“RHONJ”'s Rachel Fuda Opens Up About Adopting Husband John's Son Jaiden: 'Gave Me So Much Meaning' (Exclusive)

John was a single dad when he met Rachel, tying the knot in 2017, and finalizing the adoption of son Jaiden in 2022

John and Rachel Fuda are sharing how adoption helped cement their family's bonds.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey couple's Nov. 18 is made extra sweet each year as they celebrate National Adoption Day, which also happens to be the day that Rachel's adoption of her husband John's son, Jaiden, was finalized in 2022.

Sharing their family's story with PEOPLE, the reality star, 32, says she and John, 35, were "really still kids ourselves" when they started dating in their early 20s. As things got serious between them, Rachel came to terms with the idea of becoming an "overnight mom" to Jaiden, who was just 3 at the time.

"I didn't really feel like I was in a position to handle that, but once I met Jaiden, that all really changed for me," Rachel tells PEOPLE. "I felt my maternal instincts and it was very natural. I always say that I fell in love with Jaiden before I fell in love with John."

As their relationship blossomed, Rachel found herself even more comfortable being a parent to Jaiden, who has had a strained relationship with his birth mother throughout his life.

"Being a bonus mom would up being something amazing for me," Rachel says. "Jaiden gave me so much meaning to my life and taught me so much about myself at such a young age that it really had such a big part in shaping me to be the woman and the mother that I am today."

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Rachel and John tied the knot in 2017 and have since welcomed daughters Giuliana, 20 months, and Giannella, 3. After getting married, the two were surprised to learn that Jaiden thought Rachel had already adopted him.

"I specifically remember the first time Jaiden asked me or thought that he was adopted was right after we got married. He did something in school and said, 'I'm adopted.' And I had to explain to him, since he was so young at the time, that he wasn't technically adopted, but that it didn't change anything about our family," she recalls.

"That conversation came up so many times over the years. He would ask if I could adopt him, so when it would come up John and I would discuss it. We met with a couple of different attorneys over the years."

The legal advice they initially got wasn't what they wanted to hear. Legal advisors told the couple it would be a costly and difficult journey since it was already challenging for John to get sole custody as a single father.

"They felt we didn't need to ruffle feathers where they didn't need to be," Rachel says.

"Because [Jaiden's birth mother] wasn't involved in his life and we'd already learned to live like that, there was a fear of trying to push it and opening a can of worms," John adds. "We didn't want things to go the wrong way and so we thought to wait until Jaiden was older and could make more decisions on his own."

For John, it also weighed on his heart knowing that the adoption was something Jaiden was expressing he wanted.

"It wasn't easy. You have your son trying to the void of not really having a mom around. When Rachel came into his life at around 7 or 8, the kid was in his glory," he says. "He had my mother and my grandmother at the time, but he was still seeking out that motherly figure. Rachel, all the props in the world to her, she stepped into it and she loved it. She really gave him so much of the structure he needed."

The couple continued to foster the "environment that was so important to his development," focused on giving Jaiden all the love and support he was looking for.

"It's always been about him and what's in the best interest of his future and well-being," Rachel says. "That was always at the core of every decision we have made."

As the family grew with the addition of their two girls, Rachel and John have developed "a whole new perspective" on what family has meant to them and to Jaiden.

"I missed out on the first seven or eight years of his life. I couldn't imagine walking away from a baby and like, even Jaiden now. It just made me so emotional because he is such an amazing kid and he's such an amazing person. He has a great heart. He has a great head on his shoulders," Rachel says.

"When it came to the adoption, it was a very emotional but very exciting moment for us. This was something that we had been talking about for years at this point, not something we woke up and decided was a good idea. This was a heavy topic for our family and no small decision to make."

Ultimately, John's estate planning was the final push to put the adoption process, which was "surprisingly easy," into motion.

"I realized I could die at any point, like anyone else," John says. "Anything could happen, so I really needed to get a lot of things in order. Rachel really needed to have custody because if something happens to me, she needs to be able to make decisions."

