Relationships are cringe. Dating apps are even worse. Why burned-out Gen Z is swiping left

Generation Z has grown up in the age of Zoom classes, TikTok and situationships — romantic or sexual involvement without clear commitment — instead of relationships.

With so much of their interaction with other people taking place via devices, it's not surprising that many members of Gen Z feel their online relationships are superficial.

Dating apps, in particular, are not delivering the authentic connection and companionship they desire. About 79% of U.S. dating app users ages 18 to 29 have used Tinder, 51% have used Bumble and 39% have used Hinge, according to a survey conducted in July 2022 by Pew Research Center.

But Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and other apps are leaving many young adults feeling drained. Gen Z is feeling dating app burnout.

'Something better is always just a swipe away'

Liesel Sharabi, an associate professor at the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication at Arizona State University, is studying this trend.

Sharabi said burnout happens when users spend a significant amount of time on apps but don't get the results they're seeking. She thinks dating apps have contributed to the rise of situationships.

“It makes you feel as if partners are abundant, options are plentiful,” Sharabi said. “And if this person is not perfect, I can just wait for the next person to come along and I know somebody will come along because it's so easy to meet people.

"And I think some people have this attitude where they kind of feel like something better is always just a swipe away.”

Sharabi has observed another phenomenon as well.

“I also think with Gen Z, you're seeing people that are just more comfortable with singlehood overall to where they feel happy, being in a relationship or not,” Sharabi said. “I think that they're more willing to embrace their independence and the single lifestyle so I think there might be a bit of a change in attitude there as well towards relationships.”

'Lots of contact but not lots of intimacy'

Vincent Waldron, a professor of communication studies and Lincoln Professor of Applied Ethics at ASU, teaches and researches relationships among families, friends and coworkers.

He calls Gen Z an anxious generation as a result of all the scary things that have happened during their lifetimes, from school shootings to the COVID-19 pandemic. To them, the world can feel unsettled. Waldron thinks Gen Z'ers are taking their time developing romantic relationships and leaning toward friendships instead.

Waldron has noticed among his students that face-to-face interaction is something they’re still practicing a lot.

“Their whole life is mediated," Waldron said. "They have lots and lots and lots of contact, but not lots of intimacy.

“So, you're highly connected to a lot of people, and it can be kind of exhausting to stay up with all that. But most of those contacts are not yielding meaningful conversations or connections. So, I think they are burned out on digital relationships and sometimes longing for what feels like a more holistic connection.”

'I never actually meet up with anybody'

Kiara Rodriguez, a 20-year-old sophomore studying tourism development and management at ASU, does not use dating apps. She doesn’t like the idea of being in a relationship.

“I don't know, I find relationships a little bit cringe,” Rodriguez said. “I know not a lot of people think like me, but even the thought of just meeting someone and showing romantic interest, I hate, I can't do that.”

Everything she’s heard from her friends reaffirms that she does not want to put herself in those situations.

“I hear more, I guess, like, horror stories,” Rodriguez said. “So, like the guy was really weird or creepy, or didn't pick up on social cues, things of that nature. I feel like maybe meeting somebody organically might be better.”

Abigail Gava, a 19-year-old freshman medical studies student at ASU, has used Tinder and Hinge. She deleted the apps because they weren't leading anywhere.

“I never actually meet up with anybody,” Gava said. “It's more like a confidence boost. And I don't like the messages that I received on them.”

She said she likes the tension and build-up in a relationship, and she misses that with dating apps. Since you already know that the people you’re matching online with are interested in you, there’s less excitement.

Edison Bleau, a 20-year-old sophomore studying sports science and programming at ASU, has used Tinder and Hinge.

Tinder feels less personal to Bleau, and more about instant gratification. He said Hinge is one of the better dating apps he’s seen because you can showcase your personality a bit more and it focuses less on your physical appearance.

Bleau is looking for something long-term and said he's not finding that on any of the apps.

'He actually asked me if I wanted to go on a date'

Hookup culture was prevalent on college campuses even before dating apps. But the apps can amplify that experience. With so many potential partners at your fingertips, it’s easier than ever to meet up with somebody casually.

Emma Potter, an 18-year-old freshman nonprofit leadership and management major at ASU, has used Tinder. She chose it because it was the one she had heard the most about. She said she did not enjoy using the app and has “officially deleted it forever.”

But she did meet her current boyfriend on Tinder. He started the conversation after she swiped right on him.

“And he actually asked me if I wanted to go on a date and I was like, ‘Are you are you being for real right now? Like nobody asks for a date on Tinder anymore,’” Potter said.

“He was like, ‘Yeah I’m being for real’ and so we just kind of started getting to know each other. We talked over Snapchat, and then one night we officially met, and we just talked for like eight hours straight.”

Alex Sanchez, a 20-year-old sophomore sports broadcast journalism student at ASU, has used Tinder and Bumble. He is not a fan of any dating apps, and Tinder is his least favorite.

“I feel like people are on there for the wrong reasons,” Sanchez said. “But then again, you can't really blame them because that's just the culture of the app and the same goes for Bumble. It’s just a lot of hookup culture, which I'm just not really a big fan of.

"If you use it, respect, I don't judge at all. It's just not for me. I’d rather just meet someone in person.”

'They're kind of saying, I've had enough'

Online dating is prevalent, but don't put all your eggs in that one basket, Sharabi said. Be open to meeting people in real life.

“Just because you're on the dating apps doesn't mean that you can't also be looking for partners in other ways,” Sharabi said. “We know that people tend to meet partners who are in our same geographic proximity, so pay attention to people when you're out and about going about your routine, when you're at the gym, when you're at the dog park, when you're out doing things.”

She also recommends meeting people through your in-person social networks. Ask your friends to introduce you to their friends. There's a good chance you'll meet someone with similar interests.

Rodriguez hopes to meet people through day-to-day activities such as school and clubs. It's important to her to start as friends before considering a romantic relationship.

Gava is also trying to meet more people in real life, but she’s not actively looking for a romantic relationship.

Potter prefers to make connections organically, by talking to new people, hanging out with friends of friends or meeting others at sporting events.

Sanchez has been trying to have more natural interactions at places like restaurants or just out and about. He is trying to work on going up to people who catch his eye.

However they feel about their experiences with dating apps, members of Gen Z are looking for authentic ways to connect.

“There is this general sentiment where some people are feeling frustrated with the experience and they're kind of saying I've had enough," Sharabi said.

"And whether that means they're turning to other ways of meeting people, like meeting people the old-fashioned way face-to-face, or if it means they're taking a break from dating entirely, I think that there is some of this backlash right now towards dating apps where people are just feeling really frustrated."

Reach the reporter at dina.kaur@arizonarepublic.com. Follow @dina_kaur on X, formerly known as Twitter.

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This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: Gen Z is rejecting dating apps to meet romantic partners organically