Quotes of the Week: The Traitors, Ghosts, Will Trent, Conners and More
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Need more proof that TV is finally in the post-strike swing of things? Look no further than our latest Quotes of the Week compilation, which is easily our most robust column in months. Months!
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In the list below, we’ve gathered more than two dozen of TV’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got bon mots and zingers from The Neighborhood, Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, Ghosts, Resident Alien and FEUD, plus a well-timed Mad Men reference from… Good Trouble, of all places!
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of Abbott Elementary, Will Trent, The Daily Show, The Rookie, The Traitors, The Good Doctor and — whew! — The Conners.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Vlada Gelman, Charlie Mason, Matt Webb Mitovich and Ryan Schwartz)
NCIS
“Give me the gun.”
“Why?”
“Because I have military firearms training.”
“With a musket!”
“Better than your ‘none.’”
Jimmy (Brian Dietzen) flashes back to a memorable Ducky (David McCallum) adventure
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY
“Where did you even get a cigarette?”
“Yeah, what, you a French child?”
Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter) and Ava (Janelle James) question a student who was caught smoking
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (Bonus Quote!)
“Hi.”
“Hmph, bet you are.”
Janine (Quinta Brunson) greets a student after it gets out that she smokes weed at night to de-stress
GOOD TROUBLE
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Not great, Bob!”
“[Mariana looks around, confused] Who’s Bob?”
A stressed-out Callie (Maia Mitchell) channels Mad Men when Jamie (Beau Mirchoff) and Mariana (Cierra Ramirez) check in on her during her engagement party
LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
“I don’t want to be overdramatic here, but the idea of watching clips of him talking every week for the next year makes me want to book a trip on the next Titan submersible.”
WILL TRENT
“Hey, Franklin, get this bagged. See if it belongs to anyone in the neighborhood. If it doesn’t, could be one of the do-ers.”
“Oh, I’m gonna stop you right there, bitch. I am not your secretary.”
Franklin (Kevin Daniels) doesn’t take orders from Ormewood (Jake McLaughlin)
WILL TRENT (Bonus Quote!)
“Trent was right. Bomber parked right where he said they’d be, and I got an ID on the car.”
“Let me guess — blue Dodge Charger?”
“How’d you know that, witch?”
Faith (Iantha Richardson) is one step ahead of Franklin (Kevin Daniels)
THE NEIGHBORHOOD
“Go easy on him, Mom. It’s been a rough day for Li’l Nick Cannon.”
Malcolm (Sheaun McKinney) makes light of younger brother Marty accidentally impregnating Courtney
THE WOMAN IN THE WALL
“Still nothing?”
“Well, you know what they say about a watched pot.”
“It… called the kettle black?”
So close, Skelly (Cillian Lenaghan). So close.
THE DAILY SHOW
“This f—king guy [Tucker Carlson] really loves bread. I hate to think what would’ve happened if he had found a bagel.”
THE DAILY SHOW (Bonus Quote!)
“Finally! A sneaker that won’t make me feel bad when I accidentally step in s—t!”
RESIDENT ALIEN
“Oh, no! The pizza’s outside the trap!”
Harry’s (Alan Tudyk) first thought after getting trapped inside Joseph’s cage is about pizza, and we are not surprised one bit
THE ROOKIE
“I don’t mess with curses. Not since Uncle Cheese uncovered that ancient tomb. You can keep your bad juju, Final Destination karma target away from me.”
Smitty (Brent Huff) wants none of Nolan’s “last shift curse” stank rubbing off on him
THE ROOKIE (Bonus Quote!)
“I come bearing burritos and babies.”
“Ooh, I don’t know which I’m happier to see! [Angela reaches first for burrito] Don’t judge me.”
Wes (Shawn Ashmore) and the kids pay Angela (Alyssa Diaz) a midday visit
NCIS: HAWAI’I
“Milton Blanc? Sounds intriguing. Some kind of serial killer?”
“No, an arsonist.”
“Hmm! Part of a fringe terrorist cell?”
“Part of the U.S. Postal Service. Until he burned down a mail distribution center.”
“Musta put up quite a fight when he was getting arrested, though, right?”
“He turned himself in.”
Lucy (Yasmine Al-Bustami) is not pleased with Thelma and Louise’s (Tori Anderson) pick of the fugitive litter
THE TRAITORS
“Peter puts the ‘d—k’ in dictator.”
Newly appointed Traitor Kate Chastain tells us how she really feels about the former Bachelor
THE TRAITORS (Bonus Quote!)
“What you might have forgot, Peter, is this is not The Bachelor, and I don’t have to kiss your ass for a rose.”
Phaedra Parks takes some massive swings while fighting for her life at the roundtable
FEUD: CAPOTE VS. THE SWANS
“Why did we never date? We were in Italy at the same time. We’ve circled each other.”
“We would’ve murdered each other. Two flowers, no gardener… that’s… [Laughs]”
James Baldwin (Chris Chalk) explains to Capote (Tom Hollander) why as a couple they’d never have, um, worked
THE GOOD DOCTOR
“You should come over sometime. You two both groan a lot, make strange faces.”
Lea (Paige Spara) attempts to set up a “playdate” between Glassman and Steve
THE GOOD DOCTOR (Bonus Quote!)
“I’m sorry, can I raincheck tonight? I’m exhausted and Jerome promised we could watch a nice crime procedural.”
“Sometimes you need a case of the week.”
Having just gone eight months without a new episode of any of the Law & Orders, we agree with Jordan (Bria Samoné Henderson)
GHOSTS
“The only s’more I’m interested in is s’more integrity around here.”
Pete (Richie Moriarty) resists Sas’ offer to use his power to make Jay put Pete’s favorite snack on the restaurant menu
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
“Donald Trump announced he is selling limited-edition gold sneakers for $400. You can check them out on the feet of the guy getting dragged off your flight.”
BLUE BLOODS
“I would like you to [file a complaint].”
“It won’t do anything except make everybody more pissed off at me.”
“And I’ll have your back. But I think it’s an important message to send.”
“Which is…?”
“Boys aren’t the only ones allowed to have a club.”
Captain McNichols (Stephanie Kurtzuba) and Eddie (Vanessa Ray) form an alliance
THE CONNERS
“There you are! I’ve been looking all over town for you. I even went to Costco to see if you were trying flannels on in the boys’ section.”
In Ben’s (Jay R. Ferguson) defense, Darlene’s tiny and wears a lot of flannel
THE CONNERS (Bonus Quote!)
“If I knew for sure I could remember to love you every day, I would never leave you.”
After all these years, it turns out Bev (Estelle Parsons) really does have a heart
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