We’re all already inside. Might as well drink…
Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden will be squaring off in a “virtual debate” tonight in Washington, D.C. Due to coronavirus, there will be no live audience, and it’s just as well. The Sanders campaign is signaling that it does not intend to push Biden terribly hard in this debate, with Sanders saying in a Saturday night “fireside chat” that he mainly intends to challenge Biden on the “most important questions.”
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This is likely to be less a battle than a display of “unity,” designed to help repair schisms heading into a general election. From a box office perspective, the other draw of tonight’s event is that it provides the first real look we’ve had at Biden in a prolonged, demanding, unscripted appearance. The full taxonomy of verbal Bidenisms should be on display.
In tonight’s game, drink EVERY TIME:
- Joe Biden yields time before time is up, or fails to complete a sentence (e.g. “All men are created by – you know the thing.”)
- Sanders says, “My friend.”
- Biden offers a wrong fact/word in place of a correct one (e.g. “Super Thursday”). Make it a double if he misidentifies himself (“I’m Joe Biden’s husband”) his location (“What’s not to like about Vermont?) or his job status (“I’m a candidate for the United States Senate”).
- Anyone utters the words, “unity,” “electable,” or “I think we can agree” that both of the people onstage are better than Donald Trump.
- Biden says something unintentionally inappropriate (e.g. “No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman in anger… we have to keep punching at it.”).
- Biden says something intentionally inappropriate (e.g. “I hope you’re as bright as you are good-looking”).
- Sanders pledges to campaign for Biden if he’s the nominee.
- Sanders apologizes for “Bernie Bros,” “toxicity,” or some other bogus narrative.
- Biden tees off for no good reason (“Look, fat,” “lying dog faced-pony soldier,” “You’re full of shit”). You may expand this rule to include any instance of either candidate’s emotional affect flying off course.
- Either candidate lies (e.g. “I had the honor of being arrested with our U.N. ambassador on the streets of Soweto”). Double if Biden comes up with yet another version of his record on the Iraq war (e.g. “I did oppose the war before it began”).
- Biden delivers an answer that does not make sense, and Sanders does not point out that it does not make sense.
- You feel depressed about the coming general election season.
Obviously the last rule is optional.
On the “intentionally inappropriate” rule, keep your own counsel. There may be instances in which a double-shot is warranted. If Biden for instance tells Colombian-born Ilia Calderon that she has better legs than original moderator Jorge Ramos, finish whatever bottle you’ve opened.
Do not politics and drive. See you on Hot Mic tonight!
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