Quotes of the Week: Doctor Who, Monk, Dancing With the Stars, Voice and More
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A new Monk special? Frasier‘s season finale? Catherine Tate on Doctor Who? Oh, yeah, our latest Quotes of the Week compilation comes with some serious nostalgia.
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In the list below, we’ve gathered 20 of TV’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got bon mots and zingers from Bookie, The Santa Clauses, The View and House of Villains, plus a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it American Pie tribute from Dancing With the Stars finalist Alyson Hannigan. (See? Nostalgia!)
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of Squid Game: The Challenge, The Voice and Monarch: Legacy of Monsters, plus quotable moments from Magnum P.I., Survivor, The Real Housewives of Miami and more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
FRASIER
“It’s a sylvan nightmare! There’s no room to mingle! There’s no room to jingle!”
Seeing his apartment filled with Christmas trees has Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) rhyming like Dr. Seuss
THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON
“The [fourth Republican primary] debate will air on the CW network and NewsNation. So if you want to know how good a chance these candidates have, the debate is airing on the CW network and NewsNation.”
BOOKIE
“When he hits 50, his lumbar is gonna be a disaster.”
Danny (Sebastian Maniscalco) watches as one of his clients shoots — how should we put this? — a physically demanding pornographic film
BOOKIE (Bonus Quote!)
“You know what’s the most dangerous part of the pot business? When I started, I weighed 140 pounds. Seriously! I looked like Jesus.”
Hector (Jorge Garcia) warns Lorraine about the work munchies
NCIS: SYDNEY
“So how did DeShawn figure out this whole marriage thing?”
“He went back to his law school training, discovered that in some cases, marriage can be classified as an extenuating circumstance when it comes to extradition.”
“It almost sounds romantic when you put it like that.”
JD (Todd Lasance) and Mackey (Olivia Swann) watch their POI marry the woman he’d been on the lam with for decades since abandoning his post
MR. MONK’S LAST CASE: A MONK MOVIE
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your feet before.”
“I have. Three times.”
Leland Stottlemeyer (Ted Levine) and Adrian Monk (Tony Shalhoub), after Monk stepped in dog poo and took off his shoes and socks to recover
HOUSE OF VILLAINS
“Bobby has nobody to blame for the position that he’s in but himself… He’s not the supervillain, he’s the super idiot.”
Johnny Bananas reacts to Bobby Lytes nominating himself for elimination, then losing the redemption challenge
THE SANTA CLAUSES
“Truth be told, I’ve had my doubts about the other Santa and his really cruel gnome. They’ve been plotting and doing all kinds of bad stuff…. For example, they’ve been ordering a lot of movies on demand, and I have all the streaming services.”
Kris (Gabriel Iglesias) has reason to be upset with freeloaders Magnus Antas and Olga
SQUID GAME: THE CHALLENGE
“[over PA system] Please enjoy your feast.”
“Psych! We gotta stab each other for it.”
“Um, OK.”
“No! Not OK! We agreed, no stabbing!”
“I didn’t agree to anything.”
Sam saves Phill much uneasiness for dinner
SQUID GAME: THE CHALLENGE (Bonus Quote!)
“Mai…?”
“Yes?”
“My fly was down the entire night.”
Wow, Phill should really be happy then that the knives didn’t come out over dinner!
DOCTOR WHO SPECIAL 3: THE GIGGLE
“What do I care? I mean, seriously. Why should I care about you?”
“No change there.”
Donna (Catherine Tate) isn’t so sure this politician has “gone mad,” per se
THE VIEW
“My prediction is that Vivek [Ramaswamy] is going all the way! All the way… to the third round of Dancing With the Stars.”
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (voiced by Robert Smigel) weighs in on the current Republican presidential candidates — and we’ll remember this prediction for when it ultimately comes true
MAGNUM P.I.
“Freeze! FBI!”
“That’s a Costco card. Get out.”
Jin (Bobby Lee) fails to thwart his kidnapper, but he can get you a case of Kirkland water at a nice price
THE VOICE
“Let me ask you this, John and Mr. The Rapper…”
Team John Legend contestant Lila Forde addresses her coach — and, by his formal name, Mega Mentor Chance the Rapper
THE VOICE (Bonus Quote!)
“Our favorite Shelton, Gwen Stefani!”
Host Carson Daly finds a fun new way to introduce former coach Blake Shelton’s better half
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI
“When you’re my friends, you’re going to get the good, the bad and the freaky. Yes, I had sex twice last night, and this morning too. And if you don’t like it, you can take two dildos and shut your ears with them.”
This quote alone should be enough to get Kiki Barth promoted from ‘friend-of’ to full-time cast member
MONARCH: LEGACY OF MONSTERS
“Plane tickets, money, phones…. Courtesy of Monarch. I’m sorry about all of this.”
“Prick.”
“A—hole.”
“I am genuinely sorry for your loss.”
“Aww, thank you, prick a—hole.”
No parting gifts for Monarch’s short-term captives will curry Tim (Joe Tippett) favor
MONARCH: LEGACY OF MONSTERS (Bonus Quote!)
“How did you enjoy your time in Alaska?”
“I didn’t. And that will be reflected in my Tripadvisor review. Two stars?”
For May (Kiersey Clemons), the pillows could have been fluffier, and the whole ice monster thing was just unacceptable
SURVIVOR
“Hopefully the applecart’s upset in some way.”
“The applecart… is that a saying?”
“I think so? I don’t think I made it up.”
Twenty more minutes a week gives us access to groundbreaking conversations like this one between Jake and Katurah
DANCING WITH THE STARS
“This one time, on Dancing With the Stars, I made it to the finals!”
Alyson Hannigan puts a ballroom-themed spin on her infamous American Pie dialogue
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