What Queen Elizabeth Meant to Me — and My Daughter, Who Heard from the Queen on the Day the Monarch Died

Kirsty O'Connor-WPA Pool/Getty Images Queen Elizabeth II Visits Thames Hospice - July 2022

One of the questions I always get asked when I tell people that I write about the royals is: "Ooh so fun. Who's your favourite?" The answer was and always will be, the Queen.

I didn't grow up in a family of die-hard royalists, quite the opposite. I remember my mum questioning what all fuss was about when Princess Diana became the royal poster girl of the 1990s, but still when she died, off we went to pay our respects at Kensington Palace, flowers in hand. You see, the thing about being British and our relationship with the royal family is that even if you aren't that bothered, you sort of are.

Fast forward five years and I found myself working for PEOPLE magazine in their London office just as the young royals were becoming celebrities in their own right. Prince Harry was clubbing in Boujis at the weekend and Kate Middleton (pre-princess era) was stepping out in beautiful designer dresses and going rollerblading for charity — and so the royal beat became part of my job.

monique jessen The Queen walks past me at a garden party at Buckingham Palace 2016

In recent years, I've really enjoyed writing about the Queen's style. Mostly because there's a story in everything she wears. From the day of her coronation when she insisted on having the floral emblems of the Commonwealth hand embroidered onto her dress, she used fashion to make a statement that had nothing to do with trends. I loved the sentimental use of her jewelry, the brooches she wore to reference joyful and historic moments of the past, the provenance of these exquisite pieces and how she wore them so effortlessly.

RELATED: Inside the Life and Death of Queen Elizabeth II: 'She Will Be Missed by So Many'

Chris Jackson/WPA Pool/Shutterstock Queen Elizabeth wearing her honeymoon brooch on her wedding anniversary in Nov. 2020

When I saw the last picture of the Queen at Balmoral looking so frail, I said to a colleague, I think it might be time. But even two days later when the palace announced they were "concerned for Her Majesty's health," I couldn't quite believe it was all happening so soon. She had always been there, a steady constant in all of our lives, a symbol of unity for our nation. It truly felt like she was the nation's grandmother — but in fancier jewels — and I didn't feel ready.

Jane Barlow - WPA Pool/Getty Images Queen Elizabeth on her final engagement - September 2022

She was the ultimate matriarchal figure and the head of a family that has seen its fair share of scandal over the years. She transcended what it meant to be a monarch. Appearing with Paddington Bear during the recent Jubilee celebrations (ensuring her memory lived on through the eyes of my children, for sure) and escorted by James Bond to open the 2012 Olympic Games. What other monarch could you ever imagine doing that? On my way to lay flowers at Windsor Castle just after her death, I was struck by the touching notes, so many of them from children, with teddy bears and balloons, lighting candles for an old lady they never knew.

monique jessen Laying my single rose at Windsor Castle

Her words to the nation during the bleak months of the COVID-19 pandemic made me feel calm and reassured, like a steady ship in stormy waters. When human connection was at its absolute lowest, her face, bright and reassuring on our TV (mine surrounded by takeaway boxes and abandoned scribbles of schoolwork), felt like a beacon of hope. And when she said, "We will meet again," echoing the words of Vera Lynn's wartime song, I believed her. Who else had the experience to make that sentiment true?

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Floral tributes at Windsor Castle after the Queen's death

I have met several members of the royal family, including King Charles and Queen Camilla (who was particularly lovely, I thought), but I'm genuinely sad I never got to meet the Queen and experience that twinkle in her eye or be on the receiving end of one of her famous witty one-liners.

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Whatever your views on the monarchy, I think it's worth remembering her humanity; her ability to connect with so many from every single walk of life. That's what truly matters at the end of our lives, really. Those connections, those memories. And that's why thousands of mourners are now in a potential 30-hour long queue to see her one last time.

Clive Limpkin/Daily Mail/Shutterstock Queen Elizabeth greets the crowds on a walkabout in 1977

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In her later years, she seemed to soften, her smile more radiant, surrounded by adoring grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but rewind over 70 years and she was a force to be reckoned with. There is much debate as to whether she was a feminist or not, but I think the evidence is pretty clear. At age 19, she rolled her sleeves up with women of all backgrounds to volunteer as a mechanic and truck driver for the ATS during the war.

As Queen, she oversaw a change in succession laws that allowed both male and female heirs to have equal rights to the throne. My favourite "girl power" story is when she took the-then Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia (a country which then banned women from driving) for a hair-raising spin in her Land Rover during a visit to Balmoral. The story goes that she wouldn't stop talking and was driving at such speed, that he had to ask the interpreter to get her to slow down and concentrate! So much changed for women in society during her 70 years on the throne and the whole time we had her there leading the way — and for that, I am extremely grateful.

Samir Hussein/WireImage Windsor Castle on the day Queen Elizabeth died

In a poignant moment, much like the rainbow that appeared over Windsor Castle shortly after the Queen's death, I happened to check my post box on the way back from the school run on that memorable day last Thursday. There, sitting all alone, was a thick cream envelope with the Buckingham Palace postal frank and the Queen's instantly recognisable cipher — a letter from the Queen addressed to my 5-year-old daughter. My heart literally skipped a beat.

During happier times, my daughter and her friend had drawn pictures wishing the Queen a "Hapee Jooblee," and she received a card in return thanking her for the "kind message" with two pictures of the Queen, from ELIZABETH R. Two hours later it was announced she had died. "She just ran out of time Mummy, so she had to do it today," my daughter told me as she put her card up on display next to her sister's Paddington Bear and drifted off to sleep with memories of her dutiful, extraordinary Queen.