Outlander Episode 12 Finale Recap: In 'Never My Love' Claire Struggles to Survive

Reshma Gopaldas
·28 min read

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Content Warning: The following story contains mention and/or description of sexual violence. This episode of Outlander deals with issues that are difficult to watch and might be triggering for some. Please visit: www.rainn.org for resources to help.

Spoiler Warning: This article contains spoilers for Outlander Season 5, Episode 12, “Never My Love.”

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The season 5 finale of Outlander is gutting, beautiful, painful, deeply sad and incredible. And it is not easy to watch. Last episode, was filled with several moments of joy that we really probably took for granted. It ended with Claire being violently kidnapped, and Jamie declaring war.

The first 15 minutes of this episode are very difficult. Happy Mother’s Day from Outlander, who is hurting everyone’s mom, Claire Fraser. It begins with startling flashbacks of Claire being taken, no sound, just a stressful beat for each. We see the faces of all the men who took Claire, and all the key moments between Claire and Lionel Brown. God. I. Hate. Him.

Then silence.

We see a woman’s hand putting a record player on. It’s in the future, seems like the 60s/70s, very Mad Men-esque. The song, “Never My Love” plays on loop. What I think is happening is Claire is thinking of this as she’s being brutalized.

Claire, in a red dress, sits alone on a couch looking at a painting of Fraser’s Ridge. (Hello again, to Claire’s 60s-era bob). Then we flash to Claire gagged and bleeding on the floor of the woods. I was right. Ugh. She is imagining a different place to dissociate from what it is happening to her.

Okay, so just so you know, usually these recaps have some humor in them. I got no jokes. I am just going to be rage spiraling the whole time. Enjoy.

We return to Claire’s 60s world, Jamie comes home takes off his coat. He looks like the Jamie of seasons 1 and 2. He is not in modern clothing. Then we go back to Claire in the woods. There is a rope around her neck. She has a gag in her mouth, like a big one.

Guys.

“I was just trying to help.”

Claire flashes to back when they took her. She’s slapped hard. One of them says, “I say we kill her, leave her for the beast.” Then we flash to a tied up Claire crying on the floor of the woods, she continues to flashback. A man says, “We know Fraser’s got his hands full for a while.” Claire says, “The still? That was you?” In the last episode, Jamie left Claire to go attend the fire at the still. Lionel Brown says, “Well, aren’t you the clever one Dr. Rawlings. You never thought anyone would find out about your little newspaper column. Now you are going to repent for you sin. She says, “I was just trying to help.” He spits back, “Spreading dangerous ideas is what you mean. Telling women how to deceive their husbands and to deny them their god given rights.” The band of extremely evil looking men look on.

And here is where I can feel it happening, I am officially rage spiraling. This episode is all about hatred of women. The 60s stylized vignettes that they are using are excellent. It is often said when you go through trauma, your mind transports you somewhere else. And I’d rather be with Jamie and Claire in their Mad Men future house than here.

Lionel continues to admonish Claire, “Telling my wife to avoid my bed!” He says they’re taking her to Brownsville where the women will see who she really is. Who is she Lionel?! A smart, strong woman. And you can’t take that. He grabs her by her hair and throws her to the ground. 60s Claire looks at the Fraser’s Ridge painting in her alternate reality. “Never My Love” plays each time Claire thinks of this.

Jamie & Claire’s Happy Thanksgiving

The doorbell rings in the 60s. Claire and Jamie answer the door. Young Ian in a soldier’s uniform exclaims, “Happy Thanksgiving uncle!” They hug.

Flashback to earlier where Claire is running from the men, they violently grab her. Flash to Claire on floor of woods. This is awful. Not the way they’ve done this. What is happening to her. Lionel’s right hand man slices her with a knife above her left breast, which why she has blood on her shirt in the woods. She yells in pain and says, “You bastards! You will go to hell for this!” A man says, “Don’t touch her. It’s a curse. She’s a conjure woman.” Man, I wish they would listen to him.

She grabs the guys who slashed her and says, “If you touch me, you’ll be dead by dawn. He goes to attack her but Lionel Brown says, “Just tie her up.”

