‘Saturday Night Live’ Cold Open Mocks Donald Trump’s ‘Major Announcement’ Of $99 Digital Trading Cards

Ted Johnson
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James Austin Johnson returned as Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live as the show chose the most mocked topic of the week for its cold open: The former president’s real-life hawking of $99 digital trading cards.

SNL didn’t have to stray too far from the truth for its satire, not just of Trump grifting for money, but of the entire world of NFTs, in which people have been paying top dollar for items that exist only in the virtual world.

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“You can also get them for free by just going online and looking at them maybe, I don’t know,” Johnson as Trump said in the sketch. “Maybe a screenshot but we’d really prefer it if you sent the $99.”

Trump offered digital cards featuring himself “as a cowboy. Or me melting Biden’s ice cream with my big laser eyes.” Then he denied that the trading cards are just a new variation on Pokemon, before introducing other images, like himself crossing the Delaware, in the movie Matrix, playing Jack and Rose in Titanic, and as Jessica Rabbit.

Also making an appearance in the sketch was Mikey Day as Donald Trump Jr. and Cecily Strong, in her final cold open as an SNL regular, playing girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle.

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The implication was that the entire Trump family is in on the grift.

“These cards are fantastic,” Day as Trump Jr. said. “And a steal. And I know what you are thinking: $99. You can get two grams for that!”

Trump Jr. then hawks a Christmas CD from Guilfoyle.

“I guarantee that you will SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE!” Strong as Guilfoyle shouted, a takeoff on her appearance at the 2020 Republican National Convention.

RELATED: ‘SNL’s Chloe Fineman Plays A Christmas Pondering Jennifer Coolidge In Jolly Skit

Trump really did tape a video to accompany his major announcement, offering not just the trading cards but informing viewers that buyers also would be entered into a raffle to win prizes, like dinner with him. In the sketch, Trump said that card buyers can with “an exclusive mystery prize, where you get to pick anything out of this nice box.” The box, of course, is marked classified.

RELATED: ‘SNL’: Austin Butler Addresses “Elvis-y” Voice & Chokes Up Dedicating Hosting Gig To Late Mother

The sketch wrapped up with Trump doing a stream-of-consciousness rundown of his Christmas list, starting with him taking credit for people “saying Merry Christmas again.”

“I brought that back because Christmas is very important to Christians and to Jewish I think also…You are hearing Merry Christmas a lot more lately, just like in A Christmas Carol. I was visited …by three ghosts last night, including, actually it was four if you include Epstein.” That reference to Jeffrey Epstein drew some ooohs from the audience.

“We love Santa, don’t we folks? We love Santa. But not Ron DeSanta. We don’t like DeSanta so much.” By the end, his reference to Avatar led to a final, Feliz Navidad.

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