Sarah Herron Marks One Month Since Son Oliver's Death: 'I Feel His Spirit All Around Us'

Sarah Herron/Instagram Sarah Herron holding son Oliver, Oliver's handprint

Sarah Herron is reflecting on the death of her son one month after his passing.

In an Instagram post Tuesday, The Bachelor alum, 37, opened up about what the past month of grieving has been like for her after the death of son Oliver Brown, who was born in her 24th week of pregnancy.

"It's been a month since Oliver was born. ❤️ This is him, this is his sweet little face. Perfect and covered in bright blonde peach fuzz. All 2lbs of him," she wrote, referencing the photo carousel showing different scenes from welcoming and mourning the baby boy.

Speaking of getting through the difficult time, Herron wrote, "it's required a certain type of Wintering that only a grieving mother knows. But somehow, we're here."

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"What I hate, is that as more time separates us from the night we met Oliver, sometimes I can't distinguish if the last month has been a nightmare or if my pregnancy was all a dream," she wrote. "And as each new day brings increments of space and healing… I am gutted that we are moving back in a direction of life that physically looks like the one we lived before Oliver. My body is healing, yet I remain in maternity jeans—a paradox of relief and grief at the same time."

Looking ahead to spring, Herron admitted, "I am not ready."

"The minutes of daylight gained each night is an insulting reminder that life carries on, despite my grief still being held in January. I don't want the snow to melt or the trees to bud. I want to Winter with Oliver forever," she said.

Dylan Brown/Instagram

"What I love is that joy ~has~ come back sooner than I gave it credit for," Herron admitted. "I didn't believe people when they told me it would. And we've been laughing—a lot actually. We've started cooking again, and going for walks. And Rio, sweet Rio… he has been my lifeline. He is my witness."

Herron explained that she has been "focused exclusively on healing."

"I still don't really see or talk to people. The okay days are starting to outnumber intolerable days, and good days are even starting to find their way in," she noted.

After picking up her son's ashes earlier this month, she noted they remain "in a white gift bag until his urn arrives."

"I have to find humor in even this because, honestly, it is kind of funny 😊. I feel his spirit all around us, people all around the WORLD feel his spirit. And though his body isn't here, I know this isn't the end of Oliver Brown," Herron wrote.

"Happy one month heavenly birthday, baby boy. We love you and miss you forever. ❤️"