was won by his alma mater, “The Daily Show” (no longer with Trevor Noah, but with Trevor Noah at the time of its nomination). In a separate Scripted Variety Series category, Oliver once again won.

“Wow, you really are good at TV,” Colbert replied to Tomlinson.

“Well, I learned from the best,” she continued, before they both concluded the line, “Conan.”

Outside of TV time travel and praising O’Brien, Colbert spent most of his monologue talking about the Iowa caucuses.

“Last night was also the Iowa caucuses,” past Colbert said. “Now, since I actually recorded this monologue last Thursday, we have no idea who won.”

He then abruptly said, “It was Donald Trump. Probably. Hate to say it.”

After the crowd booed, Colbert added, “You’re obviously not from Iowa, because they love him in Iowa. I think because he has the exact same hair as an ear of corn,” at which pointed he showed a side-by-side photo of Trump with a corn stalk with stringy light yellow tassels coming off of it.

The talk turned to the cold temperatures expected for the Iowa caucus and the likely small turnout. Colbert quipped, “We all know, subzero temperatures will definitely shrink your caucus” — with the emphasis on the “cauc” of the word. The host admitted that the joke was “an oldie but a goodie.”

He followed that by showing a chart with declining numbers and adding that the high was expected to be 0 degrees. He then “corrected” himself and showed an edited graphic with the number 0 emphasized as he stated, “I’m sorry, that’s actually Ron DeSantis’s poll numbers.”

Speaking of the Florida governor, Colbert also discussed a Florida school district pulling dictionaries from its shelves due to including definitions of words such as “sex.” That’s because, as Colbert noted, DeSantis signed a law last year that regulated any mention of “sex” in books, “out of fear it would make kids cooler than he is.”

The host added, “Now, it seems extreme, but you can’t be too careful. Why stop at dictionaries?” He grabbed an imaginary PA mic and added in a nasal announcer voice, “Attention, students: P.E. is now canceled because footballs kind of look like a big, weird testicle. Also, no more school lunch — we discovered squeezing a Capri Sun feels like a boob.”

Colbert also ran down issues facing state Republican parties across the country, noting that the Arizona GOP party has just $14,800 in the bank, which Colbert noted meant the Arizona GOP could not afford to buy a 2017 Honda Civic.

He went on to cite problems with local Republican politicians, including Florida’s Republican Party chairman being ousted due to being under criminal investigation for sexual assault.

“Yes,” Colbert emphatically added, before delivering a punchline everyone could likely see coming. “No one under investigation for sexual assault should be chairman of the Florida Republican Party. They should be the Republican nominee for president.”

You can watch the full Colbert “Late Show” monologue in the video above.

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