Nico Tortorella Opens Up About Fertility Struggles Before Welcoming Baby with Partner Bethany (Exclusive)

The new father tells PEOPLE there's not just "one way" to "bring a life into this world"

Nico Tortorella is opening up about his and Bethany C. Meyers’ difficult journey to becoming parents.

The City on Fire actor, 34 — who uses “all pronouns,” but prefers he/him in writing — welcomed his first baby, daughter Kilmer Dove Meyers Tortorella, with his spouse, 37, on March 5.

The couple, who wed in 2018, has been open about the challenges they faced trying to conceive before their pregnancy. Now as their daughter is nearly 4 months old, Tortorella is looking back and reflecting on the parents' long journey.

“For anyone that is experiencing any sort of infertility, we are trying to create life at a time when life is seemingly the most fragile, and it f------ sucks,” the actor tells PEOPLE exclusively. “It sucks and it hurts, until one day it doesn't.”

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Related: Nico Tortorella and Bethany C. Meyers Welcome First Baby, Daughter Kilmer Dove, in 'Beautiful' Home Birth

“There's not just one way to have a baby or to bring life into this world,” he adds.

The Younger alum shares that becoming a father has definitely been “emotional” for him and that he’s experiencing everything in his life in a more “intense” way now.

“Every single person has their own relationship, in one way or another, with their parents. And for that script to flip and for you to start seeing what it looks like from the other side in real time while you're looking at your child's face, it feels like a level up,” he says. “It just feels like I am experiencing everything in my life and this world in a more intense way.”

“It truly is transformative,” he continues, speaking about fatherhood. “Parts of yourself have to die in order to create life. It just seems so clear to me.”

Tortorella admits that the 4-month stage is challenging, especially as a first-time parent.

Related: Nico Tortorella Says They Currently Only Have Sex with Spouse to 'Get Pregnant'

“There's something that happens around 4 months old. The babies just start losing it,” he shares. “It's a huge growth spurt, they stop sleeping, and we have absolutely experienced the other side of things these last few days.”

However, the Mattachine Family actor still insists that parenthood is “the greatest thing we’ve ever experienced.”

“We've had some hard nights this past week, but it feels like it's the reason that Bethany and I are here and the reason that we are doing what we're doing,” he says. “It gives us more purpose to just keep exploring new forms of art and expression and creativity. It feels like the question and the answer.”

Adding, “It's just completely changed who we are as people, as individuals, as a couple."

Related: Nico Tortorella and Bethany C. Meyers Expecting First Baby Together: 'Today Is a Celebration'

Tortorella previously spoke with PEOPLE about his and Bethany’s “not easy” road to parenthood last August when they first announced their pregnancy.

“We've been trying to conceive for almost two years and we're happy to announce our baby finally decided the time was right. And as anyone with an infertility journey will tell you, it's not easy,” the couple shared in a statement to PEOPLE at the time. “After months and months of heartache and unknowns we are beginning to see just how much magic and healing this process has already offered.”

In a September 2021 episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast, the actor called trying to conceive “terrible.”

“It's a f-----g process,” he shared at the time. “I just wished we learned more about how to get pregnant and not about how not to get pregnant. It's terrible.”

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