The return from beneath the planet of the Monster Makeover | MARK HUGHES COBB

Slasher jump-scare films don't do it for me.

Quick-cut stab-'em-ups are like the Jan. 2 kids at the gym, tags still dangling from one size doesn't fit you Under Armour, grunting and dropping plates like they ain't got no brains, which, given evidence, OK.

Hey folks: The restaurant downstairs, and its ceiling, would appreciate you working with things you can actually lift AND set down. Lotta noise, occasional adrenaline rush, mostly annoyance.

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But then I have to reverse over my own glottis exalting exsanguination trilogy "The Evil Dead," "Evil Dead 2," and "Army of Darkness" (as chainsaw-armed Ash travels through time to rescue King Arthur and minions from a swarming of skeletal flesh-craving Deadites, best recalled by its working title, "Medieval Dead.")

Sam Raimi's trilogy leans more the Three Stooges than Eli Roth, of course. Despite copious dismemberments, buckets o' blood, and memorably soaring eyeballs, whether in the low-budget original or Mr. Fancy Pants dressed-up sequels, Raimi's abattoir resembles the rubbery pre-raisins, warmish brain goop and rabid worms — Didn't y'all have those? From the cans? — at your 'hood's Halloween party, one of the last times you're left alone with the opposite sex and encouraged to grope in the dark.

Haunted and haunting movies stick with — if not in — me: Alejandro Amenábar's 2001 "The Others" (He also directed and co-wrote the 1997 "Abres Los Ojos"/"Open Your Eyes," a mind-bending thriller remade in 2001 for English-speaking audiences as tragically vanilla "Vanilla Sky") is one spooky example, as is 2014's "The Babadook," written and directed by Australian writer-director-actor Jennifer Kent, whose 2018 "The Nightingale" I've yet to see, though it sounds a bit like a Tasmanian "True Grit," which would of course be beyond awesome.

Slightly more shock-related but equally creepy — and creeping — horror such as the original and third "Exorcist" movies rock, as does Stanley Kubrick's languid, chill-raising "The Shining," and sorry, no Stephen King, not that cardboard 1997 mini-series. Milquetoast, and sloppy. Chicanerous, and deplorable.

No one devotes tens of thousands of words to exploring Native American symbolism (Bill Blakemore's 1997 San Francisco Chronicle piece, headed "The Family of Man") or every other seemingly insignificant bit of set dressing (Rob Ager's 21-chapter "Mazes, Mirrors, Deceptions and Denial") behind the TV version.

Rare indeed are documentary films painstakingly tracking nine odd analyses, such as Rodney Ascher's 2012 "Room 237," for which Blakemore was interviewed.

"The Simpsons," Pixar, Vince "Breaking Bad"/Better Call Saul" Gilligan and heavy-metal bands do not parody Steven Weber, poor guy, cracking as Jack, and whatever poor sucker directed those miles of TV footage. Ah, thanks imbd.com, Mick Garris. That explains a salem's lot.

Tobe Hooper's 1979 "Salem's Lot," also based on early King, released in two parts for TV, that works, starring makeup effects, criminally-underused Bonnie Bedelia, and oozier-than-Maine-maple-syrup James Mason.

Hooper also directed 1982 goop 'n' ghoul masterpiece "Poltergeist." Though producer Steven Spielberg was rumored to have taken over, Hooper, who broke through in 1974 with a surprisingly subtle "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," more likely benefitted from the gloss of Spielberg's editing and effects crews. That and the seemingly idyllic suburban setting spurred innuendo. The TV and clown go out, the tree goes innuendo.

Cooking up a spooky song list is rougher than creating a list of scary flicks, but pals and I have taken a stab several times now, first as the Big Bad, then the Resident Evils, haunted-house band for the Monster Makeover.

Did I mention the Monster Makeover is ba-aaaack? 'Cause we are, at the Harrison Galleries, through Oct. 20, when we'll have a 5 p.m. closing reception, featuring silent auction of both kids' and adult's artworks, event T-shirts for sale, live music and more.

After a pandemic-required break, our somewhat scattered, at least physically, team included Sandy Wolfe of the Arts Council, Jim Harrison III of Harrison Galleries, woman-about-many-towns Soapy Jones, and former Tuscaloosa News staffers still attached to the concept: Tony Brock, Tony Bratina, Shweta Vora Gamble, Ed Enoch and former Tuscaloosa Public Library staffer and artist Ashley Bond, who's now Ashley Bond Enoch, so you can't say this melding of minds and talents hasn't produced at least one happy ending.

For those who missed the original and are catching up for this sequel: We started in 2010 with a fistful (Andre the Giant fist, so about 13) of kids from the Capitol School. Stoked in The Tuscaloosa News building, back when we had staff for brainstorms strong enough to burn villages, we envisioned a one-time thing. We'd ask the kids to draw monsters, and talk to them as and after they drew, garnering vivid descriptions of the unfolding horrors.

Speaking of scariest things .... Wow. Therapists, start your engines.

Adult professional artists re-interpreted, across many styles and media. Results hung side-by-side at the Children's Hands-on Museum, then we closed with a shindig that convinced all those involved the show must go on.

It's alive!

We've flipped between public and private schools in the county, drawing on a regional group of pro artists utilizing paint, fabric, ceramics, photography, woodworking and more. Almost incidentally, it became a solid fundraiser, through auction, T-shirt and book sales, feeding the Arts in Education Grant portion of the Community Foundation of West Alabama.

Restarting, we kept it simple: No books, which take heavy advance work, and cash advances, though we're planning to bring 'em back for 2024. We returned to the Capitol School, which felt full-circle cool for a return.

Welcome to our nightmare, in this season of the witch. It's kinda spooky, the monster mash-up, between Cruella de Vil and other black magic women, joined by big bad and little red. But we think you're gonna like it. Again, and sequeled again. Return to beyond the valley of the shadow of the planet of tiny art apes.

Reach Tusk Editor Mark Hughes Cobb at mark.cobb@tuscaloosanews.com.

This article originally appeared on The Tuscaloosa News: Monster Makeover art show rides again | MARK HUGHES COBB