Quotes of the Week: The Golden Bachelor, Loki, Gen V, Magnum P.I. and More
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The recent end of the writers’ strike meant the return of late-night talk shows this week, and many of ’em are represented in our latest Quotes of the Week compilation.
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In the list below, we’ve gathered nearly two dozen of TV’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, in addition to the aforementioned late-night gents, we’ve got quotable moments from Loki (grade the Season 2 premiere!), Big Brother, The Morning Show, Kitchen Nightmares and The Voice, among other series.
Plus, this week’s roundup also features double doses of The Golden Bachelor, Gen V, Magnum P.I. and Only Murders in the Building.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
“While I am happy that [the Writers Guild of America] eventually got a deal, and I’m proud of what our union accomplished, I’m also furious that it took the studios 148 days to achieve a deal that they could have offered on day f—king one.”
THE GOLDEN BACHELOR
“I didn’t want to be on top. I’ve had my knees replaced. That’s a lot of climbing.”
Sandra has a good reason for taking the bottom bunk in the Bachelor mansion’s bunk beds
THE GOLDEN BACHELOR (Bonus Quote!)
“Guys? Do the rose ceremony in chairs. You have people in here 60, 70 and above. Do the rose ceremony in the chairs!”
Natascha has a suggestion for the producers of this senior citizen-focused season
KRAPOPOLIS
“They are interested in a domestic relationship… They want to live in our houses and sleep in our beds and eat our food. They want to be escorted outside so they can poop and pee wherever they want. And whenever they do it, they want to be told they’re good at it!”
Shlub (voiced by Matt Berry) reports that pre-domesticated wolves have some pretty outlandish demands in order to become dogs
LOKI
“We fought, Mobius. And she kicked me through a time door.”
“Well, I’d ask who won, but…”
“It was a draw.”
Loki (Tom Hiddleston) refuses to admit to Mobius (Owen Wilson) that Sylvie got the upper hand in their Season 1 finale fight
THE VOICE
“I don’t know if she’s got a six-octave range, but it’s way over my hairspray.”
Reba McEntire, marveling at contestant Chechi Sarai’s high notes
THE MORNING SHOW
“Sorkin won’t release his Kissinger biopic to UBA+.”
“Why did you green-light that?”
“Self-hate.”
“That tracks.”
Newsroom Lite’s got jokes!
GEN V
“We don’t know who’s in on it. If Brink was, maybe other professors, maybe Dean Shetty. But you guys are gonna get a green van and a talking dog and f—king solve it?”
Jordan (London Thor) sounds dubious, but we think channeling Scooby Doo & Co. sounds like a great plan
GEN V (Bonus Quote!)
“I exploded his d—k.”
“Because I distracted him. Tag team c—ksplosion, all right?”
Marie (Jaz Sinclair) and Jordan (Londor Thor) debate who got the upper hand on Rufus
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
“I had a moment where I was curled up on his chest, and we were watching, like, hour three of Abbott Elementary, and I was, like, ‘I’m so happy!’”
It sounds like Anne Hathaway had the perfect wedding anniversary
FAMILY GUY
“Mom, Chris is being disgusting!”
“So are you. We’re all disgusting. That’s what family is.”
If this exchange between Meg (voiced by Mila Kunis) and Lois (Alex Borstein) doesn’t perfectly portray what this show is all about, we don’t know what does
AEW DYNAMITE
“Go f—k yourself.”
Christian Cage, firmly turning down his former tag team partner Adam Copeland’s offer to reunite
ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING
“I hate theater. I’m just here because I’m so f—king supportive.”
And really, what would be the point of going on if Uma (Jackie Hoffman) wasn’t there to show her support?
ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING (Bonus Quote!)
“God, that was incredible! I feel 58 again!”
Oliver’s (Martin Short) on Cloud 9 following his Death Rattle Dazzle debut
THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT
“It’s been a long time since our last Late Show. We looked at the calendar today and — check my math on this — I believe we have been off the air for 154 indictments.”
KITCHEN NIGHTMARES
“It says ‘QR Code Does Not Exist.’”
“Oh. If you go to the website, it should show up.”
“I’m here for lunch. Not an IT meeting.”
Gordon Ramsay labors to hunt down a restaurant’s online-only menu
MAGNUM P.I.
“If we had a baby, I wonder if it would inherit your gift of spin…”
“Or maybe your gift of sarcasm.”
Juliet (Perdita Weeks) questions Thomas’ (Jay Hernandez) professed “excitement” about possibly being a dad
MAGNUM P.I. (Bonus Quote!)
“You’re only supposed to do the slow clap in a big group. So that other people can join in.”
Nonetheless, T.C. (Stephen Hill) appreciates Shammy’s sentiment!
BIG BROTHER
“I’m not sure who she is, but shoutout to Emily. She sounds smart as hell.”
We’re sure the late poet Emily Dickinson appreciates Mecole’s kind words
THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON
“The stalemate finally ended when studios realized, ‘We gotta end this now, or it’s another three months of watching Suits.’”
THE CONTINENTAL: FROM THE WORLD OF JOHN WICK
“Wait, wait, wait, wait! Before this goes any further, I’d like you get something through your thick skulls.”
Winston (Colin Woodell) gives Cormac’s goons the tiniest “heads”-up they’re about to get bullets to their beans from a sniper
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