“Sister Wives” Kody Brown on How Feeling 'Powerless' as a Patriarch Damaged His Relationship with His Older Children

“I don't know what happened. All that's left now is moving forward," Kody tells PEOPLE of his complicated relationship with his children

Kody Brown is reflecting on how his relationship with his older children has changed.

In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, the 54-year-old Sister Wives star opens up about feeling “powerless” when it comes to seeing eye-to-eye with his older children and admitted their relationships have become strained.

“Your relationship with your 10-year-old or your five-year-old or your babies is very different than the relationship you have with a 15-year-old, a 20-year-old, and a 25 and a 30-year-old. It's very different,” he says. “I didn't have any power in my household to say, ‘These are the rules.’”

Related: 'Sister Wives' ' Gwendlyn Brown Admits She Doesn't See Robyn's Kids: 'I Do Miss Them Completely'

Feeling “powerless” as a father figure, Kody admitted his family began to “unravel” and were unable to negotiate through their differences. And when “one person” has a different “perspective,” the reality star says it could end up offending the other party.

“There were a lot of things … very difficult issues that we had to deal with. There were no good answers at the time,” he explains.

Kody shared how the COVID-19 pandemic negatively impacted their relationships, noting that he was “not in a good place” with Christine Brown and “recovering from a lot of anger” with Meri Brown and Janelle Brown.

Related: Christine Brown's Daughter Calls Out Dad Kody's 'Manipulative' Approach with Ex Meri: 'False Hope'

“But in the end, it's almost like it was a blur,” he says. “I don't know what happened. All that's left now is moving forward. Moving forward and hopefully healing these relationships. It is really a story now, moving forward. This is a story about forgiveness. Forgiveness and finding hope and joy after relationships have been severed from the way that's the norm.”

The television personality says that he’s learning to “find a new normal” with his former wives and “all of my children.”

Gwendlyn Brown, whom Kody shares with Christine, has been vocal about her complicated relationship with the Brown family patriarch.

In a video posted to her YouTube channel in February, the 21-year-old grew emotional while reacting to an episode of Sister Wives where Kody made time to greet his and wife Robyn Brown's kids after school.

"I know that I should be happy for them, but seeing him be an active father with these kids really hurts," Gwendlyn said with tears building. "It sucks to not be able to see them."

She explained how complicated it is to feel happy that her siblings are getting the parenting they need while feeling she didn't get the same from their dad, who has 18 kids in total from his plural marriage with Robyn as well as ex-wives Janelle, Christine and Meri.

Related: 'Sister Wives' ' Gwendlyn Brown Knocks 'Useless' Dads Who 'Can't Take Care' of Their Kids amid Fight with Kody

"It's terrible that I'm making this about myself, but it hurts so much to see him be a good father to others when I didn't really get that much. I know I should be happy for them and I am," she said. "I'm so happy they have a good father, or what looks like to be a good father and an active father. But I just didn't get that and I don't remember that. I don't remember coming home from kindergarten and seeing my dad and him being happy that I ate all my lunch or that I made a friend at school."

Gwendlyn also praised mom Christine for "always" being there for them, saying, "I'm so happy I had her, but it was never my dad."

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Sister Wives airs Sundays at 10 p.m. ET on TLC.

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