Sophia Bush Pens Essay on Experiencing 'Real Joy' After Coming Out: 'I Finally Feel Like I Can Breathe'

Bush also opened up about her divorce from Grant Hughes and the start of her relationship with former women's soccer player Ashlyn Harris

Sophia Bush is opening up like never before.

Penning an essay as Glamour’s April 2024 cover star, Bush, 41, publicly came out as “queer” for the first time. “I finally feel like I can breathe. I don’t think I can explain how profound that is,” she wrote.

"I don't think I can explain how profound that is. I feel like I was wearing a weighted vest for who knows how long," she continued. "I hadn’t realized how heavy it was until I finally just put it down. This might sound crazy—but I think other people in trauma recovery will get it—I am taking deep breaths again. I can feel my legs and feet. I can feel my feet in my shoes right now. It makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time."

In August 2023, the One Tree Hill alum filed for divorce from entrepreneur Grant Hughes after a year of marriage. Two months later, PEOPLE broke the news that the actress began seeing former American soccer player Ashlyn Harris. The retired athlete had also filed for divorce from then-wife and fellow soccer pro Ali Krieger in September 2023.

Related: Sophia Bush Dishes on the 'Hot Divorce Summer' Group Chat She Started with Friends

Although rumors arose of an affair between Bush and Harris, a source told PEOPLE “there was no salacious story” to their relationship, “though the public may want there to be.”

Addressing the “home-wrecker” allegations in her essay, Bush wrote, “The idea that I left my marriage based on some hysterical rendezvous—that, to be crystal-clear, never happened—rather than having taken over a year to do the most soul crushing work of my life? … It feels brutal.”

At the end of what she called a “long and thoughtful and exhaustive” journey, the former Chicago P.D. star said she now has “real joy” in coming to terms with her sexuality.

“It took me 41 years to get here,” she shared. “When I take stock of the last few years, I can tell you that I have never operated out of more integrity in my life. I hope that’s clear enough for everyone speculating out there, while being as gentle as I possibly can be.”

Related: Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris Pose with Kamala Harris at Event Celebrating Women in Sports

Bush first met Harris in 2019, but during the summer of 2023, she recalled how they became close friends while consoling each other through recent splits from their respective spouses. Eventually, she asked Harris to have a “non-friend-group hang,” leading to a four-hour dinner that she described as one of “the most surreal experiences” of her life.

“Maybe it was all fated. Maybe it really is a version of invisible string theory. I don’t really know,” she wrote. “But I do know that for a sparkly moment I felt like maybe the universe had been conspiring for me. And that feeling that I have in my bones is one I’ll hold on to no matter where things go from here.”

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Since Bush and Harris’ relationship went public, the couple have stepped out together in December at Art Basel in Miami and last month at Elton John’s Oscars party. On March 20, the two celebrated Ruby Rose’s 38th birthday at Magic Castle in Los Angeles.

“They were very affectionate and shared kisses throughout the night,” an insider shared of the pair. “They seem very, very happy.”

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