How to Become a Reality TV Villain in Just One Day
I realized a dream by joining the dubious ranks of previous "Big Brother" baddies.
Richard Hatch ("Survivor"), Omarosa ("The Apprentice"), Dr. Will Kirby ("Big Brother") — just a few of the iconic, venomous nut jobs who made their 15 minutes count by wreaking havoc on reality TV. You may find these real-life characters offensive — thanks to their scheming, backstabbing, and spiteful speechifying skills — but I have always gravitated toward them. Reality baddies — along with pop culture villains like the Joker, Boss Hogg ("The Dukes of Hazzard"), and Amanda Woodward ("Melrose Place") — are the ones who give every great show its luster.
Last week, I attempted (with questionable success) to join the ranks of reality legends by entering the "Big Brother" house for Press Day.
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For the fourth consecutive year, CBS and the producers of "Big Brother" invited me to participate in a condensed version of the reality show, where I'd be competing against fellow journalists for the coveted Head of Household title, power, and glory. As the above video shows, I didn't win. In fact, I lost (both competitions that day) and was evicted from the house by my peers. However, while I may not have taken the prize, I distinguished myself in the evil department.
In my heart, I know I won, because history has continuously shown that while winners' names are soon forgotten, iconic villains are forever.
Want to be one? Here are 10 ways to become a reality TV villain:
1. Perfect an Evil Death Stare
Show 'em you mean business with a glare that could cut glass.
2. Craft a Maniacal Laugh
Jabba the Hut, Cruella de Vil, and Sideshow Bob should serve as inspirations.
3. Channel a Previous Villain
"Big Brother" Season 13 champ Rachel Reilly is my spirit animal. I tried to make her proud … but failed miserably.
4. Deliver Memorable Quotes
Even if they're cruel!
5. Be Aggressive, Be-Be Aggressive!
Villains aren't typically wallflowers. Be bold, be brash, be brave, and always play to win.
6. Put Your Biggest Competitor on Blast
Attempt to rattle his or her nerves (especially before competitions) by getting up in their grill.
7. Accuse Your Peers of Being Passive Wusses
OK, so I put everyone on blast during "Big Brother" Press Day, including the innocents (aka floaters) who didn't support my diabolical plans.
8. Never Suck Up, Even to Those in Power
Ruthless conviction is key. Don't waver even in desperate times.
9. Present an Epically Scathing Speech Near the End of the Competition
Unfortunately, my Power of Veto speech — during which I told the winner of the PoV to keep doing what his puppet master demanded of him — didn't make the final cut, but I was trying my best to top Susan Hawk's iconic speech from the first season of "Survivor."
10. Go Down in a Blaze of Glory
Upon hearing the results of the final vote, I called my peers jerks, grabbed my belongings, refused to give them goodbye hugs, and marched out the door … to my adoring fans.
Follow me on Twitter @lifeontheMlist
Meet the cast of "Big Brother" Season 15: