Monique Samuels Reveals What Led to Chris Samuels Divorce: 'I Was So Miserable … and It Wasn't All on Him'

PEOPLE broke the news in June that 'The Real Housewives of Potomac' alum had filed for divorce after 10 years of marriage

Monique Samuels is shedding light on her divorce from Chris Samuels.

In an Instagram Live on Thursday, The Real Housewives of Potomac alum revealed how she knew when to walk away from her years-long marriage.

"I was in therapy and my counselor asked me, 'What is it that you want? If you could have the ideal marriage, if you could have everything you want from a marriage, what is it that you want?' And she told me to write those things down," Monique, 39, recalled. "Then, she told me, 'If he is unable to do those things for you, and he is the same that he is now and he never changes, are you able to live life with him for the rest of your life?' And she was like, 'I want you to think about it. Next time we meet, we'll talk about it. I don't want you to answer right now.'"

Monique said she "took two weeks writing down all of the pros, all of the cons, and really, really thinking about it." Afterward, "I just got to the point where I was in a place where I was so miserable," she admitted.

Related: 'RHOP' Alum Monique Samuels Files for Divorce from Chris Samuels (Exclusive)

"It wasn't just all on him, it was also just with myself, dealing with my own issues and trauma, understanding myself and why I respond and react the ways I do, going through my childhood," she explained. "Y'all, I've done some work. I've been doing some work and it wasn't easy. It's not easy to look at the things about yourself that you don't like and you don't love and say, 'You know what, I'm going to love the bad parts of me, I'm going to love the good parts, which is easier. But even the things that I don't like about myself, I have to really embrace that and love that."

"Oh, my God. It has been quite a ride. But I was determined to really do the work and grow. And the more I grew, and the more I started to realize myself and I started to create boundaries for myself, that’s when I knew I am no longer the person that I was when I walked down that aisle 11 years ago," she continued. "You get to the point where you just accept the fact that this is the fact. Like, this is where it is, you know? And that's what led me to the point where I was like, 'You know what, I think [this] is what will be best."

The reality star added, "If we keep going down this road and we're bickering at each other and we're not able to communicate — sometimes not even talking to each other — then how is this going to affect our children? Because I was thinking like most people, 'Okay, we're going to stay together for the kids.' But that never works because staying together for the kids means that you're giving them a terrible example of what a relationship should be like."

Monique said she was "not going to go deep into" what the pair's problems were, noting how it "really doesn't matter."

"We are where we are regardless without y'all knowing that information or not knowing that information. This is what I'm not going to do: I'm not going to say things that will paint a negative image of him nor will he paint a negative image of me because at the end of the day, what's good is that going to do?" she added. "Me trying to defend my actions and defend why I am where I am and put that out on social media really does nothing for us and it does nothing for our co-parenting relationship. I know the reasons why and he knows the reason why and we are where we are and that's it."

Last month, the Montgomery County Family Court confirmed to PEOPLE that Monique had filed for divorce from Chris, 45, after 10 years of marriage. The docket indicated that Monique filed a complaint for absolute divorce on April 14, later entering an amended complaint for absolute divorce on June 15.

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Monique's filing comes months after PEOPLE confirmed in October 2022 that the now-exes — who share sons Christopher and Chase, plus daughter Milani — were separating. Leading up to that point, the former couple's marital woes were apparent during the first season of Love & Marriage: D.C., which aired early last year.

Later addressing in a lengthy YouTube video how they've been "struggling in some areas of our marriage," she noted how fans "saw everything that was going on" between them on the show. However, she referred to the strife as "a lot of confusion [and] crazy building up to that 10-year marker of our marriage."

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"When you've been married that long and when you have things that you're like, 'Listen, this is being unmet or I've been unheard' you start to get frustrated and it's like, 'Oh, my God, is this what life is going to be? I can’t take it anymore,'" she continued. "So what y'all saw on Love & Marriage: DC last season, it was my cry for help."

Upon confirming that the twosome had been partaking in solo therapy sessions to work "on their personal issues," Monique said they "aren't getting a divorce" and are "absolutely not" going their separate ways.

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