With that decision came conversations with Jaiden, which the couple went into openly and honestly.

"John and I had different upbringings. His family didn't talk about a whole lot and my family talks too much — especially having a Jewish mother, it was always about therapy and checking in and open conversation. That, 'You can come to me and tell me anything' relationship, I wanted that with Jaiden," she says.

"So whether it's about the adoption or sex or alcohol or drugs or biology, girls, whatever, I want him to feel comfortable coming to me at any point in time. So this was no different for us. This was an open dialogue where we wanted him to know that we were doing this because it was something he wanted, not something we were forcing."

The adoption went through on Nov. 18, 2022, with the family of five celebrating with a trip to Disney.

"Being in Disney is just magical to begin with. If we could move there, I think we would because we just love being there," Rachel laughs. "Spending quality time together putting everything in perspective. Nothing else in life matters, really."

"John and I prioritize our marriage, of course, but our kids are our lives. This is what matters to us. So being able to celebrate together as a family at Disney was such a full-circle moment. Having gone through infertility for so many years, going through IVF [in vitro fertilization], going through the adoption, there were so many bumps in the road, but we finally got our happy ending, and it was the perfect way to celebrate."

"We actually went to Disney not once, but twice. We went back a month later," John laughs. "We enjoyed hanging out with each other and we realized that as a family, we really needed that. Jaiden was so happy and had so much fun, even with the age difference with the girls."

Jaiden, now 16, is a devoted big brother despite not having a lot in common with a pair of toddlers.

"It's so sweet because he's like 6'1' and he's got this deep voice and the Gigi or Giuliana will go knock on his bedroom door and he just picks them up and hugs them and plays with them," Rachel says. "He has this soft spot for the girls that is so sweet to see."

The couple is hopeful that the tight bonds will only grow deeper as the girls get older.

"There's this huge age gap and it's weird sometimes, as a parent, to be parenting these little children one minute and the next, you've got this teenager who wants to go out and you want to make sure he's not getting in trouble. So you live these two different extremes, but we also get to see Jaiden come home and be with the girls and become more of a child himself."

While it's brought them a lot of joy to share their family's story, the couple also saw the tough side of life in the spotlight when they were faced with criticism about the timing of the adoption related to their time on the show.

"I think we learned very quickly that being vulnerable comes with positives and negatives," Rachel shares. "Putting yourself out there and telling your story, people will judge but as long as our intentions are pure and we know the truth, that's all that really matters."

The RHONJ personality adds, "Reality TV exists because people have a difference of opinion. I think without that, we don't have shows like this. That's what makes things interesting but we've also learned not to read into it or pay attention to it."

"We have three healthy, happy children and a healthy and happy marriage and that's our reality. We're good here."

Thankfully, being on TV has been an overwhelmingly positive experience for the teen.

"Of course, we didn't just put our kid on TV," the couple shares. "There were private conversations with him, the conversations people don't hear or see take place. He's a very mature kid, but we didn't want him to feel in any way uncomfortable. If he didn't want to participate, absolutely zero pressure, but he loves it."

"He walks down the boardwalk and girls come up to him and they all know his name," Rachel laughs.

"And with the adoption and sharing our story, he was very open," John notes, saying he only bristled when commenters attacked the couple.

"There was never a question because it's authentic," Rachel says. "It wasn't a question of, 'Should we share this?' It's like, 'Well, this is what's going on.'"

As they head into their second holiday season since the adoption, the family of five is looking forward to continuing to make special memories together.

"We have instilled in Jaiden and the babies that family is always number one," Rachel says. "It is the most important thing. We always try to spend time together but it's what the holidays are about specifically."

John adds, "I didn't need a piece of paper that says adoption to say Racehl is Jaiden's mother. I just needed it to protect Jaiden's future and the future of the estate."

The two agree, "We have always been a family."

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