People Are Sharing The Worst Relationship Advice They've Ever Received, And Boyyy Is It Disheartening
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the worst relationship advice they've ever been given. You'll probably be surprised by just how many of these unwise "words of wisdom" you've heard too. Here are some of the most popular pieces of advice that should be ignored and avoided:
1.“'True love is unconditional.' WRONG!! My love most definitely comes with conditions! No lying, cheating, gaslighting, and no forms of abuse. Do any of those, and I walk."
2."My sister told me not to marry my now-husband since he 'would never be able to take care of me' and 'he would never be a CEO.' I told her she was wrong and he was a great man. For our 14 years of a happy marriage, I have been the breadwinner the whole time and neither one of us cares. We are an equal team and he takes care of me in SO many ways. She found a surgeon husband and has had a very rocky marriage. So, find a true partner in all ways. Money isn’t the only way to take care of someone."
—Anonymous
3."'Maybe you'll grow to like them.' I refuse to waste any more time dating people just in case I might like them eventually. First impressions matter. Either we hit it off or we don't. End of story."
4."'Judge your relationship like a report card.' AKA: Stay in it if the guy looks good on paper. NO. Obviously you don't want to cut and run over the tiniest issue, but following this terrible advice led me to ignore red flags in early stages where, if I'd trusted my gut, I would have left. Instead, every time I asked for advice or clarity, I received the same message: 'You're upset, but it could be worse! He's a good guy!' OK, but he wasn't good *for me!* I followed the advice, married the wrong person, and I truly regret it."
—Anonymous
5."'If it's meant to be, it will be!' This was something I heard all the time when I was long-distance with my ex. I sort of get the core concept: If you're really well-suited, then it's easier to 'find a way.' But, there's no perfect relationship. We all have to work on ourselves and our partnerships constantly. So, you can't assume you'll definitely 'find a way' just because you think you're well-suited. You also have to work to be together, even when life circumstances aren't working with you."
6."'Your personality is too strong for a woman. Ease guys into it instead of being yourself right away.' I never took this advice because it's bullshit. I'm not going to suppress who I am just to make men feel more comfortable."
7."A little less than a year ago, I went on a date with a guy who had been flirting with me for about two years but wasn’t doing anything about it. I asked for the date mostly because I couldn’t tell if I had romantic feelings for him (spoiler alert: I didn’t). Thankfully, the date ended without him trying to kiss me, but both of my parents asked me if I had kissed him. I said no, and they BOTH told me that I had to kiss him to know for sure that I didn’t like him. Here’s the real advice: If you don’t feel comfy kissing someone, that’s a good way to tell you’re not interested in that person."
—Anonymous
8.“'Being with them is better than being alone.'”
9.“'Your standards are too high.' My standards have never been superficial. My standards have always had to do with who they are as a person: good listener, high emotional intelligence, genuinely kind-hearted, etc. People who I’m no longer friends with told me to lower my standards and I ended up dating a douche for much longer than I should have. Since then, I’ve raised my standards again and they’re more solid than ever. I might not date many people, but the people I do date tend to be good guys, even if it doesn’t work out."
10."'Relationships are hard work.' Yes, it can be hard sometimes and you have to make a conscious effort, but I stayed in a bad relationship way too long because I had it embedded in my head that keeping the relationship going was top-priority no matter what and that you have to make any sacrifice necessary in the name of love. Nope. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself and your partner is to break up. If it's that hard, it's not working."
11."The classic 'he pulled your ponytail (or pushed you or ignored you) in class so that means he likes you.' Can't figure out how I ended up in abusive relationships."
12."I don't like getting any advice about finding 'the one.' Maybe for others it’s fine, but this concept has fucked me up. I always felt like if someone wasn’t 100% perfect, then someone better was out there for me. I would get into a tiff with my partner and immediately question our relationship. A marriage and partnership should obviously be great and based on respect and love, but in my honest opinion, there is not just ONE PERSON out there for any one of us. We get to choose to be with our partners every day and that’s such a gift. Stop looking around every corner for that perfect someone while you’re with someone amazing! Marriage and relationships takes effort. It can’t all be sunshine and rainbows, or else it would get boring."
