Paris Hilton Says an Ex's Ultimatum and 'Quaaludes' Led to Her 2003 Sex Tape: 'I Had to Drink Myself Silly'

Dan Boczarski/NBC via Getty

Paris Hilton is shedding new light on her infamous 2003 sex tape with then-boyfriend Rick Salomon.

In an excerpt from her new book Paris: The Memoir, the reality star detailed what resulted in the sex tape happening in the first place, recalling how Salomon repeatedly brought up the idea before she eventually gave in.

"I don't remember that much about the night he wanted to make a videotape while we made love," wrote Hilton, 42, per an excerpt published in The Times of London. "He had often said it was something he did with other women, but I felt weird and uncomfortable about it. I always told him, 'I can't. It's too embarrassing.'"

She continued, "He kept pushing. I kept making excuses."

And while Salomon promised that the tape would remain private between them, Hilton recalled the ultimatum he gave her: "He told me if I wouldn't do it, he could easily find someone who would."

"That was the worst thing I could think of — to be dumped by this grown man because I was a stupid kid who didn't know how to play grown-up games," she continued.

RELATED: Paris Hilton Opens Up About the Secret Terrifying Abuse She Suffered as a Teen

Since Hilton struggled with her sexuality after suffering from abuse as a child, she wanted to be "alive in a sensual way." However, she said, "I wasn't capable of the level of trust required to make a videotape like that."

"I had to drink myself silly. Quaaludes helped. But I did it," she continued to write. "I have to own that. I knew what he wanted, and I went with it."

Kevin Mazur/Getty Paris Hilton

Before she knew it, a clip from the intimate moment was leaked, teasing a full-length version of the tape that was released shortly after.

"The world thinks of me as a sex symbol, and I'm here for that, because symbol literally means icon," she wrote. "But when people saw that sex tape, they didn't say 'icon,' they said 'slut.' They said 'whore.'"

Added Hilton, "I felt like my life was over, and in many ways it was. Certainly, the career I had envisioned was no longer possible."

Hilton has been candid about her fears around her sexuality since the sex tape leaked, even recently telling Harper's Bazaar she was "known as a sex symbol, but anything sexual terrified me."

RELATED: Paris Hilton Says She Was Drugged and Raped as a Teen: 'I Just Immediately Started Feeling Dizzy'

Steve Granitz/FilmMagic

The Paris in Love star is now married to Carter Reum. In finding love with Reum, Hilton — who recently welcomed son Phoenix Barron — began enjoying sex and no longer held the belief she was asexual.

"It wasn't until Carter that I finally am not that way. I enjoy hooking up with my husband," she also told Harper's Bazaar.

"I just feel like after all the hell I've been through, I'm finally getting what I deserve," she added, "which is someone I can trust and someone to build a real life with."

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Paris: The Memoir is available March 14 wherever books are sold.