As one of them ties her up he asks, “Where do you come from?” Claire says, “You bloody kidnapped me.” And you can hear it in her voice, she’s getting weaker. He says, “No, before you settled here.” Then he says in an American accent almost, “The moon looks the same everywhere, looks like the man on the moon staring back at us.” Claire’s eyes widen, but she says nothing. Great, seems like that evil dude is a time traveler.

Cut to later, she’s still tied up, and the men are drinking and someone says, “Well, her legs aren’t tied.” Oh god.

Back to the record player happy place, Claire looks out the window. It’s raining, Jamie covers her with a blanket, and he says, “You are shaking so hard.” This is very well done. I really wish we were at their 60s Thanksgiving and not in these terror woods.

We cut back to earlier before Claire was tied up. A man who thought she was a conjure woman, offers her food. But he’s not being nice, he’s scared of her. He tells her his name is Tabby and, “to remember I was good to you. Tell your spirits Tebbe tried to help you.” She says, “Thank you and asks how long til we reach Brownsville?” “Two days.”

They stop at the river bank to cross the river, and Claire and Tebbe work out an agreement he will release her in the water. But unfortunately, the guy who slashed her grabs her. They struggle. We flash to her on the floor of the woods. Curled in the fetal position, her nose is bleeding.

Back in Claire’s 60s world, Murtagh and Jocasta are there playing with a Germain! And this makes me extremely happy. (Mainly because I don’t have to see Claire on the floor of the woods struggling for 30 seconds). It’s the mental break I needed. Murtagh and Jocasta are dressed in very 60s/70s outfits. And guess who else is there? Marsali and Fergus rocking this 70s look! I am on board for this Mad Men-Outlander perfect family dinner. “Never My Love” plays on loop. In these scenes, Claire does not speak, but everyone else does.

Please don’t take me back to the woods.

Oh, good God, back to the woods. Claire remembers what they did at the river bed, they put a gag on her and tied her up. Back in the fake 60s, Jamie is holding her. Then we go back to woods and it is an aerial shot where you see how brutalized she is. They tied her up like an animal, she hears “Never My Love,” playing.

Back at the campsite, a gagged Claire stares at Lionel. His small tiny male ego can’t take it and he comes over and punches her hard knocking her over. He drags her to a tree, and calls her a b*tch. Why is that always the go to phrase for small men? He ties a rope around her neck and says, “I’m going to put some manners in you.”

Back to the 60s Thanksgiving dinner, Claire looks at her fam with love and it’s perfect. (Noticeably missing are Bree and Roger). She sees Jamie at the end of the table.

Claire looks on the woods floor and sees a bunny. Remember when Jamie was dying after the Battle of Culloden in Season 2 and he saw Claire and the bunny? But then Claire looks back there is no bunny. Outlander, why do you have to ruin bunnies for us too? You jerks.

Wendigo Donner is just like Claire

I’m glad they keep flashing back between her alternate reality and this pure f-ing terror, because this is very stressful to watch. The man who tied her up comes over, ungags her and says, “Does the name Ringo Starr mean anything to you?” She says yes.” And he goes, “I knew it! I knew that advice from Dr. Rawlings had to come from someone not in this time.” She pleads with him to untie her, and says, “Do you know what they’re planning?” Oh poor Claire knows. This can’t end well. Where is Jamie. Where is he?! Wendigo says, “It’s mostly just talk. They’re scared to death of you think you’re a witch.”

Wendigo tells her he traveled back with a group of Indians from 1968. She begs him to untie her. And he says Lionel will kill both of them. Oh cool, a coward. Wendigo then says, “I need to get home I’ve been trying for too long. I need gem stones.” Claire says she has them. “I’ll get them for you. Let’s go.” He says ok we need to wait ‘til they fall asleep. Lionel screams, “What are you doing Donner?” And he says “Making sure she’s tied tight.”

You know what never leads to good things, a group of evil drunk men drinking with a woman tied up 20 feet away. Disgusted. Donner says, “You don’t act afraid of men, you ought to act more afraid.” And he puts her gag back on. Remember in the recent episode, when Claire and Jamie fought and he said, “You have to remember you are a woman” and I said he was not being a chauvinist but merely warning her about this time? But Donner is wrong. On so many levels. Level one: If you can untie a woman and save her, do it. You freaking coward. Level two: This isn’t Claire’s fault for not bowing to men. This is the men’s fault, including you Donner.

