Roast of Alec Baldwin: The night's best burns (daughter Ireland Baldwin's included)
LOS ANGELES – If you call your daughter a “thoughtless little pig” on a voicemail, people don’t forget about it.
That much was clear Saturday night at taping of the Comedy Central Roast of Alec Baldwin (airing Sept. 15 at 10 p.m. ET/PT), when Baldwin was the butt of jokes made by roast master Sean Hayes and roasters including Robert De Niro, Caitlyn Jenner and Blake Griffin.
Video: Alec Baldwin Worried He’d Die Going 130 Miles per Hour
The infamous message that the actor left to his now-23-year-old daughter Ireland was one of several themes of the evening of Baldwin-bashing. Other common refrains: Baldwin’s parking spot flap, his unceremonious American Airlines exit, his second marriage to the much-younger Hilaria and his strained relationship with his brothers.
But the Emmy-winning man of the hour — who, along with Comedy Central, contributed a combined $1 million to nonprofit Exploring the Arts in honor of the roast — took most the jokes in stride. Throughout the event, Baldwin laughed both earnestly and sarcastically, frowned dramatically, made a look of shock and not-so-subtly used his middle finger to scratch his face.
The latter gesture was made after Ireland, herself, became an impromptu roaster. Not to worry: The move was followed by a bear hug.
What else got a reaction out of Baldwin? Here are some of the night's best (repeatable) burns:
Hayes said, referencing "30 Rock": “I promise this will be the funniest thing you’ve been a part of that Tina Fey didn’t carry you through.”
Comedian Nikki Glaser quipped, “It’s an honor roasting Justin Bieber’s wife’s oldest, fattest uncle.”
Jenner joked about her own gender transition when she told Baldwin, “Back when I was Bruce, we were brothers. That’s another brother you’ll never talk to again.”
“You look like if Jimmy Fallon drowned three days ago,” said Griffin.
De Niro joked about Baldwin, “I once saw him take a selfie and punch his own face.”
“It’s not easy to be the daughter of an iconic movie star," said Ireland from the mic. "But I’m not here to talk about my mom and her Oscar.”
Roast regular Jeff Ross congratulated Baldwin on his Trump impression, but then insisted that Trump is actually doing a Baldwin impression, because Trump "calls people names, married an immigrant half his age. The difference: Trump calls his daughter a fox; not a pig.”
Hayes showed his gratitude for the opportunity to host the evening with this line: “Thank you for having me ... is something your kids will never say."
When it was finally time for Baldwin to get out of the hot seat, he ended on a high note.
He went into a rendition of "My Way" with assistance by — surprise — the song's writer Paul Anka.
"I didn't (find success) by starring in hit after hit, or by keeping cool. I did it my way," he said.
In closing, Baldwin announced, “I love all of you. If you don’t believe me, check your voicemails.”
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Alec Baldwin's Comedy Central Roast: All the night's best jokes
