Ranking Dead: Ranking the Characters of ‘The Walking Dead’ Season 7, Episode 5

Will Lerner
·Producer, Yahoo Entertainment

Welcome back to Ranking Dead, where we give a power ranking of The Walking Dead characters after every episode and then tally up the points over the course of the season. This is how we’d rank the characters of Episode 5.

5) Jesus

Jesus showcased some sweet kicking skills this week.
Jesus showcased some sweet kicking skills this week. (AMC)

If all we had to look forward to in Hilltop episodes was Gregory, then we’d be in for a severe bummer. Fortunately, Jesus saves. The dude wall-kicked walkers into submission, and the way he jumped in the truck at the end is a nice tease of cool stuff to come.

4) Sasha

Sasha had compassion to spare.
Sasha had compassion to spare. (AMC)

Sasha finally got some time to shine in an episode this season and made good. She knew, much like the previously mentioned Jesus, that it’s wrong to send a pregnant woman out to fend for herself. Like, that should be obvious, guys. She also set a nice burial site for our dearly departed friends Glenn and Abraham. Good on ya, Sash.

3) Carl

Carl wheeled in some fun this episode.
Carl wheeled in some fun this episode. (AMC)

Carl, you Casanova, you! This was actually a fun episode for our favorite one-eyed teenager. He got a kiss from his lady friend Enid, found some sweet roller skates, and even got to surprise Jesus in the back of that truck. The kid’s been itching to make a big splash this season. I’d watch out, Saviors.

2) Simon

Simon loves to smile and menace just like his boss.
Simon loves to smile and menace just like his boss. (AMC)

We’ll reluctantly give Diet Negan, the man they call Simon, his due. There’s no denying that he has a version of his boss’s terrifying charisma and manages to even do that “I’m going to smile while I menace you” thing. Anyway, he proved that what Simon says, you do.

1) Maggie

Maggie is the new Rick. (AMC)
Maggie is the new Rick. (AMC)

In the limited amount of airtime she’s had this season, Maggie’s been awesome. She’s basically Rick now, while Rick is busy being more like Gregory. She helped saved Hilltop by taking charge, not to mention crushing that music-blasting car.

The worst of the week is Gregory. Let’s see, he tried to kick out Maggie and Sasha, then tried to hand Maggie and Sasha over to the Saviors, but not before implying that Sasha could sleep her way into staying. Then he wound up giving up his precious Scotch, all the time licking the heel of Simon. Dude, you’re awful.

And now, our overall power ranking for Season 7. Remember, the higher you rank, the more points you get, and it adds up.

  1. Negan (15 points)

  2. Carl (9 points)

  3. Daryl (7 points)

  4. Maggie (7 points)

  5. Ezekiel (5 points)

  6. Simon (5 points)

  7. Rosita (4 points)

  8. Carol (4 points)

  9. Morgan (3 points)

  10. Dwight (3 points)

  11. Michonne (3 points)

  12. Jim Bianco (2 points)

  13. Sasha (2 points)

  14. Jerry (2 points)

  15. Sherry (1 point)

  16. Shiva (1 point)

  17. Rick (1 point)

  18. Jesus (1 point)

The Walking Dead airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on AMC.

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