Monday Night Football’s “In the Air Tonight” Cover Is So Bad I Don’t Even Want to Hear the Drums

Wren Graves
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The post Monday Night Football’s “In the Air Tonight” Cover Is So Bad I Don’t Even Want to Hear the Drums appeared first on Consequence.

The new Monday Night Football theme brings you closer to the action by making you feel like you just got slammed in the head. This monstrous cover of Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” from Chris Stapleton, Snoop Dogg, and Cindy B. Santana buries all the charm of the original under Axe-scented schlock, to the point where even those iconic booming drums feel as fuzzy as so much ringing in your ears.

Various versions of Hank Williams Jr.’s “All My Rowdy Friends Are Here on Monday Night” had welcomed viewers to the game since 1991, but he fumbled his meal ticket in 2011 by comparing then-President Obama to Hitler. ESPN cut Williams Jr. from the roster and has been searching for reliable song performance ever since, first with variations on the classic “Heavy Action” football theme, then with a recycled version of Little Richard’s “Rip It Up.” “In the Air Tonight (Rivals)” is not just the latest, it’s the furthest from greatest.

It starts with the artist lineup, which seems designed in a lab — or at least, a focus group — to tick as many marketing boxes as possible. For those who miss Williams or just have poor eyesight, here’s Stapleton, a burly, bearded country star. Snoop Dogg ought to appeal to those who like hip-hop, marijuana, canine puns, and/or Martha Stewart (he’s vast, he contains multitudes). Santana doesn’t get much screen time, but it might be enough to head off feminist critiques of this historically male-dominated theme, while the song itself is perhaps the Boomer sports banger, a reliable presence at arenas and stadiums around the world. ABC and ESPN execs tried so hard to make sure nobody hated “In the Air Tonight (Rivals),” which is wild, because I have rarely hated anything more.

Chris Stapleton has a singular vocal instrument, but he totally misunderstands what makes “In the Air Tonight” so special. Collins’ words come out on a taut string of sound, so tense that even the slightest wobble can send vibrations up your spine. Stapleton instead opens in a tremulous whisper, though for the rest of the song, he just wails. “I’ve been waiting?” Wail. “For this moment?” Wail. “All my life?” PETA was right, dude, save the wails. There’s no slow-build, and no tension to release, which makes it feel less like a song and more like office karaoke.

But that’s hardly the cover’s worst crime. It’s unclear how Snoop Dogg arrived at this, the most boring possible flow; perhaps the first draft had more substance or swears, and his rhymes were soft-pedaled down to this dull pace of about three words a minute. But this sucks: “Rivals/ Us versus them/ Survival/ We must win.” Quarterbacks spend less time in the pocket than Snoop spends between syllables. This isn’t rapping, it’s rhythmic drool.

Of course, there’s more to “In the Air Tonight.” Collins wasn’t known for his singing, or his rapping, but sweet heavens, those drums! Yet even the percussion has been narrowed down. Not that Santana did anything wrong, nor could Collins have managed more under the circumstances. The notes are the same but the magic is gone. There’s no stillness for the drums to break, no suspense to unfold, and besides, the mix is thin and timid. Perhaps it’s too much to ask that ESPN audio engineers break a sweat in the studio for a crisp Collins drum, but surely they could have done better.

And maybe that’s what’s so galling about “In the Air Tonight (Rivals).” With effectively infinite resources and more than a decade to get it right, ESPN continues to stray further from God’s light. If you hear this corporate Frankenstein calling, better just hit ignore.

Monday Night Football’s “In the Air Tonight” Cover Is So Bad I Don’t Even Want to Hear the Drums
Wren Graves

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