Poor Claire

Back to happy 60s Jamie and Claire, he wraps his tartan kilt around her. They look out the rainy window. Oh gosh, Lionel Brown appears in the reflection. He is now infiltrating her imaginary happy place. Back in the woods, Lionel brings over his nephew, grinning from ear to ear, who takes his pants off and starts to attack Claire. She fights and then flashes back to her alternate reality. He rapes her while she is tied up. All we see are Claire’s eyes widen. After the boy finishes, Lionel laughs, “Are you finished already?! Man you’re sorry.” Honestly, Lionel Brown should have been murdered the moment he disrespected Claire, I stand by this.

Lionel comes closer to Claire and says, “I apologize for my nephew, he’s just a boy. But you’re pretending to be a man.” He then kicks her and punches her, and we hear the sound of it but we flash to Claire and Jamie in the 60s hugging. Then Lionel rapes her. And we see Claire’s face. Then back to 60s Claire looking at a vase. That vase she looked at it in the very first episode of Outlander.

 

Jamie is in the background and says he checked on the turkey. Jamie Fraser as a suburban thanksgiving Dad. Yes please. Claire looks perfectly happy. He says, “The table gets bigger every year as does our family.” Twitter fan @uselesstat said what we’re all thinking, “60s Frasers is the real spinoff we all deserve.”

Blood of my Blood, Bone of My Bone

Claire sees water dripping from the ceiling. I believe this is to symbolize what’s happening to her seeping in. Germain is playing, and Young Ian asks where his cousin and the professor are. Jamie says they’re delayed. At the Thanksgiving table, Jamie gives thanks and toasts Claire, “I’m grateful for my beautiful wife. Blood of my blood and bone of my bone,” as Claire looks at Brianna’s and Roger’s empty chairs. “My heart was yours since I first saw you, you’ve held my soul in your two hands, kept it safe. Slainte!” The lights go dark, and Lionel appears at table. Flash back to Claire in woods, close up on her face. Lionel’s finished, breathes heavily, says, “Not so high and might now are we?”

Heartbreaking. Claire looks like she is already dead. Her eyes are open, but she’s in shock. He screams to the other men, “Who’s next for a go with the hedge whore?” And three men start walking over taking their coats off. This is by far the worst part of the entire episode. We again see the aerial shot of Claire lying in the woods. She almost looks dead.

She flashes to ‘60s, Germain jumps into Murtagh’s arms and Murtagh says, “It’s Prestonpans all over again.” And we flash to young Ian saying, “Happy Thanksgiving, Auntie!” Marsali and Fergus have a lot of children in this reality too. So birth control never works for them. Marsali says, “I’m going to make an extra plate of sweet potatoes for Jemmy.”

Claire looks at Bree and Roger’s empty chairs and Jamie says, “Don’t worry they will be here soon. And he looks like that young guy she fell in love with all those years ago.

Roger and Bree are here!

The doorbell rings. “Roger and Bree are here!” Claire goes to answer the door. The song keeps playing. Claire answers and its two police officers, who sound like Lionel and his evil lieutenant. “Mrs. Fraser, Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie were killed in a car accident with their child.” The police officers are Lionel and that guy. Claire says, “No.” And in slow motion, everyone runs to door, and Claire fades to black. Interesting note, Claire lost her parents in a car accident. And the only word Claire has said in this alternate reality was, “No.”

Omg, it’s only 15 minutes in. I have 45 more minutes to go. Send help. To Claire. Not me. We pick back up with Roger, Bree and Jemmy waking up after traveling through the stones. They see Young Ian! Yes it failed! Young Ian says you’re back?! How?

Bree says, “I was thinking about home.” And Roger says, “So was I.” I want to cry. The stress of the last 15 mins is too much. They head back home in a very, very slow horse carriage. Jemmy sleeps with the biggest grin on his face. I NEED THIS on repeat in this episode. But Bree sees the fiery cross in the distance, she says, “Da lit the cross!”

They jump back in the carriage and head out. Back at the Ridge, Jamie is gearing up for war. He and Lizzy see Roger and Bree pull up. (That slow carriage is modern day Ford vs. Ferrari car apparently). Lizzy is so happy. Jamie says “There’s been an attack on the Ridge they have taken your mother. We are going to get her back.” Bree looks gutted. and wants to come with them but he says it’s too dangerous.

