“My fellow Americans, this Tuesday, our midterm election will determine the fate of our democracy and let’s just say Big Yikes!” Biden said. “I guess the Democrats’ message just isn’t getting through.”
“Folks, I’m trying like Hell, I promise,” Austin Johnson added. “I’m on the Peloton every morning tempting fate.”
To bring more “sizzle” to the Democratic Party, Austin’s Biden then introduced a roster of celebrities to replace key candidates: Guy Fieri (Molly Kearney), Tekashi 6ix9ine (Marcello Hernandez), porn star Stormy Daniels (Cecily Strong), Azealia Banks (Ego Nwodim), Tracy Morgan (Kenan Thompson).
“America is hungry for change,” Fieri said. “But do y’all want Dr. Oz’s crudites or a full plate of paid family leave dripping in donkey sauce?” Next, 6ix9ine is introduced as “your next senator from Ohio,” before the polarizing rapper shares his “I want no cap on social security, no cap. Democrats, baby, treyway,” Tekashi said.
Finally, Strong’s Stormy Daniels sheds light on her willingness to put her sketchy past behind her. “I may be a former adult star currently on Season 7 of ‘The Surreal Life,’ but I am willing to debase myself and enter U.S. politics,” Daniels said. “I can work with anyone, and I’m willing to reach around the aisle to get things done.”
Watch the full cold open up top.