Netflix Pamela Anderson
In the forthcoming Netflix documentary, Pamela, A Love Story, the 55-year-old actress and model addresses the trauma of having a semi-fictionalized story about her life — including her relationship with ex-husband Tommy Lee and the 1995 scandal surrounding a stolen homemade sex tape — play out on screen. Not mincing words, she says, the series "really gives me nightmares."
"I have no desire to watch it," she says in the documentary, according to Entertainment Tonight. "I never watched the tape, I'm never going to watch this."
The show, which earned multiple award nominations for stars Lily James and Sebastian Stan, was based off a 2014 Rolling Stone article that detailed how the couple's sex tape was stolen from their home, how it was leaked and sold without their permission, and what happened in the ensuing legal battle.
Erin Simkin/Hulu Pam & Tommy
Dylan asks (per ET): "Why bring something up from 20 years ago that you know f---ed someone up?"
In her documentary, Anderson asserts that producers "should have had my permission" before making the series" because "nobody really knows what we were going through at the time."
A source told PEOPLE last February when the limited series premiered that Anderson felt like she was "being re-subjected to the trauma, like re-opening a wound."
"This was a very traumatic time of her life," the insider said. "She's a really good person, and I think all she's really ever wanted was to be married and have a partner and have a nice life."
"It was already hurtful enough the first time," Anderson said of reliving the traumatic experience through the show. "It's like one of those things where you're going, 'Really?' People are still capitalizing off that thing?"
FRANCK FIFE/AFP via Getty Images; Erin Simkin/ Hulu
PEOPLE exclusively debuted the first trailer for Pamela, A Love Story on Jan. 10, with director Ryan White sharing, "She's telling her story in her own words, finally, but she also doesn't know which archival videos and personal diaries will be used in the final film."
"She gave us carte blanche to use the archival [footage for] how we thought best told the story," added White. "It's a sign of how authentically Pamela has lived her life. She owns every part of her life — the good, the bad and the ugly. It's an incredibly vulnerable but brave way to live."
Anderson also has a memoir — which her sons had encouraged her to create — coming out the same day. She told PEOPLE that Love, Pamela is "a celebration of imperfections," chronicling "just one girl's messy life."
"These are all my feelings, about my life — no 'woe is me,' though sometimes were tough. I made it through, and had to find love in grace and dignity mixed with humor, acceptance and forgiveness," she said, adding that she's both "proud of the final product" and "that it's behind me."
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Pamela, A Love Story and Love, Pamela will both be released on on Jan. 31.