The Shameless shameless rankings: Fiona's downward spiral continues

Welcome to the post-Ian Gallagher world.

Sunday’s “Down Like The Titanic” served both as the Shameless midseason finale (the hit series will return in January) and the first episode since the show’s most significant departure to date (Emmy Rossum’s impending exit will take over that distinction). While Cameron Monaghan’s absence was felt, Shameless was still as shameless as ever, between Frank pretending to be a psychiatrist as he got sexually pleasured and Debbie pulling off the ultimate revenge on the behalf of her big sister.

So grab a beer, bail your sibling out of prison, and find out how shameless your favorite Gallagher was this week. (For more Shameless, go read our interview with showrunner John Wells about the midseason finale and departures of Cameron Monaghan and Emmy Rossum.)

1. Ford

Good riddance, a–hole.

2. Fiona

“Going down like the f—ing Titanic” is how Fiona describes her current status. If I’m being honest, I feel like her initial reaction to her financial situation last episode was a bit too drastic. Like, just say that you don’t have the extra $25,000 instead of burning your life down. But then when the Ford drama was revealed, I understood how that extra emotional gut punch would send her spiraling, and that is exactly how we find her here. Her rough few days is evident from her first appearance where she’s passed out by the toilet, bloodied, and ignoring incoming calls — and it only gets worse when she realizes that she missed bringing Ian to prison. “I’m such a f—ing piece of s— that I forgot my own brother was going to prison,” she cries.

With her problems mounting, Fiona decides to put her building up for sale, and when Max comes by and finally learns about her money troubles, he offers to buy it for the exact amount she owes and will front her the 25K for their investment — but with interest. “You’re pretty, but I’m not a charity,” he says minutes after saying how he’s not as bad a guy as she thinks. She makes the deal, leaving her building and dog behind. She celebrates by wearing a “F— You Very Much” hat, testing out different vodkas at the grocery store, throwing a welcome home party, and failing to properly cook beef (more like, what’s not for dinner, am I right?). Her drunk, one-woman party gets interrupted by Debbie’s master revenge plan and, at least temporarily, Fiona seems happy, basking in the glory of shooting Ford’s ass with paintballs during his public shaming. I said temporarily because the mid-credits scene has Fiona drunk in the Gallagher backyard, talking to herself, yelling at neighbors, and declaring herself a mermaid. It should be an interesting last seven episodes for Fiona.

3. Frank

Meanwhile, Frank is dealing with his own spiraling woman. The Gallagher patriarch has seemingly moved in with Ingrid (Katey Sagal) and they’re at the indoor tobogganing stage of their relationship. And Frank isn’t just at stay-at-home boyfriend, he goes into the office with her and hides under her desk and pleasures her during one of her sessions. It doesn’t stop there as they flip roles and Frank plays shrink and she pleasures him during a session in which he inadvertently actually helps the patient. If it wasn’t already evident, Ingrid is off her meds, which her ex-husband Randy keeps warning is going to mean trouble. And it does as Ingrid starts having a breakdown, leading Frank to step out for a break and Randy to give her some meds. Randy is pleasantly surprised when Frank returns; they chat over drinks and Frank convinces Randy to go live his life. Wait, is it too late for Frank to become a therapist?

4. Debbie

And the award for Sister of the Year goes to… Debbie Gallagher. After finding Fiona in her fragile state, Debbie decides to take it on herself to get revenge for her big sister, recruiting Farhad and Alex to help completely humiliate Ford. And when it comes to kidnapping a guy, putting him and his bare ass on display, and branding him as an “a–hole,” I’m not sure it gets more humiliating than that.

5. Ian

The Gallaghers found it sweet that Ian left behind an alarm that was set to go off at 2 a.m. with his picture on it. I found it very inconsiderate and worthy of tacking another few months onto his sentence.

6. Lip

Look who has a new woman in his life! A few weeks after Xan went back with her mother, Lip is reunited with Tammy, the drunk bridesmaid he awkwardly hooked up with at Brad’s wedding. Well, their last meeting didn’t go so well, but she suddenly wants to take him up on his offer of a date. And their kind of date is apparently a very brief meal at a taco truck and hours of rated sex in a very small car.

7. Kev and V

It took some convincing — and pretending to be dead so someone couldn’t pick up their old baby stuff — but Kevin gets V to agree to have another child. And, thankfully, no threesome with V’s mom will be required this time around since they decide on adoption.

8. Carl

How quickly Carl has forgotten about his possibly dead wife Kassidi. But, credit where credit is due, Kelly is a good influence on Carl. I mean, who would have guessed that this kid would spend his summer studying in hopes of getting into Westpoint?! And a lot of studying at that considering he thinks former President Grover Cleveland is from Sesame Street.

9. Liam

School is out and Liam has already found himself a well-paying summer job. Between this and helping Fiona with her investments, the boy has proven to be a smart businessman. He may be the Gallagher family’s best — and last — hope for financial success.

What did you end think of the episode? Did you miss Ian? Let us know in the comments below.