Nastia Liukin Addresses Her Abrupt Special Forces Exit: 'I Felt My Integrity Was at Stake'
Pete Dadds/FOX
Nastia Liukin says she woke up "feeling exhausted" on Thursday morning after last night's episode of Special Forces aired on FOX.
The 33-year-old Olympian tells PEOPLE, "It's good to have it behind [me]," now that viewers have seen her abrupt exit from the show. "It's felt like I've had to relive it, almost every day, thinking about it and anticipating it."
Liukin, 33, exited the show during Wednesday's episode after her castmate Gus Kenworthy suggested she had received special treatment during the challenge. Liukin says she believed her "integrity was at stake," which is something she "doesn't take lightly."
The former Team USA gymnast says that she "certainly" wishes she "could have stayed" to finish filming, but ultimately felt like she had to leave the show at the time.
Pete Dadds/FOX
"For me in that moment, I feel like I let people's thoughts about myself dictate my worth, and dictate the internal progress and breakthroughs that I had made up until that point," she says.
Liukin admits she "at times, maybe forgot that" the intense FOX series is "not a competition show." Instead, she says Special Forces is about "our own personal journeys" to challenge their bodies and minds. "It was an experience I certainly will take with me forever."
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Now that the experience is behind her, Liukin says, "Looking back, I realized that I did allow my own perception of myself to be impacted by situations that were happening around me."
Liukin shares there were "special moments" that audiences didn't get to see on the show. "Obviously, everything is on camera but it has to be condensed to an hour-long show," she explains.
Pete Dadds/FOX
In particular, a conversation she had with former NFL player Danny Amendola during a car ride after she decided to exit meant a lot to her. "Just him telling me he was so proud and that whatever I decided to do, he supported me," was meaningful, she shares.
RELATED: NBA Champion Dwight Howard Says Filming 'Special Forces' Was the 'Greatest Experience of My Life'
Former Spice Girl Mel B was also hugely supportive for Liukin during the experience, she says. "Mel really tried to convince me to stay."
After the episode aired, Liukin says her castmate Jamie Lynn Spears reached out to check on her.
Pete Dadds/FOX
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"Jamie Lynn sent me quite a lot of very encouraging and really, really sweet and uplifting messages," she says. Liukin says Spears, 31, is "an amazing and supportive friend" and she's grateful the show introduced her to so many "lifelong" friendships.
"The show definitely has formed these friendships and relationships that nothing else could have.," says Liukin.
