Reality TV Has Finally Discovered Messy Lesbian Drama
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Toto, we’re not in “Carol” anymore. Despite the major shift in LGBTQ representation over the last decade, reality television has been slow on the uptick. Sure, we have the twin crown jewels of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and “Queer Eye,” which both came to define the gold standard of reality competition and makeover shows, respectively. But when it comes to the reality dating show — that pinnacle of heteronormative culture that’s singlehandedly keeping antiquated beliefs about relationships alive — nobody knows what to do with the queers. That’s a real oversight, especially considering that pass-around party bottoms and U-hauling lesbians know a thing or two about high-stakes drama.
While recent LGBTQ reality shows like MTV’s “The Real Friends of WeHo” and Prime’s “Tampa Baes” attempted to start their own thing, launching a new franchise is hard work, and it often doesn’t have the fanbase to sustain interest. So far, the most successful queer reality dating show was the infamous pansexual season of MTV’s “Are You The One.” Premiering in 2019, the show watched as a bunch of horny pansexual twenty-somethings all hooked up in search of their “perfect match.” The results were juicy, to say the least.
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Queering an existing reality dating show structure, as silly and convoluted as they are, seems to yield better results than starting fresh. While Netflix has yet to launch a queer “Love Is Blind,” it did update its other marriage-obsessed dating show in “The Ultimatum: Queer Love.” The premise, which is admittedly both very stupid and not very well-executed, is that one member of an existing couple has delivered a marriage ultimatum. These couples then switch partners in order to have a “trial marriage” with someone else, in the hopes of gaining clarity about their pre-existing relationship. While most end up as disgruntled roommates, one intense love triangle emerges to carry the drama on its back.
As with most reality dating shows, the cringe factor starts with the premise, and doesn’t improve. To begin with, the fact that each of these “queer” couples is so intent on upholding the institution of marriage says plenty about their belief systems. In the age of ethical non-monogamy and unconventional family structures becoming the norm, it’s disorienting as a viewer to watch a bunch of so-called queer people wax poetic about lifetime commitment and child-rearing. While some of the characters may privately hold more progressive views, the structure of the show forces them to contort into conformist beliefs about monogamy and marriage.
Then there’s the fact that they’ve all agreed to date other people by being on the show, yet some feel totally justified in punishing their partners for hooking up with their “trial partner.” In the case of Lexi, an intense blonde who won’t let go of her girlfriend’s casual hook-up, her assimilation into straight culture is so complete that she sounds like a 1950s guidebook to living a heterosexual lifestyle. Her outright disgust with her partner Rae having a little fun, and her misogynist fixation on someone else being “inside” her sounds straight out of Joe Rogan’s mouth.
Meanwhile, the undisputed heartthrob of the series is a tall 36-year-old named Mal, who takes it in gentle stride when she learns her partner has developed feelings for someone else. As if she weren’t attractive enough already, she had to go and add emotional maturity to the mix by modeling how to work through jealousy with healthy communication and compassion. These diametric opposites feel like they come from two different planets, and it’s no wonder their trial marriage ends chastely. In the entire cast, Mal is the only one with any resemblance to a someone you might want to hang out with. But mature adults don’t necessarily make for the best reality TV drama.
Meanwhile, a whirlwind queer romance has added layers of intrigue to “Selling Sunset,” the “Real Housewives”-level hit of Netflix’s growing reality slate. In the lifestyle reality show masquerading as a real estate show, longtime cast member Chrishell Stause made waves when she began dating non-binary musician G Flip. The revelation came just as the show began fully embracing the romantic drama, after Chrishell began dating the boss Jason. While Chrishell is at the center of some of the season’s inter-office drama, her relationship with G Flip is on solid ground.
What might be most surprising about “Selling Sunset” is how unremarkable Chrishell’s coming out was. The relationship has been handled respectfully by the show and all the players. G Flip has never been misgendered, and Chrishell’s sexuality isn’t a point for debate or even shock. Reality TV has a terrible track record when it comes to bisexuality, or seemingly “straight” women coming out later in life. Chrishell’s relatively smooth coming out story is a massive shift from the bi-shaming of Kandi Burruss on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” or whatever the hell happened between Denise Richards and Brandi Glanville on “Beverly Hills.”
As consummate “Real Housewives” expert and cultural commentator Kareem Abdul-Jabar loves to point out, reality TV is a reflection of society. We may not have as many examples of queerness colliding with this hyper-real medium, but LGBTQ audiences deserve a chance to laugh at themselves in messed up fun house mirrors, too. Besides, we know how to bring the drama.
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