Stephen Colbert is "shaken to the core" that his Papa Bear, Bill O'Reilly, flip-flopped his position on gay marriage earlier this week.
"I can't believe it," the fake conservative pundit exclaimed on Wednesday night's "Colbert Report" after playing a clip of the actual conservative pundit declaring "the compelling argument is on the side of homosexuals."
"On gay marriage, Bill O'Reilly has flip-flopped," Colbert continued, before another admission by the "O'Reilly Factor" host floored him.
"The gay marriage thing?" O'Reilly said during a Fox News clip from Tuesday. "I don't feel that strongly about it one way or another."
"Bill O'Reilly doesn't feel strongly about something?" Colbert questioned in a panic. "You are Bill O'Reilly. Read you're fucking contract!
"Firemen put out fires, homeless people are crazy, and you feel strongly about everything. Especially gay marriage," Colbert lampooned before getting to the point. "I mean, you used to."
A flurry of old clips suggest that O'Reilly was, in fact, strongly opposed to gay marriage in the past due to a fear that it would lead to people marrying animals -- goats, in particular.
O'Reilly, now a proven flip-flopper, also criticized "phony" former President Bill Clinton and President Barack Obama for supporting gay marriage after initially opposing it. And since O'Reilly can't possibly be labeled a phony, Colbert can only come to one logical conclusion: O'Reilly is pro-goat marriage.
Take it away, Colbert: