Sharon Kennedy: Is she stupid or just plain dumb?
If I ever again step out of my “own lane” and write about four-legged rodents or firearms, somebody please have me committed. On average, I receive about a dozen emails a year regarding a column. The recent one wherein I mentioned my frustration with porcupines garnered more than 100 and they’re still coming.
Fellows, I get it. You’ve pointed out my ignorance about assault weapons, semi-automatic rifles and what the military used in Vietnam. Enough. I stand corrected on all fronts. From now on I’ll stick with what I know and that isn’t much.
There are a few misconceptions I’d like to set straight before I return to writing about the days of my youth.
First, I do not think our government will confiscate our firearms. Perhaps I’m being naïve. Some old boys will probably add that to the list of adjectives I was called such as “dumb, stupid, ignorant, ill-informed” and a few others unmentionable in this venue. Secondly, I am not a “bleeding liberal.” Yes, for many years I voted the Democratic ticket but the party I once embraced is not the party I now feel comfortable with. Some Republicans know what I mean because you feel the same way about your party.
Thirdly, and undoubtedly most important, I have never considered purchasing any kind of lethal weapon. The shotgun I keep in my home was given to me. I practiced shooting cans in my backyard until I got the hang of it, but aiming in daylight at a stationary target is not the same as trying to aim at a live critter at midnight. Someone suggested I tape a flashlight to the barrel. Another gent asked if I had considered ignoring the gnawing. A few fellows offered advice and sent YouTube videos with their emails. Many informed me that soldiers were given AR-15s as early as 1964.
Lastly, if anyone thinks I enjoy being awakened from a deep sleep by the unmistakable crunch, crunch of a lousy porcupine devouring my property, you’re wrong. It’s no picnic shaking myself awake, reaching for my jeans and shirt, loading the shotgun, stuffing extra shells into my pockets, shining a flashlight to find the rodent and then fumbling around in the dark trying to aim at something I know I’ll most likely miss. It’s a royal pain. A nuisance. A botheration.
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I stand corrected on every “laughable” premise I wrote, but I’m glad my ignorance was enjoyed by so many guys. I taught English Composition to freshmen college students in the early 2000s. I often asked them why they seemed so apathetic about everything. They had no answer. That ill-fated “ridiculous” column of a couple weeks ago showed me there’s no apathy among gun owners. They’re a lively bunch who defend their Second Amendment rights. If I had lit a match to the seat of their pants, they wouldn’t have jumped any higher than they did when I mentioned assault weapons. Trust me, fellers. I won’t venture into uncharted waters again.
So back to what I do know. When I was a kid, our cows were hand-milked twice a day. My cousins who didn’t live on a farm refused to drink what they called “cows’ milk.” We always kept a few quarts of such milk in the fridge. Thick cream rose to the top. My grandmother churned it into butter that we spread on homemade white bread. Today is Saturday.
— To contact Sharon Kennedy, send her an email at authorsharonkennedy.com. Kennedy's latest book, “The SideRoad Kids: Tales from Chippewa County,” is available from her, Amazon, or Audible.
This article originally appeared on The Sault News: Sharon Kennedy: Is she stupid or just plain dumb?
