Regina Hall, Amy Schumer, and Wanda Sykes Spiced Up the Oscars Opening

The opening monologue at the Oscars is a dangerous game to participate in; it almost always runs too long, misses the point, or, worst of all, kicks the night off with a terrible tone. Cut to 2022, though, where Amy Schumer, Regina Hall, and Wanda Sykes took the stage as a trio to magnificent results. Actually, let's back up. DJ Khaled took the stage to introduce the three comedians and, for the first time in a situation involving Khaled, the moment went in favor to the ladies.

The three delighted in a short, punchy monologue, taking turns taking shots at the celebrities in the room. Not missing the importance of three women hosting the evening, Schumer joked, "This year the Academy hired three women to host because it’s cheaper than hiring one man." From there, the three turned their attention to current events and the massive stars in front of them, joking about Lady Gaga and Jared Leto's bizarre accents in House of Gucci, as well as how poorly we've all aged during the pandemic. (For the record, cutting to J.K. Simmons while discussing Timothée Chalamet was not only rude to Simmons, but a compliment to Chalamet. You're beautiful, J.K!).

The 2022 Oscars are planning to be split into a bit of a "three act" structure, with Schumer leading the first third of the night. Taking the lead, as, what she called herself, a representative for "white women who call the cops when [Black people] get a little too loud," she skewered the hell out of the night's nominees. After making jokes about Jennifer Lawrence's weight gain, she went all in on Don't Look Up, commenting that the film's title was an ode to Academy voters who "don't look up" reviews. Then she commented, "Leonardo DiCaprio has done so much for climate change to leave a cleaner, greener world for his girlfriends."

And y'all, we aren't even getting into Regina Hall calling up the hottest men in the room to the front of the stage for a PCR test to be conducted with—wait for it—her tongue. Or patting down Jason Momoa and Josh Brolin, also for Covid protocol. The Oscars may have chosen three women for its hosts, but it also is asking for at least seven HR violations by night's end. God bless us all.

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