Then the Beardsley twin says he’s coming too, “for Mistress Claire.” Roger says, “I’m coming too.” Let’s be honest Roger is one of the biggest Claire fans. Then Roger gives a speech to Jamie where he refers to when Jamie called him the “son of his house.” Hey guys, not to interrupt your man speeches, but GET MOVING? I will say that I was full on crying during Roger’s speech. But that might have just been a response to the first 15 minutes of the show. Or just seeing how many kids Claire has that love her.

Young Ian readies for war, he puts red war paint on his head, and shaves his head. Weird time for a haircut, but I’m gonna go with it.

Back to Claire in the 60s. Jamie takes off his coat. I will never ever be able to hear this song again. They slow dance. Ugh, why can’t we stay here?

Jamie rescues Claire

We go back to Claire on the floor of the woods. Gun fire erupts in the distance, and Ian is there beating the crap out of the men. Oh thank god, they are rescuing her, I couldn’t take much more. Fergus is there fighting (for his mother!) and John Quincy (I love Kyle Rees — more of him in season six!). Roger kills someone and looks pretty surprised that the guy died. Young Ian kills the evil lieutenant who slashed her. Jamie screams Claire’s name and then shoots a gun, slashes a few men with his sword.

“You are alive, you are whole.”

Back to 60s, Jamie has him arms wrapped around Claire and says, “Do not be afraid, it’s just the two of us now.” Back in the woods, Jamie sees Claire and falls to his knees seeing what they’ve done to her. Wow. You can’t watch this without crying. The look on Sam Heughan’s will leave you speechless. He ungags her and cuts her loose, but she is broken. Broken. And he is too. He is going to kill everyone. You can see it in his eyes. He says, “You are alive, you are whole, mo nighean donn.” This is shattering.

 

And these two deserve all the awards. Honestly, Caitriona Balfe and Sam Heughan will win all of them. Not should win. Will win. He for Episode seven and she for this finale.

Young Ian and Fergus walk over and see her. They look horrified. John Quincy says, “There are some left that are still alive.” He hands the knife to Claire, and says, “You can have your vengeance upon them, mistress.” Jamie holds her as she cries. Jamie says “She is bound by an oath, she may not kill for her own life. It is myself that kills for her.” Ian says, “And I,” and Fergus says “and I, mi lady.”

“Kill them all.”

Jamie asks Claire, “Who? How many?” He knows. Just by looking at her, he knew. She weakly says “I don’t know.” He looks at the men and says with the most calmness I have ever heard, “Kill them all.” He holds back tears, he stays with Claire and we hear Ian, Fergus and John Quincy slaughtering them. A blood stained Ian comes back and says “It is done.” And then we see a beautiful shot, the silhouettes of all the men standing around Claire. That is what good men look like.

Claire is broken. Jamie wraps a tartan around her and picks her up and carries her to the dead men. He puts her down and says, “You see they are dead.” Wow, her face is so beat up. John Quincy discovers Lionel is still alive. They decide to keep him alive, “There are questions and bring him along.” That’s some self-control. I would have killed him.

Jamie Brings Claire Home

Jamie and Claire stop at the river. She weakly asks about Marsali. And Jamie says, She’s alive sassenach. She and the baby. I felt it kicking strong in her belly.” Claire asks, “Was there an Indian there” Jamie says, “No,” and Claire says, “He was like me. From the future.” Jamie asks, “Did he harm you?” Claire replies, “He didn’t help me.” Let it be known, I detest Wendigo Donner. I know we will most likely see that garbage again in Season six. Remember this moment. “He didn’t help me.”

Claire tells Jamie she thinks she’s imagining things because she saw Roger. Jamie tells her, “Roger and Bree and Jemmy, they’ve come home.” Claire can’t even look up. You remember how broken Jamie was after Wentworth, he is now Claire. And Claire is him. And this show needs to give us some joy next season. I demand it.

Bree sees them pulling up, and runs to Claire. Jamie lifts Claire down from the carriage and she looks so small and broken. Bree hugs Claire, the way a mother hugs a daughter. Claire says, “I thought I’d never see you again.” Bree says, “Mama I’m home.” And they hug. Claire looks up and sees Marsali. And then the best trifecta hug ever happens. And all is right in the world. Okay not really, but I would watch this moment on repeat if I could. Oh look I can. This is the .GIF that keeps on giving.

