Quotes of the Week: Bass Reeves, Loki, Days of Our Lives, All Rise and More
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Thanksgiving hasn’t arrived just yet, but we don’t think it’s too early to show a little gratitude for the top-notch TV dialogue we were gifted this week.
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In our Quotes of the Week compilation below, we’ve gathered nearly two dozen of TV’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got bon mots and zingers from Dancing With the Stars, Frasier, Big Brother and Loki‘s Season 2 finale (grade it!), plus an expletive-laden rant from The Morning Show and a line from Days of Our Lives that’s so nonsensical, we just had to include it.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of The Santa Clauses, Bosch: Legacy and The Daily Show, led by standout guest host Sarah Silverman.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
DANCING WITH THE STARS
“The wig I can’t get over. Is that Sophia Petrillo from The Golden Girls?”
Harry Jowsey’s transformation into Justin Timberlake (from *NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me” music video) leaves judge Bruno Tonioli, in his words, “totally bewildered”
ALL RISE
“Who do you think you are? John Wick? And don’t think I didn’t wring Robin’s neck over it, too.”
“I’ve got more of a Jason Bourne vibe.”
Lola (Simone Missick) and Mark (Wilson Bethel) discuss his recent risky behavior, going undercover to try to take down a Russian mob
THE SANTA CLAUSES
“May I remind you that Cal has neither the physical, mental or emotional acumen for the job. When he ties his shoelaces, he still says, ‘Over, under, around and through, meet Mr. Bunny and pull him through.’”
North Pole Chief of Staff Betty (Matilda Lawler) has her doubts about Cal taking over as Santa
THE SANTA CLAUSES (Bonus Quote!)
“So you’re telling me, with this slab, I can communicate with others, take self-etchings, and order gruel and herring at the same time?”
Magnus Antas (Eric Stonestreet), recently resurrected after more than 700 years, is amazed by smartphone technology
LOKI
“Are we sure she won’t…”
“…try to kill us all? [O.B. shrugs]”
B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) has legit concerns about the rebooted Miss Minutes
FAMILY GUY
“We haven’t traveled together in years!”
“That’s not true. You made us drive to Toronto to confront that sex worker I FaceTime with.”
“That wasn’t a vacation, that was an ultimatum.”
“And after an insultingly long pause, I chose you.”
Nothing about this interaction between Lois (voiced by Alex Borstein) and Peter (Seth MacFarlane) surprises us, except that Peter was thoughtful enough to use the term “sex worker”
UPLOAD (Episode 8)
“I think she’s too icky to date. And I’ve dated DJs and a musician.”
Aleesha (Zainab Johnson) discusses her sketchy new girlfriend
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SALT LAKE CITY
“My mom is very charming and very charismatic and very nice. And so was Ted Bundy.”
The only thing wilder than Monica Garcia’s description of her mother is the fact that she’s saying all of this at a 13-year-old girl’s birthday party at a roller skating rink
LAWMEN: BASS REEVES
“A man in town tried to sell me paradise, so I bought that piano instead.”
“With what?”
“With the promise that my husband was making a decent payday.”
“‘Bout that…”
Bass (David Oyelowo) has some bad news for Jennie (Lauren E. Banks)
BOSCH: LEGACY (Episode 7)
“Hey, s—tbird. I’ve got both [a badge and gun]. So take a walk, while you can.”
Maddie (Madison Lintz) stares down one of her dad’s past collars
BOSCH: LEGACY (Episode 8)
“Uno. Game over.”
Mo (Stephen A. Chang) shows his cards — that he at some point realized “Jade” was an FBI plant
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
“Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg revealed on Friday that he tore his ACL while training for a competitive MMA fight. Apparently, what happened was there was a coffee table in the way.”
THE CHOSEN
“If something were to happen to you… our family name will be forgotten.”
Who wants to assure Devorah (Marlaina Smith) that her brother Judas will make a name for himself?
FRASIER
“Look, we’re both waiting for dates, right? So the other date should be here any minute, at which point it should be obvious which date is for which.”
“Whose date is for whom.”
“Seriously?”
“Frederick, a stressful situation does not warrant a loosening on the reins of grammar.”
Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) is a stickler for proper English, even when he and his son Freddy (Jack Cutmore-Scott) are in the middle of a zany French farce
BIG BROTHER
“I would give Jag that same congratulations if he wasn’t playing against two senior citizens, one airhead and one idiot.”
Despite Jag’s formidable number of Power of Veto wins, Cirie just can’t bring herself to give him any kudos
FELLOW TRAVELERS
“Men do eat in restaurants. I could be your cousin.”
“Nephew.”
“From the poor side of the family.”
“[Smiles] Obviously.”
Tim (Jonathan Bailey) and Hawk (Matt Bomer) teasingly discuss how they could have a meal together in public
THE DAILY SHOW
“If [Robert F. Kennedy Jr.] gets 24% in the election, it would be the best showing for a third-party candidate since Teddy Roosevelt. And because RFK is anti-vax, it would be the best showing for polio since Franklin Roosevelt.”
THE DAILY SHOW (Bonus Quote!)
“[Yusef Salaam], one of the guys who was falsely accused of attacking a Central Park jogger and who Donald Trump said should get the death penalty, is now a city councilman. He went from having his life threatened by Trump to being an elected representative. He’s like a reverse Mike Pence.”
THE KILLER
“Maybe a mandatory 30-day waiting period for creatine is not a bad idea.”
The Netflix flick’s title character (Michael Fassbender) has thoughts as he scopes out his meathead of a target
THE MORNING SHOW
“F—k you, motherf—ker, f—k you and the rocket you rode in on, which, by the way, looks like a giant f—king metal d—k!”
Chip (Mark Duplass) has some choice words about Paul Marks’ desired acquisition of UBA
DAYS OF OUR LIVES
“I swear, if we don’t get in touch with my mother, and fast, I fear that this may very well become the days of our lives.”
Look, we’re all for cheekily working the title of your show into a line of dialogue, but what the heck is Dimitri (Peter Porte) even saying here?
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