From Muscle Mommy Nemesis to the Dreamy Moros, Hades 2 Is Sending Gamers to Horny Jail
Supergiant Games
By the end of my fiftieth run through Hades 2, my proudest accomplishment wasn’t beating Chronos three times with the Umbral Flames, nor was it taking down the railgun-wielding Eris on my second try. No, it was taking a bath with my new muscle mommy Nemesis.
At some point during my Melinoë’s ill-fated forays into the Greek underworld, I obtained an item labeled “bath salts,” so naturally I made a beeline for the armored goddess and offered the decorative bottle to her. Apparently, I had buttered up my lesbian crush with enough nectar and conversation over the course of my many attempts to beat the game that she was willing to dip her toes in my newly installed hot spring. And while I won’t spoil what happened next for anyone out there who hasn’t yet gotten to spend time with the game, just know that the dialogue didn’t disappoint. For just a moment, my famously prickly rival melted in the steam… and so did I.
I’m not sure how long I’ll have to wait to see where that conversation leads — the romantic subplots aren’t available in full while the game is still in early access — but it’s going to feel like an eternity. My only comfort is knowing I’m not alone in my suffering. In the week since Supergiant’s roguelike action game surprise-dropped on Steam, queer gamers especially are losing it over just how hot everyone is in this damn game. Nemesis herself has already become something of a sapphic object of fixation, inspiring cosplay, fan art, and yes, some not-suitable-for-work content.
But basically any character with a portrait and a voice actor in this game seems to be driving Hades 2 players over the edge. Moros, who looks like Legolas from Lord of the Rings with antler horns, has already inspired a long Reddit thread entitled “This dude has no business being this hot,” featuring choice comments like “If Than[atos] hadn’t already made me bi, Lord Moros sure as hell would have.” But truly, they’re all hot, to such an extent that it’s proving to be a problem.
As I scoured the game’s subreddit looking for tips to improve my build, I kept running into people gushing about the sexiness of various residents of the Crossroads. There were posts about Melinoë's headmistress, Hecate, having abs of steel. (“I, too, am down bad for witch mommy,” one commenter wrote.”) There were memes about neglecting (the very scantily clad) Aphrodite the moment you see Hera’s plunging neckline. But my favorite was when I encountered the kindred spirits who are equally obsessed with the siren Scylla, scourge of the seas, who appears to have a starfish for hair and looks like Helena Bonham Carter’s character in Fight Club.
Suffice it to say, it’s never been a better time to brush off your Tumblr account to go check out the erotic havoc that Hades 2 is going to wreak on everyone. By this point, we’ll all be locked up in horny jail before the game even comes out.
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