Saturday Night Live recap: Super Bowl champ Travis Kelce trades the field for Studio 8H

It's March 4, 2023. Over at Netflix, the streaming wars have reached a new peak, with Dana Carvey, David Spade, Leslie Jones, and more Saturday Night Live alumni coming together on a Saturday night to toast Chris Rock's (and Netflix's) first-ever live comedy special. It is, as they say, an event, designed to challenge traditional TV's monopoly over live events.

Network TV is the last bastion for a certain kind of broadcasting, right? Live events, specifically — which means comedy and sports. (And award shows and politics — a handful of other examples.) That brings us to tonight's SNL host: one of the greatest tight ends of all time, Travis Kelce. Kelce has played over the last decade for the Kansas City Chiefs, one of the NFL's top dynasties. His brother, Jason — who he faced off against in last month's Super Bowl (Travis's team took home the trophy) — plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. Does that equate to laughs? Maybe not, but network programmers know enough about the Venn diagram overlap that athlete-hosts resonate with audiences. So we'll see. (For what it is worth, Kelce once starred on the E! reality dating show Catching Kelce. So he's no stranger to the game.)

I am joined tonight by former SNL cast member Patrick Weathers. He notes about Kelce: "This guy's like Peyton Manning — he's obviously talented." Tonight's musical guest is Kelsea Ballerini. Let's jump in — it's SNL in Review time.

"Cold Open"

Ah, the tried and true Fox & Friends template. Heidi Gardner returns as Ainsley Earhardt, Mikey Day as Steve Doocy, and Bowen Yang playing Brian Kilmeade. This gets a yawn from me.

They discuss Rupert Murdoch, the channel's overlord, speaking under oath in a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit against Fox by Dominion Voting. Texts from Fox hosts Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson are also discussed. Pillow mogul Mike Lindell (James Austin Johnson) is their guest — despite the hosts' warnings, he can't help but trash Dominion Voting.

We do get a brief O.J. Simpson appearance courtesy of Kenan Thompson. Pretty terrible otherwise — and very flat "Live from New York." Don't watch this.

"Opening Monologue"

Travis Kelce comes on stage to a few boos, boasting about winning his second Super Bowl. He acknowledges his nerves and shows a clip of him during a Chiefs game admonishing his teammates to do "more." He discusses his family as well — his parents and brother are there. They cut to Jason a few times in the crowd, he does not look pleased.

Catching Kelce is brought up — the show failed. He's self-deprecating, which gets a smile and laugh from Jason.

"Ferrell, Sandman, Chris Farley" are namedropped — Kelce used to watch SNL with his mom when he was growing up.

Patrick Weathers likes this monologue — I think he's right! "The suit was stupid, he was good. His brother was the best," he says.

"American Girl Café"

Shane (Mikey Day) welcomes an odd customer (Kelce) at the cafe. He's sitting with two dolls — Claire and Isabel. Shane is rightly off-put by the man, who seems harmless. They request he keep both his hands on the tables at all times — "vestige of the COVID era," claims the manager (Gardner).

The security guard Darius (Devon Walker) gives Sarah Sherman a truth bomb. "Poor ending," remarks Weathers.

"Please Don't Destroy — Self-Defense"

Curt Lightning (Kelce) leads a class on confidence for beta males like our PDD heroes. They are being bullied by interns at 8H. "I feel small," admits John.

Lightning instructs him to hit him — then strikes first. More punches ensue, then a vicious game of Russian roulette with an old woman. Solid spirit here. I like it. "Who says violence doesn't play?" asks Weathers, evoking John Belushi's Samurai character.

"Funeral"

Glenda (Ego Nwodim) has passed away and her nurse/lover (Kelce) has positioned her corpse for display at the service. She is set up with menthols and soda. "Snore," says Weathers.

"Straight Male Friend"

Bowen Yang is friends with a lot of draining straight white women. They are full of drama and emotion. It's exhausting.

He needs a low-effort, no-stakes relationship, which he finds with a straight man (Kelce). This is hilarious. Kelce is straightforward and simple. Pretty fantastic stuff — I say watch this one!

"Abby the Ex-Girlfriend"

Abby (Heidi Gardner) is out with two friends (Sherman, Nwodim) — they just saw Cocaine Bear and are getting drinks at a bar to discuss. They note Abby's ex (Kelce) is also there, and they talk.

His fiancé (Chloe Fineman) returns from the bathroom, and Abby begins violently crying. The tears are flooding down her face, via a contraption the crew has installed on Gardner's face. And each new reveal from the couple (moving, pregnancy) triggers her further. "One gag," says Weathers, while saying Kelce is funny.

In a curious turn, Kelce's brother appears as Abby's new boyfriend. Turning the tides, or undercutting the sketch's dark premise?

Kelsea Ballerini — "Blindsided"

This raw, angry yet polished song is seemingly about Ballerini's failed marriage to fellow country music singer-songwriter, Morgan Evans. And it feels like a rebuttal to Evans' song, "Over For You."

"Weekend Update"

Jokes about Dilbert's cancellation and George Santos! Colin Jost does an amusingly awkward TikTok dance.

But back to Dilbert: Michael Longfellow comes out dressed as the famous '90s comic book character. He is reevaluating who his creator Scott Adams actually was. This falls flat. Longfellow is a little wry or dryly ironic in this format I think.

Punkie Johnson and Mikey Day come on to discuss this year's Oscar nominees. Day shares that Johnson has a stunning lack of knowledge about pop culture. Even famous people she personally knows. "Who is Rick Bernstein?" they ask. (Bruce Springsteen.) Day dubbs the segment: "Who does Punkie mean?" This is cute — but feels likely could've been kept as a backstage joke.

Oh, fun! They brought back Sarah News — it's her birthday edition, complete with a cake. She's turning 30 this week. Familiar cracks about Colin Jost. (And a good joke about Columbo.) Is this getting stale?

R.I.P. John Head, the first talent scout for the show.

"Family Meeting"

Parents (Johnson, Nwodim) have news they need to break to their children — they can only do it in song, however. Turns out he's a cuckold. "I watch from the corner," he crows.

Kelce is the new man, Sucre Wolodorsky. They are in a throuple. The kids are rightly concerned and outraged — well, Fineman is just worried the grandkids' money has been spent.

This almost worked!

"Garrett From Hinge"

Gardner and Kelce are back together — it would be fun if these were the same characters from the previous sketch. She is hooking up with Kelce and confides she blew off a date to meet him.

Garrett (Yang) breaks into her house, upset she bailed. "You made me feel like an absolute suckah," he says. He offers to join them as a throuple — another callback to a previous sketch. Clearly he's a psychopath; he left work early to change into a goofy Family Guy shirt.

"Garrett, I know this is hard, but you can not kill them!" he says in the bathroom.

Kelsea Ballerini — "Penthouse"

Another powerful ballad about the dissolution of her marriage, and the divvying up of their belongings.

Both these songs dropped on Valentine's Day as part of the surprise release of her new EP Rolling Up the Welcome Mat, also a lyric in this song.

"Too Hot to Handle"

It's the fifth season of this low Netflix reality show. This is a silly showcase for Chloe Fineman. If you're stanning her, check this out. Otherwise, it does not work.

More on this gross premise: Hosted by a virtual assistant named Lana, the show revolves around 10 emotionally stunted adults who are placed together in a house and forbidden from any kissing, sexual contact, or self-gratification, with the prize getting reduced any time a rule is broken.

Final Thoughts

• What did you think? Was Kelce better than the above replacement athlete host? What's his WAR? Vote here or chime in below!

• Thank you to Patrick Weathers for your thoughts on tonight's sketches.

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