 

“I survived.”

Bree washes Claire’s hair in the bathtub, and Claire is so beaten, bruised and defeated. Bree gets up and says what Lizzy said to her after her own assault, “You have my hand mama and my ear if you need it.” What an awful thing for a mother and daughter (and father) to have in common.

Claire is in her bedroom Jamie comes in and tells her, “The sight of you tears my heart, and I feel I must kill someone.” She asks if Lionel is still alive? Jamie says, “In the surgery tied up. The men gave him a beating. We’ll get answers.” Honestly, there are no questions or answers! Kill him. He did that to her because he hates women.

Claire says, “Will you let him live?” Hard to say if she’s asking him to not kill him. Jamie says, “Is your oath so strong?” He touches her hand. She says, “I don’t want you to worry about me I’m just a little shaken.” Jamie says, “Claire, I know what it feels like.”

She says, “No I have lived through a f*cking world war, lost our child, lost two husbands, I’ve been starved with an army, and I’ve been beaten and I’ve been betrayed, and I’ve been imprisoned, and I will not — I survived. And this — I’m supposed to be shattered by this? Well I won’t be. I won’t.” Phenomenal. Balfe delivers this speech with the strength and vulnerability, that only she could. Seeing the character that is one half of the foundation of this show be so broken, yet defiant, is incredibly powerful. As is Sam Heughan fighting back tears watching Caitriona Balfe give this amazing speech.

This couple has been through too much. And so have we. I know there is a lot of debate whether shows should show horrific events like rape. But maybe they do need to, because this kind of violence happens and most people don’t want to believe it. And maybe we need to see it happens to be able to believe victims.

Bree returns to Roger, who asks whether Claire was able to talk about it That’s a super naïve question. Sorry, but it just happened man!She says, “No. She might never. Maybe she will tell Da someday.” Bree is much better at explaining stuff to Roger than I would be. Then Roger tells Bree he killed someone. This scene falls pretty empty for me. I would have rather seen more of Bree and Claire together than have Roger tell Bree what we all knew he’d have to do. Roger’s nightshirt is super short. I’m not shaming him, I’m just telling you, that nightshirt is the one moment I smiled in the episode. So thanks Roger, for that sliver of joy. Or whoever gave Richard Rankin that wee shirt to wear.

“For my ma”

Claire walks into her surgery and Lionel brown is on the table in restraints. Honestly why is he still alive? Marsali is there. Where is Jamie?! You’re telling me Jamie would let Claire be alone in a room with Lionel Brown? No siree bob.

Lionel says, “Have mercy on me” And Marsali says, “Be quiet what do you think this is? It’s not mercy.” He pleads with Claire not to let Jamie kill him. For real?! Claire tells Marsali to prepare the syringe. And he begs her. Claire picks up a knife. Then flashes back to her Mad Men 60s place, and picks up an orange. She then drops the knife and says “I will do you no harm.” And runs out. Goes up the stairs and curls into a ball in the corner.

The audacity of that man to beg for his life, after doing what he did to her. THE AUDACITY. As Claire crumbles onto the floor, Marsali prepares the water hemlock. OMG, is she going to kill LIONEL?! YES, girl. Do it for your Ma! Lionel mouths off and Marsali fills the syringe. Lionel says some misogynistic horseshit about how his brother will slaughter them if they mistreat them. Then he tells Marsali he likes it when women smile when they serve him food. LOL. This is the 17th century, “Make me a sandwich,” moment.

Marsali then holds the syringe and says, “I learned well from Mistress Fraser. She took an oath to do no harm, but I’ve taken no such oath.” And then she stabs him in the neck. “You hurt me, you hurt my family, you hurt my ma, I’ll watch you burn in hell before I let harm another soul in this house.” And she kills him.

Thank you, Marsali. Claire is still the Queen of the Ridge, but you are definitely our mini Queen, you freaking legend. Jamie walks in and sees what Marsali has done. (Your job, James! No seriously, I like that Marsali did this, but I still think Lionel lasting a minute past disrespecting Claire in episode 7 is not very JAMMF). Marsali asks Jamie, “Will he haunt me, am I going to hell?” If you are, worth it!