13."My mom once told me that sometimes I had to let the man 'feel like the man' in the relationship by treating him like the head of the household to make him feel better."
14.“'Tone down your intimidating nature, and a man will come to you.' In other words, that means in order for a man’s ego not to be bruised when they meet you, you have to dial back on talking about all the things you’ve accomplished, what you do for a living, and the goals you plan to achieve, just so you can make him feel better about himself. If his confidence is instilled, then maybe, just maybe, he’ll give you a chance. KNOW YOUR WORTH!"
15."My husband's aunt told me, upon my engagement, that the key to a happy life was 'a happy wife.' I HATE, HATE, HATE this saying so much. I know it's been tossed around, but there are women out there who legitimately believe this shit. She basically said my husband's feelings be damned and he should live to make me happy. She said the same thing to him. Oh, I was livid. We had a good laugh and said, 'Oh yeah, so THAT'S why she's on her fourth marriage. Makes total sense.'"
16."'Just give them a chance.' No, just don't. There's a reason why you're not feeling them, so don't force yourself into something that's likely going to end badly."
17."'Women are responsible for their own orgasms.' Completely 100% wrong. Sex is a two-way street, and both people are responsible for consent, care, attention, and pleasure. To have the emphasis placed on ensuring a man gets off shifts the balance of power and diminishes the value of the female orgasm, as well as their partner's role in her achieving that."
18."I've been told that deception and manipulation are totally okay if they're done 'for the right reason.' My parents famously got engaged after my grandma lied to my dad and told him my mom was marrying someone else while they were taking a break from their four-year relationship. Spoiler alert: She definitely wasn't. My mom (and grandma apparently) felt like he was dragging his feet and taking too long to propose, so they decided to provide some incentive. What a shifty way to start your life together — by lying to the other person! Look, if someone needs to be tricked into proposing to you, it doesn't bode well for the rest of the marriage, which I can attest to."
19."'The grass is not always greener.' I was trying to get out of a toxic relationship and people kept saying that to me. No, it’s not always greener, but sometimes it is. I left eventually, but it took a while because I started second guessing. 'Is this really as good as it gets? Am I asking for too much?' and then I met my now-husband. The grass IS much greener. I wasn’t asking for too much."
20."When I was engaged, I constantly got told that good communication can prevent any arguments, so if you're arguing, you're not talking enough. That's just not true. Miscommunications are bound to happen in any relationship because we're all human! Arguments WILL happen sometimes! Expecting a perfect relationship is setting unrealistic standards that WILL disappoint."
—Anonymous
21."When I was separated from my ex-husband and seeing a therapist about our relationship issues, my mom told me that it’s normal not to be in love with your partner and that they should just feel like your roommate. I am now happily divorced and my ex and I are still friends and great co-parents. I’m so glad I didn’t let my mom pressure me into staying in a loveless marriage."
—Anonymous
22."'You’ve been together for almost a decade! Why are you giving up on them?' I’m not giving up on anyone, Karen. I’m realizing that I’m worth more than the half-assed effort they’ve been putting into me when I put twice that amount of effort into them, and I’m tired of putting my needs on the back burner. Love yourselves enough to know when to quit."
23."My mom told me to marry someone who loves me more than I love them because 'women fall more in love during marriage and men fall out of love.' Probably stems from her own marital issues and a long history of insecurity on her part. I'm not married, so I haven't had the opportunity to follow this advice, but I don't intend on following it."
—Anonymous
24.“'Never go to bed angry.' This can be toxic because sometimes you need to just separate and let it go for a day. Go to separate rooms/places, decompress, process, regroup, sleep on it. Then come back with a clear head and work through the problem. Don't keep escalating it."
25."'Forget about them already. There are plenty of others!' Well, true, but you have to let the person grieve the relationship. They will move on when they're actually ready for that. Trash-talking their ex will only make them defensive."
—Anonymous
26.Finally: "'Love conquers all.' Nope, couldn't be more wrong. If you want to 'conquer all,' you need more than love. You need respect, mutual trust, and an ability to communicate. You need to be mentally ready and available to improve the relationship and yourself. It's just way more complex than that phrase."
—Anonymous
What's the worst piece of relationship advice you've ever received? Did you follow it? Tell us your story in the comments below.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
