Are You Polygender? Here's How to Tell.
Drew Record, a 38-year-old restaurateur and sommelier in Oakland, California, would go swimming at his grandparents’ place as a child and wish he could wear girls’ bathing suits. “I remember being confused about my sexuality and tying it to my gender identity and thinking that if I magically woke up a girl, it would all make everything easier,” he says. “It would explain why I was attracted to boys. Of course, it would create a new problem because I'd still be attracted to girls, too.”
After he began wearing dresses and makeup and spending time with women’s groups, he realized that even though he wasn’t male, he didn’t quite feel female either. That was when he settled on the labels of non-binary and polygender. The latter term—polygender—is used to describe people who have more than one gender identity.
The fluidity of the polygender identity felt natural to him. “We know of many animals that can change their gender based on circumstance or even the weather, so having a fluid identity made sense to me,” Record says. “Some days, I think, yeah, I'm the manliest man. (Usually it's because I did something handy around the house.) Other days, I just want to wear something pretty. I now feel most comfortable in a shaggy beard and pearls, knowing I don't have to conform to any one gender norm.”
What exactly does “polygender” mean?
“Polygender is the descriptive word for someone who experiences multiple gender identities,” says licensed social worker and LGBT+ expert Dr. Kryss Shane. Some polygender feel that their gender changes from day to day or even moment to moment, while others use the term to designate that they, like Record, have multiple genders at a time.
The word “polygender” came into usage in the mid-’90s, says Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a psychologist specializing in gender and sexuality. “These people deliberately refute the idea that gender is a binary,” she says. (Binary, in this case, refers to the notion that there are only two genders: man and woman.)
You can think of “polygender” as an umbrella term for identities that encompass more than one gender. Polygender people also may identify with other labels, such as male, female, transgender, or non-binary, and they may dress and present themselves in a way that is stereotypically masculine, feminine, or androgynous, Shane says.
The term “polygender” can mean different things to different people who identify with it.
“One polygender person may also be gender-fluid and on the binary (so they are sometimes male, sometimes female); another polygender person may be sometimes agender and sometimes non-binary; and another polygender person may be another mixture of two or more gender identities,” Shane explains.
Some trans people use the term “polygender” because they do not identify strictly as a trans man or trans woman, Bisbey adds.
Polygender people may or may not experience gender dysphoria: discomfort with their body based on a discongruence with their felt sense of gender, Shane says. In addition, there are polygender people who use hormones or surgery to express their gender identity and ones who don’t, Bisbey says.
What are some misconceptions about being polygender?
Even though they’re not often talked about, polygender identities and gender fluidity are “very common,” says psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist Dr. Lee Phillips.
“There is this misconception that it does not exist because people believe that you should only identify as male or female,” he says. “People also believe the person is trying to gain attention from others, and this is not necessarily true.”
Another misconception is that “polygender” means being attracted to multiple genders. Remember: gender identity and sexual orientation are separate. The word for being attracted to multiple genders is “polysexual,” Bisbey explains.
What are the signs that I might be polygender?
“If you are someone whose gender identity fluctuates or seems to not fit into one permanent category, the polygender identity description may be a fit for you and is worth further research,” Shane says.
One sign of being polygender is “not fully identifying as a male, female, trans, or non-binary,” says Phillips. “You may also feel that you cannot experience each gender equally and/or in the same way. For example, you may feel feminine, when the next day, you may feel more masculine, and then you go out that evening feeling masculine and feminine.”
Still, there are no rules for how you identify, and if the label resonates with you, that’s probably for a reason. “When identifying if an individual is polygender, it is important to keep in mind that there are no criteria or characteristics, as this is truly up to the individual and their perspective of themselves,” says licensed counselor Haley Riddle.
If someone in your life identifies as polygender, the best thing you can do is to ask them what language and pronouns they’d like you to use for them, how they see themselves, and what their identity means to them. “We all have different ideas of what the same words mean,” Record says. “I would never be mad at someone who is coming to the conversation earnestly and with empathy.”
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