I know there is a lot of debate whether shows should show horrific events like rape (and to what degree it can be done sensitively). But maybe they do need to and maybe we need to see it happens to be able to believe, empathize with and support victims and survivors.

Jamie brings the trash back to Brownsville

Jamie brings Lionel’s dead body back to Brownsville. He throws it on the ground like a garbage bag and I re-wound that to watch it. Guys, I think I might have the potential to murder. Like Dexter style. But in a Ruth Bader Ginsburg feminist way.

Jamie then tells Brown that his brother and his men abducted and violated his wife. How is he so calm? “I brought you your brother so you may bury him.” The Browns deserve nothing! Is that Winn Dixie behind Brother Brown? Or Wendigo Donner, whatever. If not, he’s kind of twinning with that gent.

The brother doesn’t seem so upset about Lionel’s death. But then he says, “My brother reaped what he sowed. And you did what you must. “Jamie goes to leave and Brown says “As will I when the time comes.” For real?! You’re going to threaten a man, whose wife was gang raped by your brother and his men. (I really tried not to write gang rape in this, but it happened and it cannot be forgotten). Jamie leaves but looks like he will kill them all when that time does come.

Jamie and Claire are broken, yet somehow still perfect

In a voiceover, Jamie says, “I have lived through war and lost much. I know what’s worth the fight and what is not. Honor and courage are matters of the bone. And what a man will kill for, he’ll sometimes die for too.” We haven’t gotten a Jamie voiceover in 4 years, since the first season’s episode, “The Reckoning.”

We see a happy, joyous Ridge with the thunder rolling in. Young Ian playing with Rollo. Fergus and Marsali hug as Jamie says, “A man’s life springs from his woman’s bones and in her blood is his honor christened. For the sake of love alone, would I walk through fire again.”

While Roger and Bree walk towards the Ridge, they geek out and repeat book passages about the “road less traveled” to each other. Bree is very good at memorizing books. Hello, Moby Dick. Bree asks Roger if he’s disappointed and he says, “We wanted the stones to take us home and they did.” (Um, I believe I told you this last time, and you could have saved yourselves a two week carriage ride).

Claire and Jamie stand together on the porch watching all their kids and grandkids. Claire says, “Let’s enjoy this day, because who knows how much longer we will have this peace, knowing what’s coming.” Please don’t gut us anymore in the last 10 mins, Outlander. Enough.

Then Jamie quotes something from a book to Claire and now we know where Bree gets it from. Little book nerd Frasers. Claire says, “I love you.” Jamie holds her hand and they do a close up where we see those two awful scars Jamie got when he was brutalized by Blackjack Randall, and Claire had to sew his hand back together. It will be interesting to see how the show deals with the aftermath. In season two, half the season show Jamie’s struggles and Claire’s for them to recover from his brutal attack.

Jamie responds, “When the day shall come that we do part, if my last words are not I love you, you will know it’s because I didn’t have time.” Guys, this is the most heartbreaking, bittersweet couple. They don’t deserve this pain. We don’t either.

And then Outlander gives us the hope we all needed in the form of probably one of the best shots in this series. Jamie and Claire are in bed, naked and entwined. He says, “Christ, you’re a brave wee thing.” Her body is still very bruised. And she says, “Am I?” He asks her, “How do you feel?” And she says, “Safe.” Season five fades to black and all we hear is the rain and then a haunting acapella version of the Outlander theme.

This is a sad, yet hopeful scene. And this shot cannot be matched. This show could technically just do a spinoff that is aerial shots of Caitriona Balfe and Sam Heughan in bed. Episode nine and this ending shot are actual art.

I’m exhausted. Beautifully done. I will never watch it again. Except three parts. Jamie saying, “Kill Them All,” Marsali doing what needed to be done, and that last shot. Caitriona Balfe and Sam Heughan becoming producers this season was just the shot of creative energy this show needed. They are truly the backbone of this show. Goodbye Outlander Season five, you were fantastic, heartbreaking, painful, and so damn good. See you in two years. (Sorry). So yes, it broke us. But we have two years to pick up the pieces.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted or needs support in dealing with sexual violence, there is hope and support out there. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is free, confidential, anonymous, and available 24/7. 800.656.HOPE & http://online.rainn.org .

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