Well, that Last Jedi thing really didn’t turn out like anyone expected.
Rian Johnson, director of the next Star Wars movie, shared a new track by John Darnielle of the band The Mountain Goats on Twitter Monday morning, writing that the song — titled “The Ultimate Jedi Who Wastes All the Other Jedi and Eats Their Bones” — started as a joke, but “now it’s canon.” And, you know, as the man now in charge of the Skywalker Saga, he’s probably allowed to make that decision. Maybe. Probably.
— Rian Johnson (@rianjohnson) January 30, 2017
Darnielle’s song offers advice to a new Jedi, which starts well— “Do your best in city or in swampland/Peace over anger, honor over hate” — before taking a surprising turn midway through: “At the end of all your days, one Jedi waits for you/With the dust of Jedi bones piled high like parsnips on his plate,” he sings. “The long feast will be filmed for mass consumption/The cameras Rian’s got these days are unimaginably high-res.”
He continues, “All the Jedis from all the planets/In this putrid universe/Get eaten by this last one and now it’s your turn.” This is what we get for repeatedly asking what Star Wars: The Last Jedi meant: a surprisingly catchy song that spoils that Luke Skywalker has been hiding away on an island because he’s been eating the competition. Really, it’s all we deserve.