The exuberant song was spurred by the fact that it was his second time hosting the late-night sketch show (and the first pulling double-duty as both host and musical guest). “To honor my hometown, I’m going to do a song about Chicago, the Second City,” he announced at the top of the show. What followed was a tune that paid homage to Pepsi, Adam Carolla, Redbox and Bing, as well as Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘s spinoff series Angel.
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Read the complete lyrics to the monologue rap below, then press PLAY on the video at the top of the post to hear it for yourself.
Now, I love Chicago, the city that fathered me
Called the Second City, but that doesn’t bother me
I’ve gotta tell ya, I think it’s the reverse
‘Cause sometimes, the second-best is better than the first
Sometimes, the second-best is better than the first
Like, I don’t like Google, I use Bing
I like french fries from Burger King
When it comes to Harry Potter, people give me grief
‘Cause I prefer Percy Jackson: Lightning Thief
I only drink Pepsi, never Coca-Cola
Jimmy Kimmel’s fine, but I love Adam Carolla
And Robin Gibb? Favorite Bee Gee
I hate Mario, love Luigi
I’m the kind of guy that likes the second-best better
I’m the kind of guy that likes the second-best one
I like DMC better than Run
‘Cause I’m the kind of guy that likes the second best, son
Cast member Kyle Mooney then joined Chance, saying he could relate, because he’s from San Diego, “kind of the Second City of California.” And though the host was dubious, Mooney joined in.
Now me and Chance, we live that thug life
‘Cause we like Antz more than Bug’s Life
Sense and Sensibility‘s better than Pride and Prejudice
Never had Nintendo, but I rocked a Sega Genesis
Yo I like Scrappy more than Scooby-Doo
I don’t like Chili’s, but I love Chili’s Too
I like the Clippers, the Nets and the White Sox
I don’t have Netflix, I like Redbox
I use DHL for my overnight shipping
And my favorite Bulls player? Scottie Pippen
I like Hanukkah more than Christmas, and I don’t like islands, but I love isthmuses.
After some debate about whether isthmuses could be considered second-rate islands (“for the purposes of this song, yes,” Mooney argued), the pair went in for the final verses.
Instead of Starbucks, you know what I do?
I go to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf or Caribou
Lunchtime, I don’t have to think it over
I skip Chipotle, head to Qdoba
Some people like Mase more than Puffy
I like the show Angel better than Buffy
And my favorite show about ’90s teens
Wasn’t Saved by the Bell, it was California Dreams
Yeah, I’m the kind of guy that likes the second-best better
I think Chicago is better than the rest
I take seconds at dinner and second glances
I believe in second chances
I love my wife and my family is true
A month ago, we welcomed Daughter Number 2
Now I’m in New York, it’s great to be alive
I’m back for the second time hosting Saturday Night Live!
What did you think of SNL‘s monologue this week? Hit the comments with your reactions.
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