“Sister Wives”' Janelle Brown Says Her First Mother's Day Since Son Garrison's Death Was 'Surprisingly Emotional'

“All weekend I felt the grief so close to the surface," Brown wrote on May 20 alongside a photo of her son Garrison's favorite pie

Janelle Brown is reflecting on how the loss of her son Garrison Brown has impacted her first Mother’s Day without him.

The Sister Wives star, 55, shared an emotional Instagram post about the grief she felt over the weekend after the death of her son Garrison, who died by suicide in his Flagstaff, Arizona home on March 5.

“Mother’s Day, Grief and Strawberry Rhubarb Pie,” she captioned the post, which featured a photo of the fully baked pie in a tin.

“Mother’s Day was surprisingly emotional for me,” she continued. “It just never has been a big holiday for me. My children have always shown up for me and made me feel special everyday. Especially since they became independent adults and weren’t home all the time.”

Related: 'Sister Wives' Family: Everything to Know About Kody Brown, His 4 Wives and 18 Kids

However, the mom of six noted that “this year was different” because Garrison, whom she shared with ex Kody Brown, wasn’t there to celebrate with her.

“All weekend I felt the grief so close to the surface,” Janelle wrote. “And it was especially poignant when I made this simple pie. Our strawberry picking excursion combined with the fact that I randomly found rhubarb at the local farmers market made it feel like this pie was destined.”

“Strawberry Rhubarb is a huge favorite at our house and maybe no one loved it more than Garrison,” she explained. “And that made this pie a little bitter sweet.”

She concluded the message by writing, “I love you honey and miss you every day.”

Last week, the Coconino County Medical Examiner confirmed that the 25-year-old died by suicide with ethanol intoxication, or alcohol poisioning, as a contributing factor in his death.

Related: Garrison Brown Honored by Nevada National Guard After His Death: ‘His Passing Has Left a Void’

In March, Flagstaff Police Department confirmed to PEOPLE they responded to a report of a "death inside a home" and confirmed that his brother Gabriel, 22, had "discovered Mr. Brown deceased" in an apparent suicide.

Shortly after the news, Janelle confirmed her son's death in a statement shared to Instagram.

"Kody and I are deeply saddened to announce the loss of our beautiful boy Robert Garrison Brown," she captioned a series of images of her son. "He was a bright spot in the lives of all who knew him. His loss will leave such a big hole in our lives that it takes our breath away. We ask that you please respect our privacy and join us in honoring his memory." (Kody also posted the same statement on his own Instagram page.)

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Fans were first introduced to Garrison in 2010 on the TLC show Sister Wives alongside his siblings, Madison, Logan, Gabriel, Hunter and Savanah. The show centered around his mother Janelle and his father Kody's other wives — Meri, Christine and Robyn Brown — and documented the polygamist family's day-to-day life.

In December 2022, Janelle announced that she and Kody had separated after nearly 30 years of marriage. She was the second Brown family matriarch to leave after Christine announced she had left Kody. Meri also revealed that she and Kody had also parted ways, leaving Robyn as the Brown patriarch's sole remaining wife.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.

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