‘Poolman’ Review: Chris Pine’s Noir-Drenched L.A. Comedy Is a Shrill Misfire

Michael Rechtshaffen
·3 min read
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The pool dude abides.

Somewhere early on in the creative process, Chris Pine and his writing-producing partner Ian Gotler clearly thought they were on to something inspired with Poolman, which seemingly set out to reimagine Chinatown as a Coen brothers movie, with Pine playing the title character — a long-haired, scraggly bearded Zen master of a pool cleaner turned bumbling sleuth. But the end result, also serving as Pine’s directorial debut, goes tonally off the rails from the start and proceeds to hit bottom with excruciating momentum, dragging a game ensemble, including Annette Bening, Danny DeVito and Jennifer Jason Leigh, down for the count.

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Given its world premiere at Toronto, where it arrived looking for distribution, this TIFF stiff will likely have a tough time finding a home based on the tepid response from the customarily effusive festival audience.

Plying his craft at the kidney-shaped swimming pool in front of the Tahitian Tiki, a motel turned apartment complex, Pine’s Darren Barrenman definitely makes a statement with his salmon-colored, ’70s-length bathing trunks and wide-eyed dreamer demeanor. When he’s not checking pH levels choreographed to the soothing strains of “Flower Duet” from Lakme playing on his portable CD player, D.B. can be found in his trailer, tapping out daily affirmations on his manual typewriter, addressed to his favorite civic crusader, Erin Brockovich.

Determined to make his beloved L.A. a better place, especially where bus schedules are concerned, he also routinely crashes city council meetings accompanied by Tahitian Tiki owner-residents Jack (DeVito) and Diane (Bening), an out-of-work director and actress turned therapist, respectively. Also with them is his girlfriend, complex manager Susan (Leigh), who wants to open her own Pilates studio.

Intrigue arrives in the sultry form of June Del Rey (DeWanda Wise), a stylishly appointed femme fatale, equal parts Faye Dunaway and Jessica Rabbit, drawing Darren into a web of intrigue and corruption as he uncovers a plot by tough guy Van Patterson (Ray Wise) to siphon off the city’s precious water supply for his ambitious almond-growing operation.

Trapped somewhere under the overmodulated freneticism is the kernel of something workable, especially in regard to the Wise character, whose co-opting of the region’s aquifer would appear to be based on the controversial practices of The Wonderful Company, which has landed in hot water in the past because of its aggressive Central Valley agricultural techniques. But it gets lost in the shrill goofiness of a concept, which, at best, feels like the sort of half-baked SNL character sketches that tend to get buried in the slot following the second musical performance.

While Pine is undeniably a charismatic actor, that likability can only generate so much audience good will in a production overstuffed with cartoonish caricatures lacking any sort of deeper connective tissue. The notable exception here is Stephen Tobolowsky in the role of a rabbi moonlighting as a city council president, who also leads a secret life playing Blanche in a Golden Girls drag cabaret staging, miraculously managing to wring pathos out of the wacky character.

Shot on 35mm film (though, due to technical issues, digitally projected at its premiere), the film has a throwback, Long Goodbye vibe that extends to the Southern California locations, including the Santa Anita Racetrack, the Biltmore Hotel, Clifton’s Cafeteria, the Pasadena Mansion and, naturally, Chinatown. But it’s all ultimately obscured by the insufferably tedious goings-on cramming the foreground, even as the filmmakers maintain their work is intended as “a love letter to Los Angeles.”

Where’s the Return to Sender stamp when you need it?

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