Shaquil Barrett Says It's Been a 'Daily Battle' Since Death of Daughter: 'There's No Replacing Arrayah'
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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker is getting candid about the big changes to his family since he last took the field
Shaquil Barrett is opening up about his emotional offseason.
After a week 8 Achilles injury sidelined the Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker, 30, last season, he was spending more time at home. Despite his frustration at the situation, Barrett told ESPN it was a blessing in disguise that gave him more time with 2-year-old daughter Arrayah, who died after drowning in a pool in May.
"This is a daily battle. Tough battle," Barrett told the outlet. "Today I felt it heavier today than I did the last couple days."
"Her smile — I just miss her so much. Her energy, just like putting her to bed every night, reading stories. She just brought so much brightness and wholeness and completeness to our lives. And we most definitely have a big, big, big, big, big hole in our hearts and our lives that we won't be able to fill."
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Barrett added, "I'm not happy I got hurt, but I'm happy that I was able to spend all that extra time well from being hurt last year. So it, like ... in hindsight, I'm looking back, I'm glad I was able to have that extra time with her so I could have more bonding time and experiences with her."
Heading into his 8th NFL season, Barrett keeps Arrayah close with a tattoo of his baby girl on his right forearm. He explained she is surrounded by stars because of one of his favorite memories with her, reading Deb Gruelle and Gabi Murphy's "Ten Little Stars" at bedtime.
"Every time we would read, she'd be like 'Star, star' in just the cutest voice, and she would call the moon 'stars' too," Barrett recalled. "But she loved her stars. It was everything."
In Arrayah's memory, Barrett and wife Jordanna — with whom he also shares daughter Aaliyah, 8, and sons Braylon, 10, and Shaquil Jr., 11., plus their baby girl on the way — are starting a foundation called "Arrayah Hope" to provide free swim lessons to kids in Tampa with the hopes of later expanding the program to other areas. They cite the Children's Safety Network's statistic that formal swimming lessons can reduce the risk of child drownings by as much as 88%.
Barrett candidly revealed that while they did have gates around the pool at their family home, "we just left it open that night."
Barrett wants to continue being transparent about the ups and downs of grieving in hopes of providing community to others who experience tragedy. While they've gone ahead with different summer experiences as a family, they've also gotten counseling for their kids and leaned on community, both in and out of the NFL.
"[Jordanna's] been really strong and we've been able to lean on each other," Barrett said. "But we also been really weak together too. We've also been sharing those tough times with each other, we've also been crying on each other, talking to each other, having times with the kids — everybody knows that it's OK to still talk about Arrayah, to still show our emotions for her. That's the way we need to remember her and just bring her brightness to our lives and to other people's lives by talking about her."
"I feel like we doing the best we can in this situation," he continued. "I ain't saying we doing perfect, but we doing I think the best we can in just, just being honest with our emotions, with each other, with our family and our friends, everybody that's supporting us. And not like being afraid to be weak from time to time — and not even weak, it's showing emotions."
The family is also looking ahead to winter, particularly February, when they'll welcome a baby girl that will be named Allanah Ray.
Jordanna Barret/Instagram
Though he had mixed feelings about the news, Jordanna leveled, "You can't think like that. You've gotta stay strong, have faith and believe."
"We know there's no replacing Arrayah. There's nothing ever in this world that can happen to replace our baby girl," said Barrett. "It's never going to be the same without her."
"She would've been the best big sister. Like, it just, it's bittersweet. It's bittersweet 'cause I know she's in a better place, but I would 100% prefer her to be here with us, selfishly. It's a lot. There's just a lot that goes on throughout the day."
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