How the Obamas, Gwyneth Paltrow and More Comforted Avant Family After Philanthropist’s Murder (Exclusive)

In her new book, ‘Think You’ll Be Happy,’ Nicole Avant reveals how her friends offered support and helped her find joy again after her 81-year-old mom was killed

Nicole Avant remembers talking to one of her closest friends, hours after her mom Jacqueline was killed following a Beverly Hills home invasion. Words tumbled out of her mouth that December 2021 morning. Nicole, 55, says, “I said, ‘I have to call my aunt. I’m fine. I have to call everybody.’”

After she handed the phone to her husband, Netflix’s co-CEO Ted Sarandos, the friend on the other end of the line said, “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I’m on my way. I need to come see her.“

The friend was Gwyneth Paltrow who, along with some of Nicole’s closest confidantes, rallied around the Avant family to offer support after the unthinkable news that the 81-year-old matriarch had been murdered.

Within hours of the news breaking celebs and politicians alike publicly mourned Nicole’s mom Jacqueline. Tyler Perry vowed on X (then known as Twitter) that “every available resource” would be used to find the person responsible.

Former president Bill Clinton remembered the wife of music executive Clarence Avant as “a wonderful woman” and “dear friend.” Meanwhile Oprah Winfrey wrote that she was “numbed and in shock.”

Related: Nicole Avant on Forgiving Her Mom’s Killer and the Moment She Heard the 81-Year-Old Had Been Shot (Exclusive)

Now, nearly two years later, Nicole is revealing exactly how far some of her friends supported her in her hour of need.

“My dad always said, ‘I don’t have problems. I have friends.’ And now I know what he meant when he said that because I lived it,” the former U.S. Ambassador to the Bahamas tells PEOPLE. “Because, without my friends showing up without me having to ask them to, I really don’t know if I’d be sitting here the way I am.”

It is no surprise that Nicole can count A-listers and former U.S. presidents among her friends. Her dad Clarence, who died in August aged 92, was a legendary music executive, film producer and the subject of the Netflix documentary, The Black Godfather. Quincy Jones is her godfather and entertainers like singer Bill Withers and record producer Jerry Moss were family friends.

Following in her parents’ footsteps, she got involved in politics and helped to raise funds to get Barack Obama elected president in 2008. So, it’s natural that the Obamas personally paid their respects to Nicole, her husband Ted, 59, and dad Clarence in L.A. that Christmas.

But, as she writes in her new book, Think You’ll Be Happy: Moving Through Grief with Grit, Grace, and Gratitude, Gwyneth, 51, actress Laura Dern and philanthropist Irena Medavoy were part of a core circle of friends who provided practical and emotional support. The Goop founder was a constant presence.

“The beauty of Gwyneth, all my girlfriends, but especially her, is from that [first] day, she controlled everything. She controlled everyone and everything,” says Nicole, who adds that others would call the Oscar winner to find out when they could visit the family and what they should bring.

“I remember one day walking downstairs and I said, ‘Gwyneth, you really need to go back and run your company.’ And she looked at me and she had her laptop out. She was like, ‘I got it,’” Nicole says. If Gwyneth played overall air traffic controller, Irena focused on the food. “No one even called her. I think she heard it on the news,” says Nicole of her distraught friend who showed up willing to help.

Meanwhile, Dern helped Nicole by driving around Los Angeles and trying to find burial sites for Jacqueline that the family would like. For Nicole — who was liaising with detectives investigating her mom’s case and trying to care for her elderly dad, all while mourning the death of her father-in-law who died days earlier — it was an invaluable kindness. She describes Laura, 56 (a friend of almost a decade), as her “real sister.”

The support was not just practical, it was emotional too. As Nicole describes in her book, when Paltrow arrived at her home that December morning the actress was concerned that she wasn’t processing the reality, that her mother had been shot and killed. Nicole says, “I’ll never forget she walked me [outside] to the grass and said, ‘Let’s get grounded here. Do you understand what happened?’ “

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That emotional support continued long after the initial period of mourning. That first New Year’s Day after Jacqueline’s death, Paltrow invited Nicole, Ted and Clarence to celebrate with her family, including husband, Brad Falchuk, in Montecito, Calif. “She said, ‘Bring Clarence over. I’m making brunch.’ And he was in a new space with new smells, just newness. She was trying to give him a sense of newness,” the author remembers.

The day after Clarence died peacefully in Nicole and Ted’s home on Aug. 13 this year, Paltrow was among a sea of stars like Jamie Foxx and Diddy who paid tribute on social media. On Instagram, underneath a photo of the two of them together, the actress wrote, in part, “You were beloved by so many, including our family who looked forward to every dinner, every drop of wisdom, just the warmth of your presence.” The mom of two ended with, “We love you more than words can say.”

“Gwyneth and my father developed this beautiful bond. She cooked for him. She would come to visit and just sit with him,” Nicole says. “He loved her strength, her wit, her grace. I think she reminded him a little bit of Jacquie in lots of ways. But she was unbelievable in the way she showed up because it wasn’t just for me.”

Think You’ll Be Happy: Moving Through Grief With Grit, Grace and Gratitude will be published on Oct. 17.

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